Is this what life really is?

[Pers]

I'm sitting here wondering how many people are genuinely happy, living in suburbia with 2.5 kids, compulsory retirement age, doing a job that you have to commit to until you get your kids through university.

So the question is:
Is that generally what people are happy with, or are we doing what is expected of us

[thepeopleversuswork]

But you can’t define someone - less still gauge their happiness - based on how outwardly conventional their circumstances are. There are people in suburbia with 2.5 kids living an absolute Victor Meldrew stereotype and there are others who are actually spies, or part time circus artistes, or organise world of Warcraft geek fests. Some are happy, some are miserable, some are in the middle.

It’s such a lazy cliche to assume that you can define all middle class people as dull sell-outs. There are people from all walks of like who are, in their own way, playing to stereotypes but no one is purely the sum of their demographic circumstances. You can live on a hippie commune and also just be a victim of what’s expected of you.

To some degree everyone caves in to a degree of societal pressure but within those confines there are a million ways of carving out your own way of life. Don’t prejudge everyone by the surface of what their life amounts to.

[AllIMissNowIsTheSea]

plopper? journalist?

I hate OPs who plop something down and don't come back and respond to the comments.

Obviously the life you describe isn't compulsory, if you're unhappy there are plenty of things you can change without screwing up your theoretical children's futures (although having half a child is pretty screwed up, so I assue you don't actually have any).

Perhaps you're finding life unsatisfying because you don't engage with it, the same way you're failing to engage with the thread you started Pers...

[Zaphodsotherhead]

You make your own enjoyment.

I took a job with fewer hours and which needs only a fraction of my fairly extensive qualifications in order to have more time to enjoy. It means less money, but I'd rather have the free time.

We make our own lives. There's no point in painting yourself into a suburban 2.5 kid corner and then complaining about it, when there's plenty else you can do.

[Magic2020]

I'm happy sometimes, not happy others. Isn't that the same for everyone, no matter what their circumstances are? At least I don't look down on others for their life choices, and yes, I'm happy about that

[CoRhona]

Agree with @Helmetbymidnight

Some of us, after years of hedonistic 'me me' living during teens and twenties, were happy to commit to marriage, mortgage and children when we met the right partner. Three teens, married over 20 years, job I enjoy. Where did I go wrong?

[OneandTwenty]

Devlesko
Most people I know with money are no happier than those I know without, in fact in some cases those without are happier as not wanting more all the time.

good for them. People I know who have the luxury to chose what their life looks like and are not stuck in horrible accommodation, in a shit job with a bullying boss are much happier than the ones struggling.

Being poor is pretty grim. Money doesn't bring happiness, but it makes your life a hell of a lot easier, gives you choices and options.

[user1486915549]

Well that’s not the sort of life I wanted so that’s not the sort of life I’ve led.
Never felt it was “ expected “ of me.
What would you rather do OP. ?

[Troels]

Your work is only a part of your life. If you enjoy your family, your home, your garden, your hobbies it isn't all a drudge.
Dh and I drummed into our boys Dd still in school that they must pick a job/career that they enjoy doing. If it doesn't suit after while change it.
They will be doing it a long time so you may as well enjoy it so it enhances your life.
It could be anything, not neccessarily high flying, it's who you work with and where you are they is what makes life good.
If it's a drudge then you have to change it. Move areas, downsize, stop having kids, whatever it takes to make life more enjoyable.

[VanGoghsDog]

Gosh, sounds awful, glad it's not my life.

[OrangeSamphire]

I spent some of my teens living in suburbia. It was enough for me to know that I NEVER wanted to live that life. It just absolutely isn't for me and I found it totally stifling and dull.

As a result I've spent my life so far either in urban grit or by the coast.

And there's no way in hell I'd spend my life doing the same boring job forever either. I have worked hard to have a varied and interesting career and will continue to.

I do have two children, but neither of them are 'typical' either thanks to neurodiverse genes.

But that's me. Maybe a detached house in suburbia really is someone's dream life? I hope so, or there's an awful lot of people making compromises with their one precious life.

[itsgoodtobehome]

I'm genuinely happy with my fairly dull life (only 1 child though). But I did get into it late - married at 39 (just) and child at 41 (just). Up until then I done a lot with my life - traveled the world, lived on my own, bought my own property, had a great disposable income, loads of friends, busy social life, so I think I was ready for a quieter life. If I had settled down and had kids at a much younger age, and maybe married a first boyfriend or something like that, then yes, maybe I would be more dissatisfied with my life.

[Devlesko]

OneandTwenty

People I know who have the luxury to chose what their life looks like and are not stuck in horrible accommodation, in a shit job with a bullying boss are much happier than the ones struggling

Exactly, nobody has to live like this, and having little money and not expecting more means you don't have to be the above, or struggle.
it's having money thats the struggle imo.

