I am disgusting!

[IAmLarge]

This isn't an AIBU but people seem to get more responses here!

I am extreamly obese. I'm 5 ft2 and weigh nearly 14 stone. I'm so upset every time I look at myself and absolutely hate myself. My body is covered in stretch marks from having a baby nearly 3 years ago and I know that these are here to stay. It's not as though I'm fat because I've been pregnant...It's because I'm greedy, lazy and have no motivation or will power what so ever!

Please can someone give me a bloody good talking to before I ruin my body and my health forever. My OH isnt that supportive of me loosing weight (not in a horrible way but I think he has heard it all before and knows I'll give up, plus he doesn't mind what size I am so even if I lost loads of weight or stayed the same it wouldn't bother him)

I just need a bloody good kick up the arse! Anyone willing to do that for me 🤔

Thanks!

First thing download my fitness pal and track what you eat, so this for a week, carry on as normal.

Then start cutting back tiny things. So take out sugar in coffee, then reduce to 2-3 coffees, then drink with out milk etc, just gradually.

You'll gradually get use to that.

Then start each meal with a protein source, and build around that, use food you actually like, no pint eating kale if you hate it!

Then start to reduce portion sizes, week by week so you gradually get use to it, keep eating your normal food, to gradually ease into reducing the amounts.

Then exercise, a walk, some yoga anything at all is better than nothing, again no need to start some massive over the top fitness plan, same as food try a few things, you may like weights and resistance training, find a good PT at your height the chances are you'll be great at that as you have small levers, and have a big advantage doing lifting but try lots of things and see what you enjoy then you'll have more chance of sticking with it, make sure you can make it work for you.

The mistake people make is drastically changing everything your poor body is shocked, you get hungry and start a cycle of stuffing and feeling guilty.

Try to start walking as much as you can.
Accept that feeling hungry will happen and that it’s okay to feel hungry if your body has had sufficient nutrients ie, feeling hungry isn’t something to be scared of.
By reducing your portion sizes your stomach will eventually shrink accordingly and the hunger will lessen.
I think the first week or so will be hard but apparently it takes 3 weeks to establish new habits, so if you can break through that threshold, you’ll have more chance of sticking with the healthy eating plan.
3 weeks is not that long compared with the rest of your life.
Very best of luck to you OP

Agree strongly with small steps - they will add up to make a difference but you won't feel deprived.

Why not try 16:8, there is another thread about it. I lost around 6lb the first week eating between 1pm-9pm
After the first week i did need to start behaving and not eat as much crap.
Also, Joe Wicks videos are great, can take at your own pace

@IAmLarge I agree with pp, you have to do this for you and no-one else. Your body IS amazing, and it will help you to do what ever you want to do next.

It's horrible that your family haven't been supportive in the past, and I know what it feels like when others project their own fears and prejudices onto you.

It's great that you already know what your weaknesses is - chocolate and carbs. It gives you somewhere to start when you are ready. There will be lots of support here, and on the diet threads (fan of Fast 800 myself ), if you want to make some changes.

Firstly, you need to NOT have a chocolate at home. At all. If you can't stop yourself from eating something, don't have it in your reach. It's even easier now people just don't want to pop into the cornershop.

I too sinned on pasta! Ridiculously sinned on pasta. I now have half a portion of spaghetti with courgette (spiralised and wouldn't eat it like that by itself tbh) to top it up.

You need to read back what you are saying and you need to read it out loud.

You are not disgusting. You probably have a food addiction. There are groups and support for this much the same as Alcoholics Anonymous etc and it is possible to get well! I would recommend the Bright Lines diet - written by an American academic but really fascinating and relevant to anyone with weight issue.

Sorry - meant to add that the bottom line is that it’s not your fault and not possible to overcome with willpower alone!

Also if you’re 14 stone and 5 foot two then does that mean you’re about a size 16? That isn’t extremely obese is it? I thought that was average for a U.K. woman?

Stuff the stupid money making slimming clubs, if they worked every body would be slim.

Do you enjoy starvation? Do you enjoy sitting on a bike that isn't going anywhere?

Do not waste your time, your intellect, your life on this shit. You are not disgusting.

All good diet advice here. There are a million ways to do it and you have to find wha works. Some find it easier to do the short sharp shock, others slow and gradual. What I came in to say though, was that I am 5.1 and have crept into 13st over lockdown. I am obese according to BMI and also pre diabetic. Size 14/16. But I don't think I'm disgusting. Unhealthy yes, though for me it's wine and cheese rather than sweet stuff. I do park run and used to be really really fit so I just trying to focus on addressing the late night, Kids in bed 'relief' snacking and drinking. I dress well, minimal make up and grooming (have never touched my eyebrows or fake tanned), and smile a lot. Obese doesn't = disgusting and self hatred is not a good place to start from. I'm using the health angle as my motivation rather than the dress size. Good luck.

