I am disgusting!

[IAmLarge]

This isn't an AIBU but people seem to get more responses here!

I am extreamly obese. I'm 5 ft2 and weigh nearly 14 stone. I'm so upset every time I look at myself and absolutely hate myself. My body is covered in stretch marks from having a baby nearly 3 years ago and I know that these are here to stay. It's not as though I'm fat because I've been pregnant...It's because I'm greedy, lazy and have no motivation or will power what so ever!

Please can someone give me a bloody good talking to before I ruin my body and my health forever. My OH isnt that supportive of me loosing weight (not in a horrible way but I think he has heard it all before and knows I'll give up, plus he doesn't mind what size I am so even if I lost loads of weight or stayed the same it wouldn't bother him)

I just need a bloody good kick up the arse! Anyone willing to do that for me 🤔

Thanks!

[Serin]

In the nicest possible way OP, you need a kick up the bum like the one I have just had. (Heart scare)
High BP and High cholesterol.
Luckily I have a very frank GP who has told me that unless I loose 3 stone and get fitter I am putting myself at further risk of heart attacks and stroke.
I know all this, I'm a HCP, but I kidded myself that because I was size 8 for most of my life, I would easily get back there.
Well the last of my babies is an adult now and the weight is still there, I'm doing something about it but wish I had done this a decade ago, when I was where you are now.
I have an exercise bike and am walking 4 miles a day.
Im eating much healthier and im making progress.
My lifestyle nurse told me not to focus on the weight loss so much but to carefully monitor my BP every day and the times it takes me to complete the bike rides and the same walking routes, so its all about fitness really, the weight is following.
Good luck.
You are not disgusting, but you are putting your health at risk.

[redastherose]

Dieting as such doesn't really work because you end up craving what you're not allowed. However, taking the time to work out some healthy balanced meals that you really enjoy is well worth the effort. Also, whilst exercise can help you tone up weight loss really does come down to cutting down on the volume of food being consumed. It is actually worth knowing that when you decide to start cutting back that you will feel hungry and have that empty feeling, however, this only lasts 2 weeks before your stomach seems to adjust and you will feel fuller on the smaller portions. Choose a sensible low glycemic value breakfast (I always go for All Bran with warm skimmed milk) which will keep you from feeling hungry until lunch time. Then planning is really everything. Know what you are going to have for breakfast lunch and dinner each day, it takes the impulse to just grab a pizza or a takeaway out of the equation. Knowing that it will only be for two weeks that you will feel like that is really empowering as you won't be imagining that you will feel hungry for ever more. The best thing to do is to cut back in stages, so reduce your current portion by 1/4 (if your portions are huge) and keep with that reduction for 1 month by which time you will be able to do a further reduction in portion size. You should start losing weight without feeling too deprived. Also remember that every day is a new day. One day where you don't follow your plan doesn't ruin it all or mean that you should give up, just continue the following day. My final top tip is to use a tape measure and measure your body - bust, under bust, waist, top hips (where hip bones are) round the widest part of your bottom, each thigh and upper arms. Make a note of the measurements then measure again each week to see what difference there is, it really helps if you can see the measurements reducing even if the scales don't always show a great difference. Once you start losing weight you will probably find you go have a bit more energy to do things such as increased exercise which will all help tone up.

[NotExactlyHappyToHelp]

Oh OP I don’t think anyone piling on to tell you off is going to help you. Instead I’ll tell you about me.

I’m the same height and was almost exactly the same weight as you 6 years ago. I’m now 8st2lbs at the moment (I vary between 7st10lbs and 8st5lbs depending on holidays, season etc etc) . It took me nearly 3 years to get all the weight off but it was so bloody worth it.

I’m a million times happier, more confident and healthier than ever before. I go jump about at the park with DS and my niece/nephew. I buy clothes from wherever I like and usually not have to worry about them fitting me right. I have my picture taken happily.

Like you i had a baby and the weight just piled on. I started off on slimming world just to give me motivation but it’s not for everyone. I did group for 6 months then followed a loose interpretation of it on my own for longer.

I hope you find something that suits you and start to feel happier about yourself .

[ChaToilLeam]

You’re not disgusting. You just need to a bit of support. Try Rebelfit, it helped me a lot, I’m shorter than you and was a stone heavier but am doing pretty well now.

[TheLakelandCatalogueIsMyPorn]

Hello Large

I am also large. Fortunately I had my wake up just before lockdown and have since lost 1.5 stone through drinking green tea all morning, a 'light lunch' (salad, beans on toast etc) and then eating and drinking what I want in the evening. BUT I walk at least 7000 steps a day and this seems to have worked. We're all different. But that's what works for me. Good luck, it's tough x

[Samtsirch]

@Vodkacranberryplease
What you are describing sounds borderline eating disorder and certainly not sustainable, I wonder if there are some underlying issues?