[HeretoThereandBackAgain]

It sounds like hell to me.

I live rurally now, which I like. I’ve lived in cities, villages, towns and the suburbs. I wouldn’t live in the suburbs again. Never wanted kids either.

[Movinghouseatlast]

That's not the life I wanted. Not doing it is hard and risky financially though- or was for me.

I gave up my dream career as I was earning not much and getting not very far.

I realised that I was living for holidays and that was when I was happiest. I hated the corporate treadmill I was on, although the job itself was fun and I liked the people. It all seemed so pointless to me.

Last year I jacked it all in, moved to Cornwall and set up a holiday let business. Almost a year to the day later Corona hit and I've had no income since and huge bills! But my old job would have stopped dead too.

I think some people genuinely don't think about the total futility of life itself, it's only purpose is to keep alive but we create meaning to avoid the fact that it is futile. I believe that the only point is to be happy.

I often think about war mongers. Do they not think we only have one life, let's enjoy it and have fun?

[BelfryBat]

'The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.' - Thoreau

Also applies to women.

[NiceLegsShameAboutTheFace]

I'd hate it. I've always know that I'd hate it, consequently that's not how my life is.

But a lot of people would love it.

The world don't move to the beat of just one drum .....

[corythatwas]

Personally it seems a pretty shallow idea to me that life has to be boring if you are married, or if you have kids, or if you live in the suburbs. Surely it's about what your marriage is like, what you do in your suburban house (or out of it), even how you raise your children? There is nothing to say you can't have those three things and still spend your time on something that is fascinating, or that changes people's lives, or that is going to impact on the world after you're gone.

Come on, OP, what do you see yourself doing that could really make you feel your life was exciting and worthwhile?

For me, it is research, for dh it is probably his painting, for dd it is theatre, for my granddad it was trying to develop his mind, for many of my relatives it has been social work.

What could it be for you? And what could you do now to work towards that?

[Lockdownlife]

@Redleathertrousers I'm 30. I'm aware there is still (some) time to change my mind, but I feel like if I did change my mind, it still wouldn't be what I actually wanted.

[Vamoosh]

You have a far better quality of life than most of the world’s population if that’s your situation. If you aren’t enjoying yourself perhaps change your way of thinking. I have a wonderful life but then I love the simple things in life. I love animals and wildlife/nature. A walk in the countryside on my own or with a dog in tow is my idea of heaven, we live in a beautiful world. I enjoy growing veg and flowers and meeting with friends and family. Not many people I know are satisfied with these things, they want a brand new car on finance and a huge house they can only just afford or the latest fashionable clothes. It’s all about perspective, find what makes you tick instead of what everyone else is doing.

[Oakmaiden]

@soberfabulous

I like a life filled with adventure and a life with meaning. I'm making this happen every day.

So tell us about this.

Because my life feels about the opposite.

[blue25]

Sounds miserable to me & doesn’t represent my life. I have a career I love (which pays well) and will be retiring at 50 to travel the world.

[SecondaryBurnzzz]

It wasn't what we wanted out of life, so we live in London with 1 child. We have lived a modest life, and the stuff we enjoy is normally free - art galleries, museums etc, and we manage a couple of good holidays a year to interesting cities (sometimes on a beach). It's exactly what we want to do. Our jobs are worthwhile and not amazingly paid, but we have saved up for when DD wants to go to University or help towards a deposit on a flat.

[FleecyMoo]

Who are these people you're describing with their strange half children? Do some parents end up with the bottom half of a child and others the top or are they cut vertically? Are you one of these people OP?

I'm certainly not because 'they' (and I've never had a satisfactory response to explain who 'they' are) don't dictate my life. Please don't let 'them' (the mysterious ones) dictate yours either. We only have one life so it's madness not to live it how we want, providing we are not hurting others by doing so.

[YgritteSnow]

Not for me it isn't. So I got rid of my horrible ex and save all my money to take my children travelling and for "experiences". I take term time holidays in order to be able to afford to do so. I prioritise this over "things", which horrifies my Mum and my choices are discussed disapprovingly amongst family members. I've seen places and done things they and many others never will and I wouldn't change a thing. Six months before the pandemic broke I was hiking in The Yukon and sailing by glaciers. Almost every day I am grateful I did that before all this happened because who knows when I will get the chance again?

[Devlesko]

I like a life filled with adventure and a life with meaning. I'm making this happen every day.

My sentiments exactly, life is for living, who knows what's round the corner.
find something that makes you happy, if it makes you more money than you need to survive then that's a bonus.