Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

This is your employer fault, raise it with them
& ask for the overtime !

You are being asked to work a few extra hours during a PANDEMIC. In contrast your coworkers are being asked to continue working while not just looking after their children but homeschooling them (our school for instance has sent hone about 4-5 hours of work a day).

Suck the fuck up. A lot of jobs require these kind of uncontracted hours on a regular basis. Some people will find any reason to whine. This situation is shorty for all of us but least of all for people in your position. I would love to be working uninterrupted all day even if it meant doing a couple extra hours.

You've got the short end of the stick!

You want to try working, schooling and running a house for 10 weeks, shopping for 3 elderly relatives! With no downtime, no breaks!

Do me a favour and don't take any days off including weekends and work from 5am till 11pm Monday to Friday and 5am till 9 pm Saturday and Sunday. Then come and talk to us about who has the short end of the stick!

Be grateful you have a job and only yourself to manage!

That's home schooling different kids (one is ASD), at different schools some of who are getting 5 hours a day worth of work. This doesn't even take into account the food, the cooking, cleaning, washing etc. The constant tears and arguments, requests for zoom calls which due to age have to be monitored by an parent.

I love my kids but right now I would swap in a heartbeat and I give you three days before your begging for your life back.

I have another 3-4 months at least as one of mine is secondary school. Who knows what's happening with the younger two. The uncertainty of schools is enough. You have no idea!

Well OP many people are having to still actually go into work and are not able to WFH. They may look at someone like you, childless and working from home as having it far too easy also....this is a shit situation for everyone so cut others some slack. Nobody wants this.

No op, you are not showing empathy. You are pretending to show empathy whilst there are not so veiled threats about how you are monitoring their productivity. Talking about redundancies and promotions in a global pandemic.

You'd rather get some extra money and watch those families fall into debt/lose their home/miss meals if there is a 'finite pot'?

Have a hard think about why you've come on here to bash parents during a global pandemic.

I think OP has some very valid points, and this is the perfect forum to discuss.

Many other posters will agree.
Many more of us have seen employees taking the mick.
I suspect her employer is fearful of addressing this and would end up looking bad.

But really it should be addressed. Or employees putting in more should at least be paid overtime.

I don't agree that you should be expected to do the amount of extra hours you say you're doing and understand why you would have an issue with that. However .... you can't begin to understand what it is like trying to wfh with children there (particularly young children)!
Looking after kids is a job in itself so to fit work around this is more stressful that you can realise until you have kids yourself. I don't know the ins and outs of the people at your company but I would assume they've tried their best but have found it too much which is completely understandable.
I do get your side and it's not right you having to work so many extra hours to pick up work of those who are furloughed but please try to have some sympathy for those people as they have it really tough. For you when you finish work/weekends your time is your own but for your colleagues with kids it's 24/7 which is tough when you can't even go anywhere!
In terms of schools - I agree that they should go back on 1st June (assuming their kids are in the appropriate year groups?) but there are a lot of people who are worried about the safety of it and understandably don't want to put their kids at risk. There is also ALOT of shaming going on about sending back to school so this will also impact on people's decisions.

what if you just do a bit extra instead of feeling pressured to do too much. If your employer needs to employ more people, they can. I’m sure they would prefer you to work a more sustainable pattern than over work and get sick.

Parents can be justifiably concerned about schools going back. The risk is low, but if risk is likely greater for them than for you - because they have kids to think about, likely to be older, more people in household (so increased risk of catching it).

OP your story has changed from you original post, which I also found infuriating. I am very sorry for your loss and for the stress you are under. There are steps you can take to reduce the pressure. Delivery slots for your vulnerable relatives rather than you doing their shopping every week. Are your parents able to share the load of looking after grandparents for example? Any siblings? Stop clearing up after your housemates. And most importantly speak to your employers. Your workplace sounds awful. Fortunately you will be well placed to look for another job by the sounds of it.

We are all of us under so much stress we’re not always bringing our best selves to the situation, but please think about why so many are incredibly upset reading your OP. I think if you’d posted about how difficult you were finding things, given your long hours and all the work you’re doing to shop and cook for others rather than attacking working parents (mums - are all the people you’re referring to women?) I think you would have had a different reception.

Focus your energies on what you can change.

OP I am very sorry about your miscarriage. It doesn't take a "minor in psychology" to see that there is some anger about the way your life is right now- it's a horrible pandemic and you don't have the child you wanted.

The trouble is, you need to process that in a different way. Kindly and truthfully, you don't have the bad end of the stick right now. A 10 hour day on office tasks is normal for an ambitious 20-something at the best of times. It must be hard working and living in one room. But it is not the squeeze felt by parents and carers. It really isn't. 12 hours is not a long day by working parent standards.

