To get frustrated with my mum and her refusal to use a mobile phone?

[SquishyBones]

My mum (early 60s) has had a mobile phone for years however, it has been “charging” for all those years. She just refuses to use it!! Says she doesn’t know how but won’t let anyone show her. It’s so frustrating. All my aunties (mums sisters) have mobiles and so my cousins are constantly texting and sending and receiving photos etc ... I can’t do any of that. Then she gets mad when I text my aunt or sent them photos as she gets jealous and says I’m leaving her out!!

My GRANDMA (mid 80s!!) has been using a mobile phone for years too and has now worked out how to send and receive photos. So why don’t my mum?? She’s just so reluctant to move with the times. Still refuses to use online banking incase her account gets hacked ffs

I've had to pay their home insurance online
They refuse to be flexible, and their stubbornness has paid off handsomely because you are now working for them for free as a personal assistant
The message from them is 'you are there to serve us'
you have obeyed so it looks to them as if you agree with their message 😳

@B1rdbra1n Admittedly I find this stuff frustrating and at times quite inconsiderate and thoughtless but no, their message isn’t you are there to serve us. Must we have the armchair psychology on every single thread 🙄?

My parents are late 60s. They don't have the internet in their house. No computer. They have basic phones. My mum has never experienced social media. I didn't really care before but being in lockdown there can be no other communication apart from talking on the land line. They miss the grand kids etc but got no way of seeing pics etc.
My in laws are early 60s. They do have the internet but just on a very old desk top pc. Again no phones!! I've known them since they were in their 40s and they were the same even then! Theyve always been really old fashioned. No bank accounts etc, just go to the post office and draw cash out! It baffles me!

If someone doesn't want to use a mobile, then they don't need to. Think how much time we all waste on inane instant messaging, scrolling through social media. If someone doesn't want that then that's their choice.

However she can't get mad when you send your aunt pics etc and complain that she isn't getting them. It's her choice to not have a device to receive them on.

Are you me OP??!! Mum got a smart phone last year cos she thought she was missing out not being on the family group chat. Set it all up and she deleted herself by accident. So we added her again. Deleted herself again. Rinse and repeat...try and tell her l will show her it but she doesn't want to know then moans she doesn't know what is going on. Aarrgghh!!

PPs make a good point about those who refuse to change with the times and get online do expect those of us who have to do it for them. My ILs only got internet a few years ago when we convinced them to get online. Turns out they really got into using the laptop so we bought them an iPad for Christmas too. FIL discovered ebay and wanted to buy things from it. I explained how it worked and said they'd need PayPal. "Oh no no no. Don't want any of that nonsense!"
I said, "Okay that's fine but if you want to buy safely from ebay, ideally you need PayPal. So, whatevs."
Mil, "No. we're not getting PayPal. You tell them we'll send them a cheque"
Me: "No MIL that's not how it works."
I offered to set it all up but they steadfastly refused and told us we needed to do it (but the items or make the seller accept a cheque)

I shrugged, told them it was a shame and said see you later. I'm not their secretary. They're perfectly capable but refuse. It is stubbornness.

The people saying “we managed just fine without mobile phones and social media in the past” must have had a very different experience of the 1970s and 80s than I did. Never waited for hours with no news when their children’s school coach inexplicably failed to return from a trip. Never spent 24 hours with no word from a spouse who’d been at the site of a terrorist bomb. Never failed to rendezvous with friends or relatives after you’d failed to realise that the shop/cinema you were meeting at had two entrances (one of these was immensely traumatic because the missing relative was mentally ill). Never been unable to contact your unaccompanied twelve year old snowed in in an airport hotel. Never ended up on the wrong side of airport security from the guy with your passport. We survived all those incidents, but I’d much rather have been able to sort them out in five minutes.

@IDefinitelyHaveFriends Exactly! Someone else said, back in the day when emergencies happened, we didn't descend into anarchy just because we didn't have mobiles. Well, that's true but there were loads of phone boxes and, if you go back far enough, policemen on the beat.
Think you can ring an ambulance from a phone box these days? Good luck with that.