You're not disgusting. I was expecting a much larger number for the weight.

I was only a little less than you so not just saying this. It's fine. Just start taking care of yourself as you are today. The rest will follow.

Make your diet healthy - fruits , vegetables as much as possible.
Any apple that you eat is better than one that you didn't eat - regardless of whether it's sandwiched in cake or not.

Exercise - walk as much as possible and anything else you can do.
All because it is healthy for you right now. Any exercise is better than no exercise regardless of everything else.

Get good habits and the rest will follow. You could do the 5:2 or the 16:8 or anything else... but start with good habits that you want to keep for life.

For example - I start all my meals with vegetables (frozen ones nuked in the microwave with a little pepper and lime juice). It fills me up so even if I'm eating crap for the rest of my meal - I eat less of it.

Good luck

Also pasta is not sinnful FFS

Once you get to your situation you are best off joining a weekly slimming group. I tried for 2 years by myself to lose weight after having my kids but none of the usual stuff worked. I joined slimming world and lost 3 stone in 5 months! You get fab support there and it feels different on a proper programme.

Also if you’re 14 stone and 5 foot two then does that mean you’re about a size 16

I wouldn't have said so. At my heaviest I was 13 stone and 5ft 6 and I was a 14/16

Stuff the stupid money making slimming clubs, if they worked every body would be slim.

They do work.

Can I just make a comment about the stretch marks. I used to do a hobby with a lovely lady and this hobby involved getting changed in front of each other and one day I caught sight of her stretch marks, they were very extreme, all over her torso and thighs. She didn't give a shit. After I saw them for the first time I barely noticed them, and they were just a part of who she was, and not unattractive in the slightest. Her husband BTW is hot as f**k and they are incredibly happy. Don't let something like stretch marks hold you back.

@randomer it's not the pasta what's sin. It's the amount. I know exactly what OP is saying.

Amen to the slimming club scam

Also if you’re 14 stone and 5 foot two then does that mean you’re about a size 16? That isn’t extremely obese is it? I thought that was average for a U.K. woman?

I'm pretty sure (as much as you mean well) that sort of typical Mumsnet response is not going to kick the OP up the arse.

It doesn't matter what dress size the average UK woman wears because

1.) Over 60% of UK women are overweight or obese.

2.) Dress sizes mean very little nowadays anyway as they differ from shop to shop.

You need to eat less.
Do not buy the chocolate, biscuits, crisps to have in the house in the first place. If it's not there you cannot eat it. Do not come up with the excuse you need to buy it for your partner, he can buy his own if he needs it.
Same for any children, do not keep unhealthy snacks in, they should be treats only.
You really need to cut down your portion sizes and eat off a smaller plate. When eating with a partner it is all too easy to match their portion sizes and you will quickly see the weight go on.
Do not eat until you are full, get used to stopping when you have had enough, your stomach will adjust to this.
This works for me, I now could not face a huge plateful of food.

@Windyatthebeach is what I started doing - small steps but consistent. No-one else needs to know. Felt we were both putting on weight. DP carries it well and I hide it well but aware it was affecting me physically. Started adding beans / lentils to everything so we felt fuller. I keep lentils blitzed and use for thickening stews / mince etc. Started off adding a couple of tablespoons in the beginning. Add beans to anything I can. This was all done under the guise of we need to healthier.

You are not disgusting at all.You will simply have to get into a brand new mindset about food. You already know that you are having too much of all the wrong things to eat, and how it makes you feel afterwards. The main thing about losing some weight, is that you will be healthier,and feel much better..

I am not sure if you have the willpower to go forth with a new eating plan on your own, or if you wish to join one of these slimming world things. It won't be easy, things don't happen overnight, but good luck whatever you choose.

You're not disgusting. I was expecting a much larger number for the weight

I’m a much larger number and the same height as OP. I’m still not disgusting.

OP I know you’re down on yourself but thats a pretty offensive way to talk about being fat, even if it is yourself you’re talking about.

I weighed myself this morning and was already feeling pretty down - reading your description of yourself as disgusting at 2 stone less than me is shit, so thanks for that.

We all know HOW to lose weight, eat less (shit) and move more. Nobody is fat because they don’t know this. People are quite well aware of the whole calories in/calories out business. There are emotional and circumstantial aspects to health and fitness, as well as the practical ones. It was really just about educating people that exercise = good, donuts = bad, there would be no obesity. Fat people aren’t stupid!

I weighed myself this morning and was already feeling pretty down - reading your description of yourself as disgusting at 2 stone less than me is shit, so thanks for that.

That's such and emotionally manipulative thing to say to the OP.

She feels how she feels about herself and that's nothing to do with you.

Your weight is your own responsibility. No point in trying to make it the OP's problem.