Is this what life really is?

[Pers]

I'm sitting here wondering how many people are genuinely happy, living in suburbia with 2.5 kids, compulsory retirement age, doing a job that you have to commit to until you get your kids through university.

So the question is:
Is that generally what people are happy with, or are we doing what is expected of us

[Cornana]

Depends on the person. When I was younger, I hated the idea of marriage with a husband and having kids, however perceived it as my only option.

Now, I’m focussing on finishing my degree, buying property in London and maybe adopting kids. Having biological kids is a very unlikely option for me anyway.

However, I’d definitely say career would be what I choose. Kids will be something I consider if I get my ‘dream job’ (achievable but hard work) and only then.

I don’t know if I’m selfish, but if I am not stable financially, I’d rather not have kids. I guess I am quite ambivalent to the idea.

[GnomeDePlume]

Marriage, DCs, job which is okay, allotment.

I am very happy

[ChandlerIsTheBestFriend]

Well lots of people don’t do it. That’s not life for a great many.

[topcat2014]

Personally I think we sell our kids a myth.

You need to work to live. Even good jobs become a chore. Mortgages are a tie. Children are a tie.

If you can accept that rather than FOMO you might be happier

[Beechview]

It’s generally in human nature to form a relationship and want to pro create.
Often, we also need a dwelling and want a role in society and community so it fits most people’s desires.
Some people don’t want thatand it’s fine.

[pallasathena]

I get it OP. I am of that generation where working class parents assumed that daughters had no need of an education because after a short stint behind the counter of Boots, or a couple of years in the typing pool, off you'd go to get married and produce the next generation.
And so, my expectations were just that.
A job, marriage, kids, sorted.
Except, the magazines and the social conditioning told a great big fat lie and it wasn't until I read The Female Eunuch by Germaine Greer, that I slowly began to wake up.
As did very many other young women of my generation.
Society nudges us into these roles at the macro and the micro level and our inner happiness depends upon whether or not we eventually take the red pill.
I took the red pill.
Eventually.

[OneandTwenty]

Personally I think we sell our kids a myth.

You need to work to live.

I am teaching my kids that they need to be financially independent to have freedom and choices. it's not quite the same.

[Devlesko]

I agree with selling our kids a myth.

I hate all this having to live a certain way, do you bollocks. Not even if you have kids.
Don't go for the money, it doesn't make you happy and just makes you want what the Jones's have, especially if they're your neighbours, on your street, doing the same level of work etc.

I told mine to choose something they really enjoy doing that they can do for themselves and not a boss.
To come and go as they please, and live how they want, not how society dictates. It didn't do me and dh any harm.

[Lily193]

What you've described would be my idea of absolute hell but then I've never considered what might be 'expected of me'.

[DadOnIce]

Sometimes.

The 'most dangerous situation you have ever put yourself in' thread made me feel like the world's most boring person! And wondering why I never met any of those who've posted about being young and irresponsible, back when I was young and wanted to be irresponsible. All my friends seem to have been terribly sensible too...

[OneandTwenty]

Don't go for the money, it doesn't make you happy and just makes you want what the Jones's have
does it? If Brexit and the pandemic has shown us something is that being financially safe and able to make choices goes a very long way whilst there is such a thing as pretending you are above society when you are just as much stuck in it as everybody else...

[MaryMaryContrary]

@pallasathena Great post! I'm off to buy that book now!

[topcat2014]

I feel boring after reading the dangerous situation thread too...

That and my early adult life being nothing like the normal people tv show

[Buzzybee23]

Is it not about the moments. Like the holidays. The summer days. The days out. The milestones your kids reach.

Travelling and living life in adventure mode is doable if that's what you want. Someone on my Facebook has been travelling around Australia etc for 3 years. Met a girl. He now is having a romantic travelling life.

Another women without kids on my Facebook moved to Thailand and seems to live in peacefull mediation gardens and on swings on the beach.


Without money you can't do alot. But money can't buy happiness. Hence the suicide in celebrities etc. The drink problems millionaires have too. It's just a case of the grass is always greener

[Winterwoollies]

I and self employed and live in the country with 0.9 children, 30.0 animals, 3.0 cars. I’m very happy. Do whatever makes you happy, don’t compare yourself to others or do stuff because other people are.

[Electrical]

‘Is this what life really is?’
If you choose that, yeah. I would rather not exist at all than have a kid and work in an office until I die, but it seems the entire adult population can’t get enough of it.

[Devlesko]

OneandTwenty

Most people I know with money are no happier than those I know without, in fact in some cases those without are happier as not wanting more all the time. This is pretty typical of society and people from all walks of life.
Choose a lifestyle that makes you happy and there's no need/ want for more all the time.
Our philosophy and it's worked for us, but we are all different and choose different lifestyles. I had mine planned when young.

[Helmetbymidnight]

im very happy (fearful and fed up with covid obvs)

live in suburbia, contentedly married, 3 kids, job i love and work hard at so can try to make my kids life easier. id like to be very rich, tis true, but id still do the job i do.
spent my youth, travelling, working overseas, studying, shagging...
where have i gone so very wrong op?

[Confusedaboutthis01]

It sounds bleak when phrased that way! I think many people thrive off routine - it gives people purpose! Although more holidays and early retirement sounds great

[XingMing]

I've been young and irresponsible, and young and driven by work, then I was an old mum and since then I've been me. There have been some rubbish interludes, but I have enjoyed most of it, and am now busily semi-retired, but in robust health and reasonable circumstances. Lots to be grateful for, and still have lots to look forward to. My glass is half-full, but I am an introverted optimist.

[Roostersmum2]

Idk, I think i'd be pretty happy with that.

We have two children, we live in inner London in a flat with no garden.

My end goal is to live in the suburbs and have a house with a nice little garden.

I don't want much in life really, just a nice home and happy family. Maybe to travel some more.

[Redleathertrousers]

I get it OP and I do think a lot of it is social conditioning. People may think they've actively made those choices....but many have done what is expected. However many actively do and are very happy. Someone mentioned its best not to think too deeply. But I worry not questioning and not reflecting may cause me to wake up at 50 and think of fuck what have I done with my life?

@Lockdownlife can I ask what age group you're in as I relate very much to what you're saying.

[thebear1]

I love my partner and my children and enjoy my job. I have a nice home and am happy with my lot. That's not to say that there is no alternative that wouldn't make me happier but it would involve risks I don't wish to take. I try to appreciate what I have rather than dwell on what I don't. It could all change so quickly.

[Mlou32]

It does seem like utter drudgery.

[DarylDixonsHair]

It is if you want it to be. If not, don't do it!

It's not for me, but as a single mum on benefits in a council flat I don't have many choices. I am working to make a better life for us all. Freedom costs money, unfortunately!

My ex fancies himself as an 'alternative' guy. Hippie, anarchist, free spirit that wants to 'fuck the system'. In reality, he's a weak, selfish, lazy addict that fucks the system by sitting around with his stoner friends sneering at hard working, successful people for being sheep.