And what about parking? Lots of councils are getting rid of meters, leaving you with just 2 options, use a parking app or dial a number & put up with an interminable palaver where you try to enter all the necessary details, including 16-digit card numbers, via your keypad, and an annoying voice says, "You entered 4, 6, 4. 9, etc. Is this correct? Press 1 for yes, press 2 if you wish to re-enter..."
I came across a social worker who'd just parked and couldn't find the meter. She asked me, and I explained it had been removed & she had two options. When I suggested she get the parking app, she showed me her non-smart phone and said. "I don't do all that." I said, well you're stuck with the phone line then." She was in charge of a large adult man who showed every sign of having learning difficulties, and was trying to wander off as we spoke. She was in a tearing hurry, and basically beside herself with anxiety. She said, "I just don't have time for this," and hurried off. What with cameras recognising number plates, she will certainly have been fined. That's why I say being unable to use mobile tech is a form of poverty, whether self-inflicted or not.

DDIJ “ She can control who I speak to in real life ”

Wait, what?!

See, I nearly posted on here to ask for help about this very thing, last week, but chickened out.

But, in this case OP, I am your Mum (I'm not really - I'm nobody's Mum, and that could be part of the problem!).

I can see that the way the World is going, DH and I need to get smart phones to do the parking payments, track and trace Covid 19 app etc etc.

We have bog standard mobiles, we can text, we can send photos (though we rarely do), but I have no clue how to go about getting a smart phone.

How does it connect to the internet?

Do I have to have a mobile contract with someone to do that? Or, can we pay as you go?

Is there an idiots guide I could read?

Can we get one with big buttons as we're rubbish at the swiping business and texting with little buttons.

The thing about technology for some of us, is, we get a piece of kit and it works for us so we quite happily use it for 25 years or so, then, when it breaks down we discover they don't make that any more and everyone now uses this, but we don't have a clue!

Help!

wingedharpy
This should answer some of your questions.
www.uswitch.com/mobiles/features/the-complete-beginners-guide-to-buying-a-smartphone/

Do I have to have a mobile contract with someone to do that? Or, can we pay as you go?

You can pay as you go. If you are a low user (like my husband), I'd recommend the Three 123 offering. DH tops up around £10 every two years or so.

My mil is similar.
My 87 year old nan has a tablet, downloads books, goes in Facebook. She also has a smartphone and I can send her pics on WhatsApp. She’s not great but she’ll have a go.

My mil is 60, she doesn’t have a smartphone, has a very basic mobile. She’ll call you on the mobile and if she doesn’t get an answer, she’ll switch it off straight away “to save the battery”. So you can’t get hold of her.
She used a cashpoint for the first time ever last week.
Crazy. She’s a lovely lady though and I wouldn’t change her x

Many thanks @notacooldad and @PhoneLock.

You do realise you've now got yourself the job as my go to people when we get one and can't work the bloody thing? 😊

Wingedharpy
Honestly, once you've decided what phone you are getting you will be fine. The best thing to do then is just play with it.
I hardly make calls, I have my works phone for that but I tend to use my phone for accessing the following sites and apps
Listening to podcasts
Mumsnet
Photos
Google translate
Currency converter
Book flights ( well maybe not at the moment)
Spotify
Soundcloud
Bands in town
Band camp
Facebook and Instagram
Shazam
Internet radio
Les mills fitness ( I use the app to transmit through the tv)
Netflix ( when I'm on breaks at work)
WhatsApp
Facetime
lightening QR
Putting my bar order in at Wearherspoons
Email
Earth ( I love to put place names in and having a street view if it)
Timer and stop watch
GP appointments ( book on line)
Meetup
Map my walk
OS Maps
Banking
Tik tok
Sky at night
I've loads of other apps that I use a lot such as Eventbrite, Khan institute,free books etc

I love my phone and finding new stuff!

Why on earth should she if she doesnt want to. MN is full of adults bossing their parents about. At what age are you allowed to make your own decisions?

Thing is eventually everyone will have to use technology. The old way of doing things is being phased out.

You can take a horse to water....

NoMorePoliticsPlease
My sentiments exactly! As long as she's happy to miss out on some photos etc, I don't see a problem. A bossy controlling lot on this thread.

I don't have a smartphone either. It's not a problem. People can email photos if they want. Could you so that? (Or even print them out!)

People have no duty to buy every new thing that is invented.

She's not happy to miss out on the photos though lifestooshort, that's the problem. OPs mum wants it both ways: to be able to eschew a form of modern technology but also not to feel the impact of that, ie other people receiving communications from her child that she doesn't.