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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who should get our house?

85 replies

Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 09:47

Hello, I posted on here yesterday asking for some relationship advice. I'm now looking for advice about what happens with our house. My partner has cheated on me several times over our seven year relationship. He has messaged other girls, and been on swingers websites and sent indecent images of himself to my sister and other people. I dont trust him anymore and I'm trying to figure out if I can afford to run this house on my own. I put down a £16,000 deposit on a house of £160,000. We are tenants in common with 50 50 share even though he put nothing. He does pay a lot more monthly repayments though. I still have the receipt of the deposit coming out of my account as evidence if that helps. I'm a supply teacher and only earn about £1000 a year as I do all the child care I then get topped up with a bit of tax credits and I also have the child benefit to. I have worked out if I get a 16 hour week job I would be able to be there for my children, receive a bit more working and child tax credit, child benefit and £400 a month child maintenance for our 2 children. About £1,500 a month to get by. My question is will the bank accept all of these incomes and how likely is it the bank will accept me? After all the stress he has put me though and no contribution to the deposit I would like to be the one to stay in the house. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 14/05/2020 09:49

It is the mortgage co not the bank. You b=need to take advice from an independant morgage broker

SeriouslyRetro · 14/05/2020 09:51

How much capital have you paid off?

You say partners, are you married?
Unless you are married, then the tenants in common 50/50 is what counts.

Kezmum14 · 14/05/2020 09:52

I’m not sure about taking in the house but a single friend of mine has just got a mortgage - she earns around £9000 that’s topped up with tax credits, child benefit and maintenance.
I split with my husband years ago now and he took me to court to sell the house. I won and we have a court order to say the house will be out in my name as and when I can afford it. I live here with the children and pay the mortgage. He paid a deposit of £25000 and I paid £15000 yet I don’t have to give him anything. (He didn’t turn up to court though so that probably went in my favour). He can make me sell the house when the youngest turns 18 but won’t get any money from the sale.
Not sure how things work now as this was 7 years ago.

ConstantlySeekingHappiness · 14/05/2020 09:52

and £400 a month child maintenance for our 2 children

Could you afford to live there without this money? Should he refuse to pay or withhold.

Not saying he will, just something to consider in the round. I always read of women being advised never to rely on child maintenance if they can.

Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 09:54

I havnt had our house valued since we moved in so I dont know. We are partners not married. I dont know what the first step is to sort this out. Our mortgage is with Halifax. We have £138,000 left to pay off

OP posts:
suggestionsplease1 · 14/05/2020 09:55

I think you will need to plug the numbers into a mortgage calculator remembering to factor in the existing equity and see what comes back, but you will probably need a history of stable income for the mortgage provider to go on rather than speculative figures, and they are unlikely to remove your partner's name until they are confident you meet their affordability criteria alone.

It's tricky right now as mortgage providers will probably be asking for fresh valuations and that will change the loan to value ratio.

Good luck going forward.

suggestionsplease1 · 14/05/2020 09:58

Your outstanding mortgage is almost exactly the same as mine was when I split from my partner last year...my mortgage provider needed to see an income of about £33,000 for me.

Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 10:08

I dont warn that much. I dont know what to do. Looks like staying in a relationship I'm not happy with

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 10:15

I'm at an absolute stand still. I dont think the bank will let me take things on on my own. I'm so upset and dont want to pay a shit load of money to ask for advice from a family solicitor

OP posts:
Soontobe60 · 14/05/2020 10:20

Because you’re tenants in common he’s likely to get half the equity in the house, unless he agreed to a smaller amount. He’s also entitled to 50/50 custody, and if he gets that you won’t get any child maintenance off him.
You’re most likely going to need a full time job to be able to afford to stay in the house.

Megatron · 14/05/2020 10:25

OP your best way out of this is to get a full time job. How old are your DCs? Old enough for nursery yet? You can't stay with someone who treats you like shit, you deserve so much more than that.

