Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

I propose that some (not all) but some parents do be a little less precious.

Yes it's not ideal to have children on screen all day. But maybe for 4 hours. Not ideal at all but nothing is ideal right now and it won't kill them. Nor will it stunt their development as long as you then spend some time stimulating them to compensate for it. That would be 4 hours to do work in.

Obviously it's not an option for all parents, I get everyone's child is different. But for the great many who this won't work for there is also a great many it will.

Just one idea, I'm sure people will come to shoot me down screaming it's not fair on the children but nothing is fair on anyone right now. We're all innocent in this. And for some this will work and will result in increased productivity and less stress.

And as someone pointed out earlier in the thread (sorry I can't remember who) homeschooling has never actually been compulsory. Yes it is ideal but nothing is ideal right now. And I will be flamed for telling parents to slack a little on the home schooling but there are plenty of threads where parents have said they are finding homeschooling hard and have been told to not bother, take it easy, it's not essential etc, so why is it different when a childless person says it?

People going on at the OP to give a solution: she shouldn’t have to. It isn’t her problem to solve. She has repeatedly recognised that the situation is hard and shit for parents. That’s not what her post was about. It’s about her own situation and how it’s also exceptionally crappy. The inability of people on here to empathise and understand that someone else can be feeling shit at the same time as you are, is horrible. She is clearly having an awful time, and has her own caring responsibilities even if they aren’t child related. The way she’s been laid into on here is shameful.

I have thought a few times that one of the worst times of my life for this pandemic to hit would have been when I was living in a small flat share with no garden in my twenties, with no family around me and a world which revolved around socialising and my office. I genuinely don’t think I would have coped with having all of that taken away and being so alone. I am so disappointed that people are so unable to think outside their own bubble and acknowledge the validity of anyone elses’s problems.

Not ideal at all but nothing is ideal right now and it won't kill them

You mean like a little extra work won't kill you ?

You literally say twice in your most recent post, nothing is ideal - why then do you expect it to be ideal for you?

I've not rtft but I get what you're saying OP.

I don't think any parents are intentionally doing less but it's very stressful and in some ways impossible to be as productive as you were previously when there's kids to look after too. But I can understand why that may make someone else who's having to work even longer and harder to make up for it, resentful.

It's the exact same situation with furlough/non furlough. Nothing can be helped but there is a lot of resentment going on between those who are working a lot harder than normal because others have been furloughed when they perhaps shouldn't have been, and those that have been furloughed through no choice of their own.

I don't know what the answer is but I get what you mean.

So children on screens for great chunks of the day and their education sidelined.

Because you can’t establish some boundaries with your boss.

That seems ... somewhat unfair

Although I think you'll mainly get shit from posters on here as no one likes being questioned over how much work they are doing and there's a lot of competitive woe is me/who has it hardest going on at the moment.

You literally say twice in your most recent post, nothing is ideal - why then do you expect it to be ideal for you?

It does seem a teeny bit self-centred to expect the kids to shoulder quite a lot of shit stuff so that you can be as unaffected as possible.

"The pertinent point is that the OP is doing this of her own free will. She won’t table this with her boss for some reason. Who is the only person with any power to actually change things."

It's not really of my own free will though. I have tried bringing it up but the reality is if the work doesn't get done the business goes under and then there's no jobs for anyone. If I drop 20 hours of what I'm currently doing to only work my contracted hours who's going to pick up that work? My other child free colleagues who are also working 60+ hour weeks right now? There is no one else to do the work. I'm not saying the business will go under without me before anyone tells me to stop being so uppity, I'm saying it will go under if the work doesn't get done. And as a small team there is no one else to do the work. Right now if anyone refused to work beyond their contracted hours the business would go under.

If I drop 20 hours of what I'm currently doing to only work my contracted hours who's going to pick up that work?

That’s not your problem to figure out.

Man up and talk to your boss about your workload.

But not other people’s.

@

@mariequeenofscots

"You mean like a little extra work won't kill you ?"

How fucking rude. It's not a little extra work. As po have pointed out over 6 months that's 2-3 extra months work. And I could flip it round and say to parents guess what, a little extra work looking after your own kids won't kill you. But I'm not that insensitive and understand it's more than just a little extra work.

@lauriemarlow

"That’s not your problem to figure out."

It is my problem to figure out if it means the whole business goes under and then I don't have a job at all. As well as all these parents. None of us will have a job left!

@baskininjoe OP you say:
*
I'm angry at people telling me to grow up, insulting me professionally and personally.*

But it was ok for you to say to me 'pull yourself together'?

But it was ok for you to say to me 'pull yourself together'?

Hardly the insult of the century.

It’s not rude (nice try though!) its fact. If you’re saying the situation isn’t ideal and that a short time in flux won’t be damaging, why is it so for you?

It’s a fairly reasonable question one would have thought...