You could reflect though, that your life circumstances have made you rather angry and judgemental of those you see as taking advantage of having children and a job. We don't get how you feel as we have not walked in your shoes. (Well actually I have been a young worker with multiple m/c but hey ho it is different for us all).

The other aspect is that you seem to feel entitled to extra money for extra work at the moment, and some posters seem to support this by saying "take it up with your employer" etc. No. nonono. We are entering the worst recession for 80 years. Most businesses are on survival footing. If you haven't already had to take a pay cut for same hours, you are lucky. The thing you get out of this is the chance to focus on your work and be likely to retain your job or keep the enterprise above water.

It is galling to see you complain about having the OPPORTUNITY to do long hours (when you have literally nothing else to do with your time, you are stuck at home). You are winning now! Your reward is not in financial terms but in terms of professional opportunity. Grab it, and don't waste energy setting yourself up as some kind of admin assistant productivity expert judging everyone else's working time.

"Due to the nature of my role I know exactly when everyone logs on/off, what they complete and their levels of productivity. I am not making assumptions about these things." - if I was your employer I'd be very unimpressed with you posting this thread on a public forum.

OP, you still haven’t clarified what you expect parents to do with their children all day while giving their all to work. We are all ears.

@op If you don't have a good enough working relationship with your employer to have a conversation about being overworked, that's very much your problem. Yes it's shit but is it any less shit for parents like me who did not sign up for parenting and working at the same time? It's so difficult and you can't give all of yourself to either, so you end up feeling doubly shit. Until you've tried wfh with a child, you have no stance here I'm afraid. Talk to your boss and next time you choose to moan about parents, don't do it on a parenting forum. Ok?

It's a pandemic. A rare situation that is difficult for everyone whether you are WFH whilst home schooling , picking up the slack for colleagues or shielding or a key worker.It's a case of everyone doing their bit to get through it. Whining about hard done by you is futile.

Also, in any time (I.e. not restricted to a global pandemic) I would caution against working over time in the assumption of some imminent reward.

It doesn’t work like that. It never has.

I work in a long hours field and I’ve certainly put the time in. At certain points, 12 hour days would have felt like a walk in the park. But promotion comes when it suits the company, not before.

By all means work hard and build your skill set. You’ll get the benefit eventually. But expecting immediate remuneration or reward for going over and above is naive in normal times let alone during the economic fallout coming our way.

The solution is for you and your flat mate only to complete the hours you’re being paid for. Nothing more. Your employers need to find the solution.

You clearly don’t understand just how difficult it is to get anything done while caring for toddlers. Only experience will help you comprehend the reality of this

I work in an old people’s home and will not be sending my children to school June the first. If the twins pick up symptomless Covid19 and it’s transmitted to my workplace or husband it could be fatal

I think finishing at 8pm is pretty good tbh
I normally finish around 10pm and work some of the weekend. But I've always done that - it's the only way you can teach and have kids really (I'm part time).

Supporting the company in its rule if need will put you in a good position for promotion. Your employers do need to know that you’re picking up the extra work and it’s taking hours of your personal time. They may attempt to scale back the workforce otherwise, if they think one person can do the job of two.

It's none of your business what other people are doing productivity wise, that's between them and management. If you have an issue with your workload, speak to your manager.

You are completely unreasonable to expect a parent to be able to give 100% to work whilst parenting and home school. Young children need feeding, toileting and nurture, you can't just shut them in a cupboard with a gag on for 12 hours.

Interesting to see you didn't add the survey option, I think you knew how this would pan out.

I'm sorry but you actually have an easier time of this. Trying to work from home whilst caring for children is an absolute nightmare.

I feel like I'm spinning a million plates. I've got deadlines. A zillion interruptions. Guilt I'm not looking after my children properly and guilt that Im cutting corners on my job.

I'm trying to do the best I can - luckily I have supportive employees.

Op. Would you not be more frustrated by your colleagues who would normally be working and picking up the slack but have been furloughed rather than those who are working? For the record I'm a single parent of 2 school age DC who require a lot of input and I'm working full time. I was given the choice of working v being furlough. I chose to carry on working as I like my job and want to support my team. No admittedly I can't work as long hours as some of my colleagues who don't have DC but they know how hard I have always worked when thing are normal and that my intention is there. It's just very hard. That is enough for them respect how much I put in despite notable to do as much as I'd like.
Understand the logic behind your view but it still seems a bit unempathetic. To me. Besides...I work with lots of people who have been furloughed. The whole company have taken a 20% pay cut so I'm working and earning the same as those who are sitting at home doing nothing. I still see us all as one team of people just trying to get through all of this and come out the other side. Don't feel bitter. You have a job that you are clearly very good at. As others have said, you can't to anything to change the situation (ie people having DC at home) so perhaps reframing your thinking might help.