[wetwiped]

I lost a fair amount of weight last year. I felt similar to you and would've used the same words to describe myself. You CAN break this cycle.
I Tried for years and years to get my head sorted, even a couple of serious health scares couldn't make me shift it. Looking back I was not sleeping well due to a health condition my daughter has, really broken nights sleep. This got slightly better and I think was a starting point for me. Sleeping better and not being so knackered, I stopped wanting to over feed as much on sugary stuff.
I also started getting a supermarket food delivery once a week and meal planning. No other trips to the shop. On the odd occasion we ran out of something, DH went. I knew if I was faced with sweet stuff in a shop I'd cave . Shopping this way meant zero shit food purchased so no chocolate/cake/crisps in the cupboards apart from low fat hot chocolate and squirty cream if I needed a sugar rush.
I tried to make meals less about the pasta or rice and more about the meat/salad/veg with a small portion of carb.
I also started couch to 5k. It was very hard at the beginning but so worth the perseverance - I run a couple of times a week now. It got me out and moving. I go later on an evening, it's quiet, I didn't feel as self conscious which helped at first.
Finally, MyFitnessPal and calorie tracking along with a Fitbit helping me keep an eye on what I was eating and how many calories I was burning. I liked seeing the numbers and how much of a deficit I had each day.
Accept it's a slow journey - but start now. You will soon start to feel better. Its a good feeling being more in control.
.

[FlamedToACrisp]

Sorry, OP, but until you start to take responsibility for your own actions, being nagged won't help you.

Your husband isn't supportive... your sister embarrassed you... your boyfriend made you gain half a stone... and now you want Mumsnet to make you lose weight.

Not gonna happen, is it? YOU put the food in your mouth, not other people. YOU have to make the right choices for yourself.

HEART ATTACK
STROKE
LIFESTYLE CHANGE

Pick one.

Now, read the post from @Serin again.

[WhatwouldLangdo]

I am honestly shocked at how people can convince themselves that obesity is ok. It's one of the most harmful things we can do to ourselves.

I'm 5ft 2 and was 15st 3 at my heaviest and I was not only disgusting but extremely unhealthy. Not offended in the slightest by OPs post. Very emotionally manipulative to say you are

I am physically disabled so can't do much exercise. I cut my calories slightly in the beginning then done a month at 650 cals a day. Now on 1000 cals a day as well as intermittent fasting (20:4). Yes it's drastic but needs must since I can't offset higher cals with exercise. At no point have I felt like I was starving How pompous when there are people actually starving in the world or going very hungry much closer to home..

I've lost almost 3 stone and will continue till I'm at the bottom of my heart weight range to compensate for the inevitable weight gain once I start to eat a bit more. I just had to get less greedy and have gone from there.

[YinMnBlue]

OP, you are not disgusting (and neither is anyone else on this thread).

I am like you with ice cream.

So...as from this week I simply do not buy it.

The kids will have to do without too...but they will survive and it doesn't do them any good anyway. It isn't necessary to keep in the house, it is a treat.

[randomer]

What a load of old tosh. You do know slim people can be ill on the inside too?

[IAmLarge]

Thanks everyone for your replys!

Just to clarify I do not blame anyone for my weight gain. I was trying to explain that these issues have been going all my life but now seem to be out of control.

Sorry if my description of myself made anyone feel bad about themselves. This is just how I feel, I'm flabby, my belly overhangs, my face looks like a big round football and I just feel awful both mentally and physically. This thread wasn't meant to be a dig at anyone else.

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I've been food shopping and steered clear of the junk. Bought lots of veg, chicken and no pasta in sight!

I really appreciate all your posts!

[EmeraldShamrock]

What a load of old tosh. You do know slim people can be ill on the inside too?
Of course they can, though the risks for obese people are much higher, even as far as recovery for a standard operation.

[tolerable]

my favourite mantra just now is...one aa adopted actually..."accept what you cant change,change whatchu can-know the difference"
the only ""disgusting"thing youve mentioned..is the way youre treating/talking about yourself.
i had eating disorder for...years,and the worst offender range of poor coping skills to cripple me further.
calm down with the self abuse(you said your fella sees beyond that\loves you whatever).try that. Accept EVERYTHING about yourself. Then love who you are enough to respect yourself and if there are bits your not happy with change them.sounds a bit wakky but ...try you tube hypnosis,or guided meditation for self love.(i figured if i was lie down go sleep anyway its worth a shot)
the crappy bit is..you dont get a quick fix solution. so...have a word with yourself about your expectations.you are worth the effort...changes to diet,excercise routine,attitude bout the girl in the mirror,positivity/can pay off. My ma was one for saying "you've made your bed,lie in it"....i 'd rather.fall out it,change the duvet cover,set the damn bed on fire than give up.thats a shit attitude.small realisstic goals =faster rewards,boosts your incentive to aim next step up,be who you wanna.

