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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Letting children see there dad?

44 replies

Dljen · 17/05/2020 09:05

Hello,I am currently 28 weeks pregnant and have 2 children from a previous relationship.We had a good routine before covid 19 and they would spend a few nights with there dad a week.I have kept them with me for the last 2 months due to everything going on and a fear of them catching it and also worried about me and the baby. He works in public transport so is still going out most days.He has asked to start seeing them again and after giving him a long list of social distancing rules I have agreed.Im just so unsure if im doing the right thing? I don't want to keep them apart but I'm scared they will catch something and become very unwell. What are other people doing in this situation? Thanks

OP posts:
Sally872 · 17/05/2020 09:08

Understand your concern but children should be allowed to see dad. Sounds like he is willing to be as cautious as possible but it is unfair for either parent to block access based on Covid-19 alone. At all stages during lockdown children have been permitted to go between houses for this reason.

(I am very reluctant to ease restrictions but I think this is an important one)

Herpesfreesince03 · 17/05/2020 09:10

YABU. He’s not seen his children for 2 months. How would you feel if your children were taken off you and you were told you weren’t allowed to see them indefinitely? My oh is still working in a very busy environment, it’s not even crossed my mind to ban him from seeing his children. They’re his children too, he shouldn’t need permission

millymollymoomoo · 17/05/2020 09:14

I think you’ve been unfair not letting him see them fir the last 8 weeks! Why do you get to decide ? They’re his children too.

heartsonacake · 17/05/2020 09:16

No, of course you’re not doing the right thing. How cruel of you to keep your children apart from their dad for two months.

I can’t believe you’ve done this. You don’t get to arbitrarily decide he doesn’t get to see them because of your own anxiety. Shame on you.

anothernamechangeagain · 17/05/2020 09:18

I think you’ve been unfair not letting him see them fir the last 8 weeks! Why do you get to decide ? They’re his children too.

^ this

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 17/05/2020 09:20

Fucking hell, you’ve kept them apart for two months?!

They’re his children aswell! What if you were still together? What would you have done then?! What if you had a similar job and he felt the same so kept your children away from you for two months then even questioned letting you see them?!

You have me astonishingly unfair

missmouse101 · 17/05/2020 09:21

Yes, I would let them see THEIR Dad.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 17/05/2020 09:21

*you have been

WhatInFreshHell · 17/05/2020 09:23

It hasn't even crossed my mind to not let DS see his Dad! How awful of you! The only thing that crossed my mind when lockdown came into force was that my DS could potentially not see his Dad indefinitely...thankfully the Government cleared that up pretty quickly! How would you feel if it was the other way around OP? This is not an excuse to exert power over the situation, you're being very unfair to the children!

Sometimeswinning · 17/05/2020 09:25

I dont want to add to the pile on but after a long list of social distancing rules? This was never your choice.

gobbynorthernbird · 17/05/2020 09:41

How dare you? And the 'social distancing' rules, is that a joke?

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 17/05/2020 09:43

That's almost a quarter of a year..........can you imagine going that long without seeing your children ? Hmm

DDiva · 17/05/2020 09:45

It sounds like hes been very patient and he has always had the right to see his children.

I can completely see your reluctance and worry but I think you need to do it, it's not fair on him or the kids to keep them apart.....

HugeAckmansWife · 17/05/2020 09:46

Not to pile on, but you are being v v U. Do you think he doesn't care about their safety? Careful hygiene when they return at your end...i do understand your concerns re the pregnancy but they need to see their dad, especially as they saw him a lot prior to this.

AvocadoPrime · 17/05/2020 09:52

My son is with his dad now and has been for a few weeks. We are having him for longer periods each to reduce movement between households and I miss him terribly but it is so important for the kids to have some normality and see their dad!

endofacentury · 17/05/2020 09:52

Wow I bet all these people so disgusted with the op do not have children that go to another household. At the start down I agreed with my ex that my daughter would not be travelling between our two houses. He was fine with it and they have been FaceTiming. It's not ideal but then I am high risk and we didn't want to increase the risk further, regardless of what the government says! You have to make the decision what's best for your family.

endofacentury · 17/05/2020 09:53

Start of lockdown *

Mayorquimby2 · 17/05/2020 09:59

Yes to pile on.

What you've done so far is despicable, what you're trying to do going forward is also despicable

aliceinsunderland44 · 17/05/2020 09:59

Has it occurred to any of the negative posters that perhaps due to the nature of his job the father has chosen not to see the kids? Perhaps he has prioritised the health of his children over his own desire to see them? Imagine that...Confused

angieloumc · 17/05/2020 10:00

endofacentury and if her DF had kept her at his, you would have been fine with that? I don't think so.
OP you have been very unfair keeping your DC and their dad apart; as for 'rules' I'm sure he as an adult can work it out for himself what is safe.

endofacentury · 17/05/2020 10:01

angielou - she doesn't live there so it wouldn't happen.. get off your high horse

peekaboob · 17/05/2020 10:03

My kids haven't seen their dad since his last weekend on 22nd March. He is still working on customer sites. They FaceTime every day and he'll pop by in his way to work (he lives a few minutes away) and drop a care package on the door and have a chat from the end of the driveway. DP hasn't seen his son since then either and FaceTimes regularly.

Original poster
Dljen · 17/05/2020 10:05

Thank you for all of the replies.Im not going 2 lie I didn't expect some of the comments to be so harsh.Just to clarify it was a mutual agreement 2 begin with and this is the first time he has asked to see the children.I havnt stopped contact and have given both children a phone so they can msg and face time most days.Also they have been drawing pictures and posting them through his letter box.This has never been about stopping them from seeing eachother or punishing anyone,it has been what I believed the best thing to do to keep our children safe.

OP posts:
aliceinsunderland44 · 17/05/2020 10:06

Absolutely vile thread. Calling the op despicable for wanting to protect her kids? Really? Working in public transport is perhaps one of the most dangerous jobs at the moment. Never has she said she stopped the kids going to their fathers, for all you horrible lot know they may have come to a reasonable and amicable decision between them.

He has asked to start seeing the kids again and she has agreed. So where is the wrongdoing there? She's perfectly right to be worried, I would be too. Stop dramatising and being so fucking horrible to people.

aliceinsunderland44 · 17/05/2020 10:07

X post op, but thanks for clarifying. Hopefully all the posters looking for a pile on will feel adequately ridiculous now.