I'm trying myself in knots over something and need mumsnet to tell me to get over myself or wake up to the red flag.
Background, boyfriend of 3 years, aweome guy, will do anything for anyone, devoted to his family, funny, chilled, romantic and I know adores me, we don't live together, I have tweens from previous. Eight months ago big breech of trust. After feeling fed up with how paranoid I was feeling by the way he was suspicious in his use of phone. I checked it (I know) and found flirty messages throughout our relationship (about 8-10 in total so not too often but still) fishing for innapropriate banter with an ex, we almost split up over it. I've never really managed to move on and am still suspicious. He's more extroverted and gregarious than me with a wide network of friends, male and female, calls half a dozen different people a day for chats (he's on the road a lot) and has a stack of what's app groups. A few months ago a new girl became part of one of his friendship groups and has gradually become a closer friend. My psychometer has been gradually ramping up. When we were on the sofa together he was in a chat I saw a message between them where she was 'hi handsome' and he replied ' hi beautiful' and I combusted. He says it's just banter. I feel it's humiliating and demeans our relationship. Have I been living in a bubble and these terms or endearment can be platonic and innocent? or am I right to feel like I'm being played for a fool? They must have developed a flirtatious relationship which I'm struggling to see as anything but disloyal. I've never previously had issues with jealousy but I've never been with someone as gregarious before so it's not really been an issue. Am I being a numpty and need to get over myself or is he taking the Mick? Help!