@notthelemongumdrops perhaps not. But she can't have it both ways.

No advice, I’m very fortunate to be working in the office reduced hours on full pay, but just wanted to suggest that is a company that does not recognise the hard work of staff working 10-12 hours a day to pick up the slack one worth working for? I’d definitely raise with your manager all of the additional hours you’re putting in at the moment and get your position re overtime clarified. Your extra work should be recognised and rewarded.

It is my problem to figure out if it means the whole business goes under and then I don't have a job at all. As well as all these parents. None of us will have a job left!

If you are struggling with your workload, speak to your boss.

It really is that simple. Only they can help you.

Unless of course, you aren’t really interested in managing your workload better, just taking a pop at someone else to make yourself feel better. And I think we all know what’s going on here.

You've entered the lions den here OP. I find a lot of parents (and I am one) like to think they have the monopoly on hardship and nothing could possibly be as difficult.

They don't like being reminded that they weren't forced to have children and it was a choice they made and not everyone else has to pick up the slack for the rest of time because they chose to reproduce.

It's the same when it comes to taking annual leave I've found. It's expected that childless people will work over Christmas / other holidays.

Yes it's not ideal to have children on screen all day. But maybe for 4 hours. Not ideal at all but nothing is ideal right now and it won't kill them. Nor will it stunt their development as long as you then spend some time stimulating them to compensate for it. That would be 4 hours to do work in.

Do you think Parents aren’t already doing this all over the country? And newsflash, deciding not to bother with homeschooling doesn’t in any way mean you get to focus on work, the children don’t disappear because you aren’t doing maths problems with them.

As you say nothing is ideal, so why can’t you actually recognise this instead of just think parents should shove all this not ideal onto children? Who kind of need taking care of even when things aren’t ideal? Your problem is your work. Although 12 hour days used to be my norm pre children so it’s hard to understand how stressful that is to you, whereas working busy jobs while homeschooling children and just about unable to leave the house is nobody’s norm so of course a huge challenge across the parenting board.

@frankieknuckes

This is the post I told you to pull yourself together regarding
"OP yours might be the post that gets me banned from Mumsnet.
I'm too angry to write a cohesive response, but I hope one day when you have 2 children & you find yourself WFH whilst trying to homeschool & look after their well-being FOR SIX FUCKING MONTHS (cos that's what it will be) you will realise how naive & uncompassionate you were (not sure uncompassionate is actually a word).

For the record I'm civil service so can't be furloughed."

No adult should allow themselves to get so angry they can't be coheasive. And definitely no adult should get so angry that they lash out to the point of possibly getting banned from a civilised forum. That post was filed with so much vitriol you did need to check yourself regarding it.

Thing is op it's about compromise.

Employers have reached a compromise with parents with children at home. You just don't like that compromise.

If work are putting too much on you, you have to to them any reach your own compromise or agreement

@Balkin

"You've entered the lions den here OP. I find a lot of parents (and I am one) like to think they have the monopoly on hardship and nothing could possibly be as difficult."

Yes this. It has been pointed out so many times through this thread that I apparently don't know what hard it because I don't have children. I agree with you, everyone has it hard, no one has a monopoly and everyone has the right to complain about their own hardships. Otherwise any thread on MN could simply be shut down with your think you have it hard, try living in a third world country and having to feed your children rock soup, now that's true hardship'.

"They don't like being reminded that they weren't forced to have children and it was a choice they made and not everyone else has to pick up the slack for the rest of time because they chose to reproduce."

Yes again. I understand no one chose to have a child knowing a pandemic was coming but everyone knows life is unpredictable. Just because life has thrown you a shitter right now still doesn't mean anyone else is responsible for you or your children. The same as in non pandemic times if someone gets made redundant out the blue. It's shit and you can't plan for it but it's still no one else's responsibility to pick up your slack and you have to work it out because you chose to reproduce.

"It's the same when it comes to taking annual leave I've found. It's expected that childless people will work over Christmas / other holidays."

Yes again, parents want equal rights until it comes to working Christmas/holidays/weekends/out of hours events. Then they suddenly have more right not to do these things because it would negatively impact their children by them not being there with them.

I think it’s a fairly simple fact that at the moment some people will be having it harder than others. That’s obvious isn’t it?

Yes it's not ideal to have children on screen all day. But maybe for 4 hours* honestly I don't know anyone with middle primary or younger where this would work. My DS loves YouTube etc but workshy sit there for 4 hours. He's want the channel changing or a video would come on he didn't like. He'd need help with loo or a snack. He'd want to know what I was doing aka be bored of his own company. And at 1 there would have been no chance in hell, he only napped outside walking and not for long, he couldn't have just been left in a room for 4 hours because Mommy was busy.

Your deluded if you think children will just sit quietly in front of a screen for 4 hours whilst their parents work. You really don't have a clue.