Parents wfh and the furloughed for childcare

[baskininjoe]

I am childless, currently by choice because I am in my twenties but do plan to have a child in the future at some point.

AIBU to be getting annoyed with the short end of the stick that the childless are getting right now with everything regarding childcare and lockdown.

I have so many colleges who are currently wfh whilst looking after children. I completely sympathise and understand this is hard but I am really starting to get annoyed with them being less productive, and logging less hours for the same pay (no reduction), whilst the rest of us are expected to pick up the slack, and work more hours to make sure tasks still get completed, whilst not being paid anymore for our extra time and effort. I know there is no perfect solution but it really grates on me that they aren't being paid for what they complete which could therefore compensate the rest of us for the extra we are having to do because they are not fully fulfilling their role.

On top of this with the idea of school provisionally going back in June some of these parents have said they will not be sending their DC to school, despite a place being open and available to them, and therefore expect the rest of us to continue to pick up their slack because they can't work as productively whilst looking after their children.

My housemate (shared house) works in a place where many parents have been furloughed for childcare reasons, despite their being lots of work to do, just because they've asked to be. This means that my housemate has been incredibly stressed as the workload is still high but the team is now smaller, whilst many of their colleges are receiving 80% on the taxpayer, despite their actually being work for them to do, all because they complained to their employer that it was too hard working with children and thus asking to be furloughed. This is especially grating as it is taxpayer money that is being used to pay them, despite their actually being a job they could do and be payed for.

I am not at all against the furlough scheme, another of my housemates work in a restaurant and is also on furlough and this is absolutely the right thing as they can not work, despite wanting to, as their place of work is not allowed to open.

However I think:

1. Some employers and employees are taking the piss by allowing staff to be furloughed/asking to be furloughed despite their actually being a job to do. Which then negatively affects the rest of the teams as the work level remains the same but there are less people to do the work so the remaining people have to work harder with no extra pay.

1. Employers need to be understanding but also firm with parents that although some productively will be affected by having DC at home, a certain level still needs to be consistently met or they are not doing their job properly and that negatively affects the business and the rest of the team.

1. Employers need to be especially understanding and grateful to employees still working, who are picking up the slack for those not being as productive because of DC at home/furloughed for childcare reasons despite their still being work. And actually need to consider financially compensating them for the high level of extra work and overtime and/or promise to look at these people first for upcoming promotions as as they have shown serious dedication to the business.

1. Employers should not be allowing parents to choose not to send DC to school when they can if it continues to affect the parents productivity level.

I understand this is a hard time for everyone, and parents do have it hard with few childcare options for DC, however that is not the problem of their colleagues and they should not be negatively affected by being expected to work far far more for no extra gain. My housemate and I are stressed beyond belief both having to work 10-12 hours every day for what would be a 9-5 office job in order to pick up the slack for colleagues whilst not being paid anymore whilst these colleagues are only completely 4-6 hours a day yet continuing to be paid the same as us. And on top of this are expecting it to continue despite their child being able to go to school soon because they are choosing not to send them.

I can see both sides and it's crap all round at my dh work one member of team was furloughed whilst others had to continue to work ( not normal work/Job ) luckily it was wfh and we felt a little hard done by with this as he was working colleague on same pay ( his company topped up to 100 ) then we had to remember others such as myself have lost their jobs
I don't think many are winning , parents will be at home knowing they aren't as productive and feeling bad about that as well as prob feeling guilty dc are being put in front of tv or that schoolwork is a little behind it in order to keep up they will be working all hots
Other colleagues will be working extra such as yourself will be feeling peeved as they are doing more but not being paid more
But I don't think there are any winners
There will always be the few that take the mick unfortunately but in general it's just shit all round

Sorry if that sounds tough but coming on here and moaning about parents is a sign you are struggling to manage yourself. Go and talk to your boss.

@Theworldisfullofgs please refrain yourself from commenting on my professional work and persona based purely off of afew messages on a thread. It's deeply insulting. I have a very well developed theory of mind (yes I do know what that is having minored in psychology). I can empathise and judge simultaneously and you seem to have no empathy for me. It goes both ways you know.

It sounds as though your main priority is to try and punish parents for a situation that’s completely out of their control. Totally agree that you should get the hours you’ve worked overtime in lieu so you can take a long holiday, raise this with your employer, but for your own sake I wouldn’t mention your other discriminatory ideas.

