Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

Please do see if you can manage my life—wfh key worker job, plus 2 small children—any better than I can. I would bloody love to only have extra work to think about at present. Instead DH is up at 6am working until midnight every week night and sunday night, so he can cover some of the childcare/homeschool. I am working long hours too. Can't just stick the DC in front of TV as that works for about 30 mins before DS gets bored and goes off to entertain himself with imaginative play (usually involving a flooded bathroom or minor head injury).

I feel bad but not too bad, given that DH and I frequently work abroad, losing whole weekends and every evening, for no extra money - I get paid 22.5 hours a week to work 120+ hours a week when abroad.

If your employers business is only sustainable because some people are doing double the workload, then they need to address that

I imagine most business wouldn't be sustainable if half their workforce were struggling to do their contracted hours and the others were refusing to pick them up.

Looking after your own children is not 'picking up slack'

Doing a full time job without the childcare that I sourced, paid for and contracted (in line with what my employer required of me at the time btw) at the detriment of their development, my long term career prospects, physical and mental health very much is, thank you.

Here

For you.

I think parents are doing the best they can in a really crap situation. Employers and colleagues should be understanding - who knows how that understanding will be paid forward. I don't have kids, but I'm happy to support those that do during this time.

(That said - I wish people would keep their bloody microphones muted during meetings. I know kids make noise, but I don't need to hear them screaming if you're not talking anyway!)

But I am still resentful of being in this situation because it is awful for me. I am exhausted, anxious and do feel like I deserve some compensation for it

So ask for extra remuneration.

mariequeen

It is such a unique situation that I do think those with easier situations should be taking the strain for those that don’t. That’s how society should work isn’t it?

Seriously? The OP also has considerable caring responsibilities. But that’s ok - the childfree can just pick up their colleagues work for months because that’s their role in society?

You looking after your own children is not picking up the slack for anyone but your own family... It really isn't. You can't expect people who've nothing to do with you/your children to be thankful and grateful for that, why on earth would they be?

You looking after your own children is not picking up the slack for anyone but your own family

WHY did the government shut the childcare/schools again?

Have a think. Come back to me.

I think some people struggle with the fact that their children aren't the responsibility of anyone but themselves.

The main issue still remains how your employer is treating you and that is who you should be talking to. Not co-employees not us.

'Looking after your own children is not 'picking up slack' Laurie'

This ^

How many times are posters told school is not childcare and teachers are there to teach your children, not as childcare. This is why parents are responsible for covering sick days. Otherwise school would provide a separate wing for sick children, as hoarding schools do because in that case school is childcare, but not for day school.

For the same reason they shut a lot of other businesses... It still doesn't mean I have to be tripping over myself in gratitude to you for having your own children at home because they can't go to school.

that their children aren't the responsibility of anyone but themselves.

I’m struggling with the fact that my childcare has been shut down. I put that in place so I could do my job. That was legally required of me by my employers at the time.

But now that’s gone and I’m just supposed to carry on.

How many times are posters told school is not childcare and teachers are there to teach your children, not as childcare.

Schools are not solely childcare, but our entire society has been structured around them facilitating parents working.

Childcare on the other hand is most definitely childcare.

So school, nursery, after school all gone for us.

Every poster has conveniently ignored my question of what happens if (like much of MN predicts) this goes on for 18 months to forever. At that point it's not unprecedented it just life.

Do you forever expect to be paid the same as you colleagues for less work hours because you have kids? Or will people with kids have to adjust their lives, the same as everyone else, to fit in the new way of life?

A selection criteria for redundancy should include things like long term performance, skills and experiences, and it shouldn't indirectly descriminate. I don't know why you think it will automatically be those people struggling to meet their workload under the current, extreme, circumstances.

Every poster has conveniently ignored my question of what happens if (like much of MN predicts) this goes on for 18 months to forever. At that point it's not unprecedented it just life.

I don’t have a fucking clue.

Trust me, this is no more palatable for me than you. I can’t wait for the schools to be up and running again.

Seriously? The OP also has considerable caring responsibilities. But that’s ok - the childfree can just pick up their colleagues work for months because that’s their role in society?

I didn’t say “the childfree” did I? I said “those with easier situations”. I mean you quoted my actual post!

OP - with all due respect you are very young still and have not been in the workplace all that long. You also sound as if you are someone who is very much focused on the numbers side of a business - did you perhaps do business studies or accountancy for your major?

I'm lucky enough to have older children so I don't need to worry about childcare. However having spent decades in the workplace I have learnt quite a lot about business. The first is that shit happens and valued employees are those who will step up to the plate when it does. This global pandemic and the consequent closing of all schools and most childcare is unprecedented but the need to cover for colleagues not able to perform crops up from time to time. When I was your age I had to step up massively both in terms of hours and the level of work I was expected to do because 2 of my colleagues were off for months - one with terminal cancer who needed to be signed off sick for 6 months before the insurance cut in and one who had a very major skiing accident and was off for a similar amount of time. It wasn't great but, like you, I had no children and was therefore in a position to put the hours in. Some of my bosses were really appreciative and others weren't but you just have to roll up your sleeves and get on with it. It's exhausting but you need to work to with your employer how you will manage that situation. In my case I negotiated more secretarial support on a temp basis but I also looked to take on some work above my pay scale for the career advancement.