[Wishihadanalgorithm]

OP, I suggest you start with what is going on inside your mind before even thinking about the scales.

Of course there are health risks from being overweight but you know that and it hasn’t stopped you eating the chocolate has it?

You need to focus on why you’re over eating. Counselling, hypno-therapy, CBT etc. might work for you.

[countrylanes]

I don't seem to get to that point where I feel sick with chocolate, I can just keep going and going. I just hate the feeling of being hungry. Other than the chocolate (if its in the house) i dont really snack but thats because of my giant portion sizes at each meal. Last night I ate a portion of pasta big enough to feed 3 people and didn't even realise I was full until I stood up and could barley stand up straight

This was me once. I was never hungry because I always ate so much, I would eat and eat and then stand up and realise I was in pain. I thought that was normal - to eat till you were distended and in pain. Sometimes I ate cake, chocollate and ice-cream for dinner. I binge ate too - whole packets of cakes in one sitting.

It took me a looong time to realise I had a problem and longer still to realise if I didn't sort it out I would always be like that.

this is what I did. I DID not approach it as losing weight, but reprogramming myself to ear normally, so that I could get to the stage of eating when I was hungry and stopping when I was sated. I decided the only way to do that was to start to eat normally. So I got myself a side plate and used that for my meals. that way, the plate looks full but you are still eating a reasonable sized portion. I realised this was a long haul - it took a year for my body to get back in tune with itself and I could just eat when I was hungry and stop when I was sated. I knew I would backslide, and in that year I did, and that was part of the process, I wasn't to see if as a failure, just keep going. I kept eating at mealtimes. I f I was genuinely hungry, I could have snacks like banana or nuts. NO food was off limits though. I could have a pudding, if I kept to normal small puddings. I did not keep chocolate or treast in teh house though, as I knew I would binge eat.

You can reprogramme yourself. I don't eat like I used to anymore - the though of it makes me sick. I still like sweet foods, but can't eat the overly sweet things I used to - I think they are gross. I know when I am hungry. I stop when I am sated. I love it. Food is no longer a source of stress. Been like this almost 20 years now! Never looked back!ngddU stiywo

hist the watt if p

[countrylanes]

Sorry about typos at end.

[countrylanes]

And that should have said 'I keep eating TO mealtimes.'

[Healthyandhappy]

They the mushy pea curry it's amazing. Mushy peas x2 onion tomatoes beans and whatever else chicken stock and curry powder blend it obvs til smooth stick in slow cooker with chicken amazing. Also pasta is fine as said go to slimming world

[mellicauli]

I can recommend the second nature app. The recipes are nice and it is motivating to be put in a group with people going through the same. There’s a lot of psychological stuff there too (mindfulness , positivity) which are very good too

[ManCubsMama]

Intermittent fasting, so quick and effective

[DamnYankee]

So you are just under 200 lbs.? I don't think you are disgusting, but you've got to be very uncomfortable. I'm 5'2" as well.

Don't buy the junk. Clearly too much temptation.

Here's some other hings that jumped out at me:
I just hate the feeling of being hungry
But you also don't recognize when you feel full...

That's interesting. So you remember how it feels to be hungry, so you keep eating it to stave off the feeling that may not come until many hours later...?

You need internet strangers to flagellate you into weight loss by calling you names, encouraging you to hate yourself. etc....?

Could you unpack that - plus all the family stuff - with a professional?

[TheGinGenie]

Absolutely agree with everything @RUSU92 said

[PenisBeakerDipper]

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. I’m slim and we are currently eating crisps in front of a movie after veggie burgers and chips for supper. I think if you try to stick to veg and fruit and no pasta it won’t last long. Why not choose one new habit to try and embed every 2-3 weeks? Like start a 30 min walk a day, start drinking 2l water (will fill you up a bit and leave less room for anything sugary), replace a few items. Even losing a pound a month is going in the right direction.

You’re not disgusting - you’re a mother and a partner and a friend and much more than a number on a scale.

[PenisBeakerDipper]

Meant to say eating crap tonight but we try and eat well and not drink in the week and I walk 2 hours a day (on Mat leave) - all about balance. You can do it!