Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

@sandybval I would say that if employees are stretched massively then an organisation really needs to look at critical activity and plan accordingly. Stop and slow non critical work for instance. Its not just parents that will not be working at capacity, there will be vacancies not filled, sickness etc. Businesses need to just be focusing on core activity at the moment.

Already round here some parents are rehearsing reasons not to return to work when this is all over. One even insists that she's produced a future worker and so deserves some me time ... and been widely praised for it
Nobody suggests for an instant that most parents are like this, but they exist and will somehow have to be managed - and that won't be easy

Isn't this a people problem not a parent problem, though? There have been lots of reports from GPs of well people demanding shielding letters, some out of genuine if misplaced fear, but plenty because they think they'll get paid not to work for longer with one. I don't think parents are more or less prone to taking the piss than anyone else.

Oh and OP what are your sickness rates? Do sick people attract such ire from you or is it just parents?

It doesn't make a difference who you were responding to Laurie, I still don't agree society should be 'damn grateful' to parents caring for their own kids. Apologies if you don't like that.

And can we not start the patronising bullshit 'we all did that before kids too but now we've got far more life experience than little young you'.

Not everyone 'climbs the ladder' as you describe it and has kids. Some don't want any and others can't, sadly. It doesn't mean those people have to resign themselves to picking up your slack for the rest of their working life because they haven't quite achiever the higher status of parenthood.

I don’t think that is the case at all

Parents are being told ...

What we’re being asked to do is just ‘look after our own children’ (rather than look after our own children on top of full time work))

That ‘school isn’t childcare anyway’

That what we’re struggling is ‘the fact that their children aren't the responsibility of anyone but themselves.‘

If that isn’t minimising the impact of taking childcare away (while expecting full commitment to work) I’m not sure what is.

those who've expected time off for every sniffle, every sports day, every nativity play ... ?

What does it matter to the company what their staff use annual leave for?

What @balkin says. It’s painfully stupid and patronising to imply that people working themselves to breaking point during. Global pandemic, to cover for colleagues who aren’t working their hours, are in some way doing their dues. Bollocks. Not every job is a ‘climbing the ladder’ career type job. Millions of people are doing low level work for low level pay and there is no future benefit to them working their backside off in unpaid overtime. That is an extremely narrow view based on only one experience of working life.

I still don't agree society should be 'damn grateful' to parents caring for their own kids. Apologies if you don't like that.

I don’t give a shit. I acknowledged in the post that we weren’t going to get that appreciation, that’s fine, but we can live without it.

unlike the OP.

You don't seem to want to share your reasons as to why you think people who've nothing to do with you/your children should be grateful and appreciative of you now having to care for them.

No worries if you don't want to cant though.

The definition of being grateful is being thankful for a benefit received.

I'm not really sure what huge benefits I'm receiving from parents looking after their kids to be honest.

I'm not even minimising how hard it is like you seem to think. I just don't see why you expect people to be 'damn grateful'.

I definitely don't expect anyone to be grateful for me looking after my own kids... what an odd way of thinking.

I happily worked 70hours + per week pre-kids but because I wanted to. Not because I was picking up the slack for anyone. Or because I was climbing any ladder, I was underpaid but worked for a charity so loved it.

I wouldn't want to pick up the slack (significantly I mean not a bit of help here and there) for anyone whether its because they're parents or any other reason.

You don't seem to want to share your reasons as to why you think people who've nothing to do with you/your children should be grateful and appreciative of you now having to care for them.

Shutting down childcare was a key means of halting the spread of the disease.

I would have thought that was obvious.

No one in my house is in anyway vulnerable to CV. We do what’s required of us in this situation. At considerable detriment to all kinds of things.

I’m not particularly looking for appreciation (as I keep stating).

But the if the OP wants appreciation, she needs to understand that practically everyone has been making sacrifices here, so line up.

"Shutting down childcare was a key means of halting the spread of the disease."
Was it? I thought the evidence on this was quite limited but it was just part of encouraging people to stay at home really... not key to anything, just a logical step amongst others.
I think shutting down restaurants and gyms probably had a bigger impact...

Was it? I thought the evidence on this was quite limited but it was just part of encouraging people to stay at home really

Well it was certainly what we were told at the start. And the teachers are still running with it.

For the record, I cannot wait til they go back, because doing my job in these circs totally sucks.

I’m not particularly looking for appreciation

No you just think people should be 'damn grateful' that parents are 'picking up the slack' of looking after their own kids whilst the schools are shut.

What benefit does that have to OP as a childless person? Or any childless person?

There are hundreds of businesses that have had to close just like schools. We are all responsible for ourselves and our own families. OP is, however, taking on other people's responsibilities as well as her own (their work). You are taking on responsibility for your own family (your children), they are not the responsibility of anyone else and no one should have to be 'damn grateful' for it imo.

What benefit does that have to OP as a childless person? Or any childless person?

What part of the collective effort do you not understand?

And the OP is taking on other people’s responsibility because she refuses to table an honest conversation with her boss.

Not one of us can help her with that.

Why is the responsibility for saving the business you work for solely on your shoulders? Where are you approximately in the organisation chart? One from top? Is it your own business? Two from bottom?