The second thing I learnt was that a good employer remembers who mucks in when necessary. So when I needed time to househunt/deal with miscarriages etc there was a degree of flexibility in giving me some time off. You have to work out whether you think your employer is one who will pay back down the line and how you might want it. If not, is that employer one you really want to stick with in the long term? (Although now may not be the time to leave as jobs are likely to become scarce - I've worked through recessions when there was no work to do and the whole team was terrified we'd be laid off - there is much to be said for job security in a recession.)

The third thing I've learnt is that a good business is one that thinks about things other than the bottom line. Having good staff morale so that the team will go the extra mile if needed and a good retention rate is also important. Parents struggling to wfh without childcare will remember any flexibility and kindness that they are shown now. In the short term perhaps productivity is down but in the long run the company is likely to have a loyal and experienced staff team. That means less disruption to the business in terms of recruitment and training and also less hit to the bottom line in terms of recruitment fees/time costs etc.

The fourth lesson I learned (and it was at your age that I learnt it) was that businesses thrive with a bit of diversity in the workforce. In my case it was having the "grey heads" who had seen it all before and done it all before and could point out things like the early rules on inheritance tax for offshore trusts that weren't covered in my exams because they were obsolete but were needed in dealing with a Revenue back duty case. When I was older and worked a little bit part time I suddenly became the only person able to deal with a particularly difficult external person because we were both working mothers and were able to build a rapport. She just suddenly opened up when I became pregnant. All this soft capital has a value too and may be as important to the overall success of the business as hours on a timesheet.

I'm sorry that this is a long winded quote but I feel that a lot of your OP comes from a place of inexperience and perhaps a little immaturity. There will always be occasions when you have to step up to the plate and do more than your fair share and it might be that there will be occasions when you need someone to cut you some slack (eg being stranded/sick abroad when on your travels and unable to return to work when expected). what you need to do is decide what you can and can't take on and make that clear to your managers. It is daunting, especially at your age, to have to go to a boss who might be quite a lot older and more senior and say that you can't carry on as you are but it is sometimes necessary. My advice to you would be to do so gracefully - ie I have been working x many extra hours and simply can't continue - could we look at what I'm doing to see if it is all necessary/what should be prioritised. Don't go in all guns blazing and complain that the parents aren't pulling their weight as you probably aren't aware of times when they might well have done in the past. Handled well it should be a conversation that gains you respect handled badly it could make you look weak or whiny. If you don't get a sensible response to a sensible question then, again, you need to ask whether it is a company you want to make your long term home.

HTH

How rare is the skillset your work requires? If 3 parents accept a 33% reduction in hours and pay, could your company take on a temp? Supposedly unemployment is going up, so finding someone should be feasible.

It still doesn't mean I have to be tripping over myself in gratitude to you for having your own children at home because they can't go to school.
No parent here is asking for a big parade or a weekly doorstep clap. We're asking not be to thrown under the pay cut bus for a situation not of our own making, when that pay cut won't necessarily solve the OP's original problem and would cause us more problems.

expecting some leeway from employers and colleagues is not entitled

Hang on, when did it turn from expecting leeway from employers - which is fair enough up to a point - to expecting it from colleagues as well?
And how exactly are colleagues responsible for others' childcare issues?

Reading comments like this it's no surprise if those without DCs get a little shirty at what some parents expect them to carry ...

I think society as a whole should be damn grateful that parents have picked up the slack of the entire childcare/school industry closing to help stop the spread of this disease

burritofan I was responding to this because I don't see why people should be.

It seems that poster thinks theres no need to be appreciative of others picking up the slack of parents in the workplace because they are doing everyone such a huge favour by looking after their own kids whilst they aren't in school.

They aren't remotely the same thing.

Every poster has conveniently ignored my question of what happens if (like much of MN predicts) this goes on for 18 months to forever. At that point it's not unprecedented it just life* What are YOU going to do OP if this is the new normal and companies allow parents to keep working from home?

@baskininjoe

re- "Do you forever expect to be paid the same as you colleagues for less work hours because you have kids? Or will people with kids have to adjust their lives, the same as everyone else, to fit in the new way of life?"

We have adjusted our lives. I am trying to work as much as I can whilst looking after my son, whilst trying to keep everyone (family and work) happy. My DHs bosses want him to work as much as he can so he's making up hours on weekends and starting at 6am. I think he might combust soon.

I understand you're under a lot of pressure but we all are. Parents and non parents have had to adjust. Honestly, my friends who have kids have changed their roles/work life balance so much. Everyone is suffering and I am sorry that you are as well, but we all are. We have all made adjustments because we have to. No one has asked for this. My son should be in his childminders today and both my husband and I should have done a full days work, instead my son is home and we will both be putting in 6 hours each. This is how we have adjusted.

I agree, people saying "well if you had kids...." is going to break your heart and isn't nice to hear when you have been through what you have but the issue here is with your employer. People that have kids, young kids especially, MUST look after them, so have adjusted to do so whilst doing as much work as they are able to.