Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why my garden is more risky than a park bench?

166 replies

Iamnotusuallyconfused · 15/05/2020 20:49

I’m confused about the rules - I’ll admit that and I know it’s boring constantly hearing ‘can I do this’ But I’m confused.

So under the new rules, I can meet my mum in a park and sit on a park bench 2m from her - and probably loads of other strangers.

But I’ve been informed I cannot have her sit in my back garden or drive way 2m away?

AIBU to think my garden is not more risky than a park and do it anyway?

And her and my dad live together, why can I not see them together? If she has it, so does he? Is it breaking the rules if he sits in the car while I walk with her and then they switch? What is this madness?

OP posts:
Comefromaway · 16/05/2020 00:23

It’s madness.

I can see my parents as often as I like.

Because I happen to work for their company. Also their company is project managing my garage conversion and my dad is site supervisor. So he can visit my garage. And i can go to their home office.

Lovely1a2b3c · 16/05/2020 00:27

The rules are confusing.

I think that this is the logic:

  1. If you have people visit your garden then they are very likely to pop inside to use the loo
  1. If you meet one of them in the park then the police can tell that you are not gathering with lots of people/different households- you're only meeting one other person. If they said that meeting family rather than one family member was permitted then you would see huge groups of family (e.g. grandparents with all of their kids and several grandkids) meeting etc.

Realistically there is less risk to your parents from them both sitting in your garden; provided that they do not touch anything and don't move their garden chairs etc. Obviously no cups of tea or trips to the loo etc. though.

PotholeParadise · 16/05/2020 00:41

Also, meeting 1 person rather than 3 makes it easier to control what distance everyone is at, and slows down the spread if it later turns out that you were an asymptomatic carrier.

If I meet mum, dad, and my sister in the park and we get too close because we're all trying to carry on a conversation, and then I come down with symptoms two days later, I might have infected all of them. If I only met my mother, I've only passed it on to her, and she maybe isn't infectious yet. So she has warning to isolate, and maybe my dad and sister won't get it at all.

jasjas1973 · 16/05/2020 07:36

@SusieOwl4

I have some understanding of economics and the links to health BUT exactly what is the % of GDP generated by garden centres?

There is zero logic to allow people to go to non essential shops/centres, travel 100s of miles to exercise, go on packed public transport BUT you can't see anyone in your garden and the Police cannot enforce the 2m rule if you chose to ignore it in a the park or on the beach.

I do have some sympathy for what the govt is trying to do but because its seen as silly, it will be ignored and that will be bad for all of us.

EffOrf · 16/05/2020 07:45

One police force was on the news saying they will not be checking which household people belonged to but would be looking at large gatherings.

Biker47 · 16/05/2020 07:54

It's because the public are idiots, you have to lay out a simple to understand absolute rules, which are harder to twist into what you want it to be (the mental gymnastics going on in here is example enough of that), because if they say you can meet family anywhere, even if they say one person only, even more dickheads are going to have the whole family round for BBQ's etc. ad nauseum, they're already not supposed to and I've seen flouting of it from day one, easing it an inch and all the cheeky fuckers take a mile and we're back to square one.

ACauliflowerAndARose · 16/05/2020 07:57

I think it because not everyone can get to their garden without going inside the house. What happens if it rains, will you offer a drink? The loo? There is a temptation to go inside if it starts getting cold

Scarlettpixie · 16/05/2020 08:11

People are more likely to relax and forget to maintain social distancing in each others gardens. They will drink tea, touch surfaces, use the loo etc.

In order to slowly lift the lockdown and monitor the results, there needs to be some limits. It won’t be forever.

Scarlettpixie · 16/05/2020 08:13

Plus give people an inch and they take a mile. At present there will be people thinking what’s the difference and sitting in small numbers in their families gardens. If that was allowed, they would push it further and throw a party!

Lindy2 · 16/05/2020 08:26

I'm going to see my mum today.

I will drive for just under an hour and we will sit in her large garden and be much more than 2m apart.

I am using my common sense. I feel I am acting safely and I have absolutely no wish to put my mum or myself at any risk. I will even take my own deck chair and flask of tea. I won't be taking the relaxing of rules as an excuse to meet lots of people, go inside the house etc but I will be seeing my mum and I am so desperately looking forward to it.

quietheart · 16/05/2020 09:01

On the way to work yesterday my DH saw 4 car crashes in the space of 2 miles. There is so much more traffic on the road and the risk puts extra strain on our emergency services and NHS.

repetiti · 16/05/2020 09:03

@Iamnotusuallyconfused you're expected to use common sense. If you feel you can meet someone in your garden safely, then do it. I've seen plenty of people having garden visitors, so you won't be the only one. If the poluce were to see you they might remind you of the rules and suggest you end the visit, but they would only fine you if you then ignored them and carried on.