Are those more senior than you feeling it as you are?

I mean this nicely, I've worked with women like you before, and they struggle to separate the difference between a successful life and a successful career (I'm not talking about parenting or not here). They think they are extremely important to the function, when in reality they are the easiest to replace. Usually in the role of PA/EA or some kind of Compliance/Audit Role and are, by nature, taken for granted for their work.

Children aside, you should probably re think your role. You sound like you feel unappreciated and that's not healthy for anyone.

You are outraged at the criticism levelled at you here which shows you are not taking much on board. This is something that develops with time and experience. Is this your first employment?

I can see both sides of the argument here. Parents of older children who are able to mind themselves and childless workers are being put on more because people like me are unable to fulfil their job role.

I've been furloughed as due to mine and dhs roles we can only work office hours, he can take upto 15 calls an hour and I average between 25 and 35 an hour. We also have a 10 month old to contend with.

To begin with phones were relatively quiet and we both managed to keep ds quiet while the other took a call, but then things got a bit busier for us both and we'd find both of us on the phone and ds would pick that moment to get loud, it made it harder to do our jobs as neither of us can walk out of the room, we're attached to pcs.

A client actually complained to my manager about me as one of his customers mentioned the child in the background and how it was unprofessional for me to be discussing potentially sensitive issues with a child in the room. My house is open plan downstairs so it's not like we could put him in the livingroom and stairgate the kitchen door.

My manager and I had a frank discussion about my role, and what could be done to make it easier. Unfortunately due to the nature of the business there is nothing I can do without being available to take calls, so the decision to furlough me was made.

I hate it, I feel guilty as my colleagues are having to pick up the slack, but my manager reminded me that, I'd only been back from maternity leave for 6 weeks and not picked back up many of my responsibilities, and what I had was easy to hand back. So whether I was working or not made no ends to anyone else in the team.

I've spoken to nursery and they won't be able to take ds back from 1st June for various reasons. I'm hoping for a lift on mixing with direct family i.e my parents and inlaws as we can then send ds to his grandparents and I can return to work at least to do a few days a week and feel like I'm useful again.

To whoever questioned what parents are doing to help the situation, a friend of mine who along with her husband is working from home in a very demanding job is now taking her pre-schooler to her parents 4 days a week. She's breaking the rules because it's impossible for them both to manage their workloads, even in shifts. Pre-COVID she was working core hours, plus logging on again in the evening. She doesn't advocate this solution for obvious reasons but it's a measure of how desperate parents are

I don't think you have ANY idea of what it's like trying to WFH AND homeschool with a toddler running around all day!

But I do understand, and I would have felt the same before having kids myself.

OP when I was in your life stage I probably would have written a similar post so I totally get where you are coming from.

Having now had kids I can’t overestimate a) the overwhelming exhaustion and personal toll it’s taken on me since; b) the negative effect it’s had on my career prospects (I have basically been given increased flexibility and part time working in return for no pay rises and no promotion for YEARS), and c) the number of hours over my contacted hours which I’ve had to do for years, just to get the work done. My employer has easily had 2 free days a week out of me for years, paying part time but expecting me to be available always when needed.

Now covid hits, we’ve all taken a pay cut, I’m doing my best to keep the show on the road by doing a mix of unpaid leave, annual leave and then working when the projects need things doing.. All timed to suit my employer do they get the work done and don’t have to pay when I’m not productive.

I’m sure there’s people like you on my team assuming I’m hardly ever there and not pulling my weight.

Rest assured I’m sure I’ll be top of the pile when the redundancies start,will struggle to get another job as a mother with a cv gap, and my once promising high flying career and 7 years’ university not meet with my pay or promotion expectations.

Don’t assume it will be any different for you when you come to have a family unless there are significant changes in how working mothers are viewed in the workplace.

I see your point, OP - and you're allowed a moan. But there's nothing those parents can do about the situation right now, particularly if their children are very young. If it was possible to work full time and look after children, parents wouldn't spend huge chunks of their earnings on childcare...

If it's any consolation, these parents are no doubt acutely aware of the work you are picking up and feel like they are failing on all fronts. I'm sure many of them would jump at the chance to swap with you, put in 10-12 hours and then have even a moment to themselves. We are all struggling in different ways - I'm not sure your lot is necessarily worse than theirs.

I don't think you have ANY idea of what it's like trying to WFH AND homeschool with a toddler running around all day!

I take my hat off to colleagues doing it. I've taken on some tasks from a parent colleague in a different role but I know her area well, to alleviate the burden on her. I don't want or need praise for that, in fact I've not made it obvious it's me rather than her that's done the work. I hate seeing her tie herself up in knots and mentally on the edge trying to parent, work and wife all to her usual standards. My company fosters a great team ethos which helps.

@ElsieBobo out of interest, do you have a partner? If so, have they also reduced their hours and taken flexibility in order to be around for the children/pick ups etc?

I very much enjoy how insulted the @op is because someone questioned her work ability yet she is still insinuating parents must move to the bottom of the career ladder. We're all someone's kid, op.