Is this what life really is?

[Pers]

I'm sitting here wondering how many people are genuinely happy, living in suburbia with 2.5 kids, compulsory retirement age, doing a job that you have to commit to until you get your kids through university.

So the question is:
Is that generally what people are happy with, or are we doing what is expected of us

[user8558]

I don't live in suburbia - I don't work either (at the moment, this will change in time, but it will be a job not a career) in many ways I think my life is pretty good.

But I do also think, is this it? It seems the best of all possible worlds. We pay for our security by sacrificing adventure. I suppose it is just life. I'm trying hard to make peace with it and count my blessings. One day after disasters begin to strike I know I'll look back and miss these times. But the idea that this is the best there is for me and that it's downhill from now on, is deeply depressing. But that is life.


These who say that that's not their life your describing - then what is your life? What shape is it? What does it look like if not house, work (inside or outside the home), relationship and children.

[terribletwosandthrees]

I have a single colleague in her mid 30s who absolutely aspires to the 2 kids in suburbia life. It shocked me when she told me because it's not the life for me but everyone is different, thank goodness.

[hopsalong]

For many people any life reduced to its bare material circumstances would be, finally, inadequate for happiness. And that needn't be 2.5 kids in suburban. It could be 0 kids or 7 (depending on what you prefer), a job you adore, an excellent marriage, huge wealth, a palace to live in etc... These people (I am certainly one of them) have a sort of metaphysical yearning for more. Possibly they would have been happier living in a society where religious faith was a large part of life and easier to maintain. (I would like to believe in God, but find it impossible to do as a modern scientific person.) Some of these people find fulfilment in art, music, writing. Others in various kinds of alternative spirituality. Some in extreme sports or feats of endurance, or heroic actions on behalf of other people.

So the problem isn't the 2.5 kids or the suburbia. It would be the same in Buckingham Palace or the slums of Calcutta. The problem is this spiritual hunger and yearning for something more. I think we each have to find our own solutions to that, but beginning by paying close attention to bits of the natural world (the particular shade of a buttercup, the shape of a leaf, the movement an ant makes running across a kitchen counter, the different qualities of bird song) is a good idea.

[WanderingMilly]

Years and years ago I had a husband, 2 kids and an average life. I remember thinking "Is this it?" I was bored, discontented...but I didn't see any other way. I did it because it was what was expected of me, because my parents did the same. We didn't have masses of money so no exciting holidays overseas to relieve the boredom of it all, and I had to get on with it because of the children.

A few years later the children were older, I had learned to drive, retrained and had my first job. It wasn't much and paid crap money but I began to be independent. After that I divorced. The children grew up, they left home....they really do eventually leave home.

My life changed. Despite still not having much money I was free to move to different areas, take on new work, try new relationships, travel abroad.... Those years have been the best of my life. I wish I'd known sooner in life, I wouldn't have done the "living in suburbia with partner and 2.5 kids" thing at all. It's rubbish.

However, if you want something different, don't think there's no hope as there are more years left than you imagine after the 2.5 kids grow up. Start planning now....

[PrimeroseHillAnnie]

I think a lot of people are gonna be happy just to have a job soon.

[monkeyonthetable]

If you don't like it, change it. It's allowed. the only rule is: you chose to have DC, they didn't choose to be born, so their happiness and stability is more important than your self-fulfilment until they are adults.

Do no harm, take no shit. Have as much fun as humanly possible within those two rules.

[Marsalimay]

I’ve looked the book up, it isn’t called Fearless, it’s Untamed by Doyle.

[user8558]

I really do appreciate the wonder of nature around me. I really do. But looking at a buttercup is not going to sate my longing for connection.

[monkeyonthetable]

@WanderingMilly. You sound like you know what you are talking about - would you have had DC anyway but raised them differently, and if so, what would you have done differently?

FWIW I was raised by 'bohemian' parents so I've always found the safety and stability of 2 kids and suburbia to be quite exotic: clean clothes, routines - after 25 years, I still take pleasure in these small things after a childhood without them.

[Devlesko]

This isn't my life, I wouldn't have chosen it.
I think more so now than ever people are looking at making their life better.
Mine was pretty much how i wanted it before corona, and i plan to go back with a few adjustments.
You need to do what you want to now.
let the kids find their own way now, they don't need you to see them through uni, they're grown ups now. You've done your bit, maybe time to cut those strings.

[KaptenKrusty]

So do something more fun? Dave up, rent your house out, Pack up and take your kids off backpacking for a year?

Move somewhere mor exciting?

Tell your kids to get a student loan for college - you don’t have to fund it If you can’t or don’t want to

You don’t have to work until compulsory retirement age - figure out a way to retire early?

My parents rent their house out half the year and travel around or go and live somewhere super cheap the other half of the year.

Your choosing a life that you don’t want - so fix it!

[Sparklesocks]

I think that’s more the bones/foundation of life though isn’t it? It’s about much more than that.

[DontTouchTheMoustache]

It totally depends on the person. I am a single mother to one, I had a child because I felt like a desperately wanted one, I guess some kind of primal urge? But not because I felt it was expected. I work to support the life I want, just bought my first home and love mini trips to Europe away when I'm child free. My son makes me happy and so does the travel and seeing friends etc, the work side is fulfilling in that I am always challenging myself but I never try and think about the is that all there is side of thing.
Life is whatever you want it to be.

[SusieOwl4]

But that’s why we are lucky we live in this country. We have choices . Don’t have children if you don’t want to . Live on a houseboat if you want to etc etc. Everyone to their own.

[Flamingofolie]

Compulsory retirement age?

[PerfidiousAlbion]

Are you a journalist OP?

[DamnYankee]

Wanted to be married. Married.
Wanted a house. Bought a house.
Wanted two kids. Had two kids.
Retrained for a job I love; however, it was a hard slog.
None of this came without sacrifice of time, absolute freedom, and money/resources.
So it all means something to me. But I'll never stop moving forward, either.

[Auntlouisa]

There isn't a compulsory retirement age anymore.

[Pelleas]

Why do you make so many assumptions, OP? I'm childfree and hope to retire early. All my money will be spent on meeeeeee!

[FourTeaFallOut]

I have all of the above and I consider it a big adventure. Maybe I am easily pleased?

[OneandTwenty]

Is that generally what people are happy with, or are we doing what is expected of us

is that what you are doing? Life is too short to be miserable as far as I am concerned, and I am not a martyr. Having to earn a living when you aren't born with a trust fund doesn't mean we all have a dreary life.

If you feeling so bit up, it might be time to retrain and do something you enjoy more.

I am curious too, tell us more about that 0.5 child of yours

[ScrimpshawTheSecond]

Happiness comes from within.

NOT THE FRIDGE.

As you were.

[thunderthighsohwoe]

Yes. Though I love my job (teacher) so am very fortunate 8n that respect.

Couldn’t live in suburbia either. It’s village or nothing for me, even if that means we’re stuck in a flat forever.

[Godzillasonice]

It depends some people would love that. At the moment I’m a single mum with 3 children working in a job I don’t mind with no way of affording to put them through university as my rent wipes out most of my wages.

[WitsEnding]

There is no compulsory retirement age in the UK, nobody has 2.5 kids, not all kids go to university let alone are bankrollled, live where you want.

Many people are content with a happy family life in an agreeable location and financial security, and are prepared to put in the work to get there. If it doesn't float your boat that's fine, do something different.

Adults make their own choices.