TheSmallAssassin · 16/05/2020 10:38

For the second time, "the rules" only state that you can meet one person outdoors, it doesn't matter if that's your garden or a park or the pavement. Honestly, it isn't confusing if you actually read the guidance!

PrayingandHoping · 16/05/2020 13:40

It's under the heading public spaces and it has been gone into in detail throughout the week by politicians and the medical experts. It's public spaces, not back gardens

To wonder why my garden is more risky than a park bench?
Oblomov20 · 16/05/2020 13:43

Such rules don't really work, do they?

GlummyMcGlummerson · 16/05/2020 13:47

Quite simply it sets a precedent that the assumption is "it's ok to have parents over". Look at the last few weeks - an alarming number of people incorrectly peddled the myth that people in England could only be outdoors for an hour a day. This was based off one comment Michael Gove made in an interview about how long he thought most people would be happy with being outdoors for. It was never a rule - but people ran away with it without fact checking. The general public can't seem to interpret rules very well so it's important at no point they explicitly say people in your house is allowed.

TheSmallAssassin · 17/05/2020 09:37

@PrayingandHoping The heading is actually "Public spaces / outdoor activities / exercise". It doesn't say you can only meet others in a public space, only that it must be outdoors and not in your home.

Given that politicians seem to make things up on the spot when they're asked, I'd go with what is written down. There is no more risk meeting someone in your garden than in a park. Yes, they shouldn't go into your house to use your loo and you shouldn't share food or drink, etc but that's exactly the same as meeting in public. Your garden is outdoors!

PrayingandHoping · 17/05/2020 09:44

Seeing as socialising is neither an outdoor activity nor exercise it certainly means public places

Again. This has been asked over and over to politicians all week long. It has clearly been said that socialising is only to be in public places, not in homes or gardens. They haven't contradicted themselves once about this directive

People really need to stop twisting meanings to make it convenient to them. By doing this means we will all be in this situation for longer. I am desperate to see my family as the next person, but won't break the rules.

PrayingandHoping · 17/05/2020 09:52

And actually that was just the abbreviated document you referred to

This is the full version.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/our-plan-to-rebuild-the-uk-governments-covid-19-recovery-strategy/our-plan-to-rebuild-the-uk-governments-covid-19-recovery-strategy

The heading is only pubic spaces

To wonder why my garden is more risky than a park bench?
nicky7654 · 17/05/2020 09:58

I visit my mum weekly as do her shopping. I also chat to her in the garden and drink tea. I'm sure some anal people will become aggressive over my statement and call me a virus spreading murderer lol But your right a hundred people could sit on a park bench in one day whereas my mum's bench has just me and her.

MrsFezziwig · 17/05/2020 10:27

@Firecarrier
Please don't make a grand gesture of standing to the side for me on the pavement though it makes you look like a passive aggressive tit.

When people stand aside for me on a path I always thank them and smile. Obviously now you’ve informed me that they’re actually just being “passive aggressive tits” I’ll stop doing that.

MrsFezziwig · 17/05/2020 10:42

@Comefromaway
It’s madness.
I can see my parents as often as I like.
Because I happen to work for their company. Also their company is project managing my garage conversion and my dad is site supervisor. So he can visit my garage. And i can go to their home office.

So because of your particular and very unusual circumstances, everyone in England should be able to go freely between their relatives’ homes?

I always thought that that the Mumsnet forum was in general of above average intelligence. I’m not seeing much evidence of that at the moment.

HugeAckmansWife · 17/05/2020 11:29

If people really are so thick that they can't understand the difference between a SD chat with your parents or sibling in a garden where you don't ask to use the loo and take your own drink and a free for all with lots of people then no rule, no matter how simple is going to be followed. For the love of God, it has been made abundantly clear how to manage risk and if they want to keep a reasonable compliance with restrictions on large gatherings then it's sensible to allow much smaller ones. Adults, ffs, ought to be able to remember to SD and take care. I have been and will continue to see my parents in the careful way a pp described above. No its not 'fair' on those with no Gardens but that's how life is. Nothing is ever 'equal' and going to the lowest common denominator is not the answer. Maximum lockdown on 'shielding' principles would be more fair than some people being allowed out more but its impractical and wouldn't be countenanced. Same is true of gardens. If you have one, use it and leave the public spaces freer for those who don't.

itsgettingweird · 17/05/2020 15:33

Half this stupidity of employing parents as nannies or children as cleaners come from irresponsible journalists suggesting they'll do it because they didn't make the rules themselves because they aren't as important as they like to think don't like the rules.

The problem with media searching for finding loopholes and angrily harping no about exploiting them means some of the general public will thinks it's ok.
But anyone with half a brain cell knows the number of cleaners, nannies and EA going into house is well below the numbers of families mixed households.

The government know some people will break the rules. Up to maybe 15/20%. But they rely on the general population to adhere to them to keep the R low.

As I always tell my teen Ds. Forget anyone else's behaviour as you can't control it. What you can control is your own and make sure you are doing the right thing.