@HeyThereDelilah1

I don't want to punish parents, I just want recognition for what I have done.

However if there is only X amount of money in the pot then in order to be fairly compensated some may have to be taken away from those who are being compensated for. That's not punishment it's economics. Equally I'm not saying don't look at parents for promotions, I'm saying especially keep in mind the people who worked 12 hour days to keep the business alive when this was what was needed when deciding on promotions. Because to be quite honest if when life goes back to normal I and my colleagues who have been working 12 hours a day get no recognition or compensation for this we would all be looking to quit at once, and where will that leave the business.

Totally off topic, but a PP mentioned a 28 month old. That’s a 2 year old....
by that measure I’m 498 months old. Caring for a 768 year old, with additional needs. 🙄

@HeyThereDelilah1

I would also be more than happy to take the extra time I've worked in lieu as compensation. I could use a long break. But I can already see the parents returning to FT screaming about how they haven't had a holiday and childcare is still work so why I do get the time off when they were still working, just their work was doing childcare and not for the company.

If you studied psychology I would expect you to use your knowledge.

But I can already see the parents returning to FT screaming about how they haven't had a holiday and childcare is still work so why I do get the time off when they were still working, just their work was doing childcare and not for the company.

Wow.

Chip.

You really do hate colleagues with children don't you?

You seem to think you are entitled to a promotion because of short term performance. That's not necessarily the case. Long term performance should be taken into account.

Also life lesson: You don't always get recognised for all the work you do. Don't expect to be.

Jesus, so first we get the othering of furloughed on here, but no, that’s not quite enough. Now threads attacking people for choosing to wfh so they can look after their kids?! Christ the audacity of them!

If you want a reward for getting to keep your job when others aren’t, given that your employer has chosen to furlough other staff when there is still plenty of work to do, which is not what furlough is actually for, then good luck with that.

I’m fed up with people coming on here to criticise their colleagues when it there bosses they should be aiming at. But, oh no, you won’t dare punch up. Your not a martyr just smug.

This isn't ideal for a lot of people and it must be annoying feeling like you're having to pick up the slack from parents with children...... but honestly I can't imagine how hard it is for people trying to work from home, look after/homeschool children as well as other things that need doing.
It's ok saying these people are being offered a place at school so should have to send them but have you seen any letters that have been sent from schools? They aren't pleasant reading I cried reading ours and I think until you're in the position that parents are being put in you can't really judge.
I'm jealous of families where both parents are off and earning 80% of their wage whilst my husband is working extra long hours and most of what should be his weekends off to cover high demand and staff sickness, but it's tough and we just have to get on with it.

This may help if you have some degree of empathy OP

@Noshowlomo

Thank you. And thank you for being the only one to acknowledge it too. It's been hard but reflecting on it I've taken the decision to not try for a baby for a few years and enjoy all the freedom free time that comes with being child free. Then when I do decided to have a child I will have done everything I wanted and be prepared to give my time fully for them.

It's especially hard on threads like this where people scream about how I'd know better if I had a child. God I wish I had my child right but I don't. And seeing people go on about how much harder they have it with children when I lost mine is heartbreaking. I'm not saying that their life isn't hard but the part of me still grieving still hurts to hear this and the grief has been coming back as the due date approaches.

"If you want a reward for getting to keep your job when others aren’t, given that your employer has chosen to furlough other staff when there is still plenty of work to do, which is not what furlough is actually for, then good luck with that. "

No one got furloughed who wasn't asked to be. And I agree this is an abuse of the furlough system by both my employer and the employees asking.

"Now threads attacking people for choosing to wfh so they can look after their kids?! Christ the audacity of them!"

There's no choice about it, everyone in my office is working from home for the foreseeable future. And I'm not attacking anyone, but I am frustrated that, through no fault of their own, my colleagues aren't completing their workload and thus I have to pick up the slack, working 12 hour days with no recognition or compensation for the extra time. I'm angry at the situation, not the people.

@feelingcrook

"I'm wfh full-time and trying to meet the needs of just one child and it's utter hell. Think yourself lucky you don't have kids left and all you need to worry about if picking up a bit of slack from colleagues. Boo boo."

Thinking myself lucky I don't have kids? Are you fucking kidding me? I had a miscarriage. I would love to have that kid. I am not lucky that I do not have my child because of my miscarriage, I am decidedly unlucky.

I have far more to worry about thank you very much. Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean my life is stress and worry free. And it's not 'abit of slack' it's far far more work, unrelentingly every day. It would be like if I gave you an extra child every day and told you to just get on with it, it's only one extra.

"This is a parents forum. Why don't you piss off and moan somewhere else."

Because, despite the name, @MNHQ have said many times this forum is for every and anyone to use as long as they adhere to community guidelines, which I have always done. I have very much a right to be here as you do.

I have very much a right to be here as you do.

And everyone has a right to say YABU too and that you have a bad attitude to working parents.

And yet, despite supposedly not blaming "the people", you think they should be denied career progression and that your company should give you some of their wages.

Telling someone on a parenting forum or anywhere that they are lucky not to have a child is despicable

I honestly dont know what you expected.

You've told people you were childless by choice but now you are saying you are not.

You say your not attacking your working parent colleagues but in your next breath you say you have their future in your hands.

You express no empathy for anyone elses situation yet you expect people to be going poor you.

Do you know the only good thing I thought we might get out of this situation was a move away from presentism to productivity. I'm not even sure you know the difference.

Whilst I don't agree with the OP, I do believe that @feelingcrook took it way too far. Telling someone to "Think yourself lucky you don't have kids" is pretty disgusting regardless of whether you've not been arsed to RTFT or not. You can't just assume people are lucky to not have children. Miscarriages and infertility are things that actually happen to real people with feelings.

@Theworldisfullofgs I believe what she was saying is that she would have had her child, had she not been utterly unfortunate enough to have a miscarriage but since then has now decided that she isn't ready to become a parent just yet.

I agree with your other points

"You've told people you were childless by choice but now you are saying you are not."

I have quite clearly explained that I had the miscarriage and I the wake of it have decided to stay childless for a while before trying to have a baby again. But if you could give me back the child I lost in October I would take it in a heartbeat. There a nuances to situations.

"You say your not attacking your working parent colleagues but in your next breath you say you have their future in your hands."

I have never said I have their future in my hands. I've said it's part of my job to monitor productivity, task completions, hours logged on, talk to them about these things and report it all back to my employer. It is in their hands what they do with this information.

"You express no empathy for anyone elses situation yet you expect people to be going poor you. "

I have expressed empathy countless times, just because I haven't done it how you want me to doesn't mean I haven't been empathetic.

"Do you know the only good thing I thought we might get out of this situation was a move away from presentism to productivity. I'm not even sure you know the difference."

Do not belittle me, I know exactly what the difference is. This thread talks specifically about how productively has fallen and the slack is having to be picked up by the rest of us. And I have completely acknowledged that some colleagues are able to function at higher levels of productivity that other whilst simultaneously logging less hours.

It’s tough on everyone. The parents can’t help it and it’s an absolute nightmare trying to do it all. Sure it’s annoying for you to have to do extra work, if that’s the case, but the parents you work with didn’t create the situation and if some don’t want to send their kids back to school then surely you can take a minute to use your imagination and any empathy you can scrabble together to guess at why that is?

You just have no experience of their situation and obviously are finding it hard to put yourself in someone else’s’ shoes.

This is unbelievable. Op if you’re having it hard in your small flat do you really not imagine those working in small flats... with children as well aren’t having it very hard? Yes there is a lot going on in your life but there is a lot going on in everyone’s life. I’m not working currently but my work is usually quite demanding. I could give up sleep altogether and I couldn’t match my usual productivity if I also had to parent my children at the same time. If you think people missed your suggestion that companies pay people like you more adn people at home with children less for the less hours they are working, or if you don’t think it sounded like a veiled threat when you explained you will update on staff productivity and this is how they will make redundancy decisions you are kidding yourself. If I were presenting staff productivity to my boss I’d say actually this should only be used to understand overall progress and output we should be working towards as obviously we can’t expect usual productivity from many people right now. Yes I might say and baskin is working very hard, should see if we can give her a break, but I’d also say im concerned about sue and dan, they are really struggling with the kids work juggle and sound exhausted. If someone came to me with a presentation like sue is doing 5 hours a day I’d send them back to humanise it if sue had children. There are cfs everywhere and that has literally nothing to do with whether you have children or not so focus on them not the parents here.