Astrabees · 14/05/2020 10:25

How old are the children? I think you will need to work full time, at least you are a teacher which I presume will mean no child care expenses if they are school age.

Greengrassgravy · 14/05/2020 10:29

Did you have an agreement about how the deposit was to be treated in the event of a sale? I think it will be split 50:50 too - but curious what other people think as I know someone else in a similar situation.

OscarWildesCat · 14/05/2020 10:30

See a mortgage broker for advice, my sister was in a similar position and got to keep the house in her name despite her ex threatening all sorts, your ex has an obligation to keep a roof over his childrens heads. See if you can get some free advice from maybe CAB or somewhere. Good luck.

Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 10:30

One starts morning nursery in september and the other will start year 1 in september. I dont have any help with child care. I am the one who looks after them and picks them up and drops them off 3 times a day. My family dont live local so I dont have help. I cant work full time to hence why I do day to day supply. I feel like there is no way out now. I'm stuck here.

OP posts:
Singinginshower · 14/05/2020 10:31

Could you get a maternity cover teaching post? Would provide evidence of income needed for you to get your mortgage.

viewfromthecouch · 14/05/2020 10:34

Can your family help with childcare if you move closer to them and find a teaching job there? Might be an option?

Cinderella66 · 14/05/2020 10:37

Did you not have a deed of trust when you bought the house ringfencing the deposit? What was agreed verbally at the time of purchase?

suggestionsplease1 · 14/05/2020 10:38

The thing is, with your plans and fairly frugal living you probably could make the mortgage repayments and your other bills on your own - it's just the mortgage company won't see it like that, so it's tricky. You could possibly get a guarantor if anyone in your family would be prepared to do that, but this is a huge ask and can mean they are putting their house on the line.

If your partner was happy to move out and didn't request his name to be removed from the mortgage that is another option, but I imagine he would be unlikely to do that as it would probably prevent him getting another mortgage elsewhere. It would also mean you can't really tie things up neatly.

saleorbouy · 14/05/2020 10:40

I'm not sure how it works for mortgage calculators if you are including tax credits etc in your calculations. These are technically not income but government benefits which could and are likely to change with successive governments, and throughout your employment if you rise above the threshold, in which case you will also be paying tax or more tax.
In my opinion and in fairness you own legally own 50% of the house as tenants in common and the additional cash sum you put in as a deposit as you have the evidence. As tenants in common he is also entitled to leave his share to whomever he wishes on death. This would not be possible if you were married.
Sell the house and move on without having your financial affairs entangled until your children become non-dependant.

Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 10:41

It's the hours with teaching. When I was teaching before I was at the school starting 7:30am till 6 easy. I cant do that 5 days a week. I wont get that much help with the children. I feel a teaching assistant job could be better 8am till 4pm would be another option but then again I still need help with childcare. No one was willing to help me at all to look after my kids, I've done it all myself and work around it when I could. What would happen if we just sold the house? Because we are 50 50 would I get half my deposit back plus equity?

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 14/05/2020 10:43

Its not a new mortgage application though. Its simply taking his nane off. So there arent the same hurdles.

Im just going through this at the moment. You still need to discuss affordability with them but its not starting from scratch. Youve already got the mortgage. Far easier to keep this one then apply for another.

SporadicNamechange · 14/05/2020 10:45

You’re not married, so you are only entitled to CM and what’s yours on paper. Unless he’s going to be more generous - but I wouldn’t bet on it.

He’s entitled to 50% of the equity in the house. You need to speak to a broker about remortgaging so you can buy him out. If that’s not possible, then you will need to have him buy you out or sell and split the proceeds.

Be aware that many companies will not accept child maintenance (without a court order) as income. So it may be about your earning power alone.

If you want to buy him out, then you are probably going to have to look at working more, and with fixed hours. You can get help with childcare bills to cover the additional nursery/wrap around care.

It is worth looking at returning to a FT teaching job at this point so that you are able to financially support yourself and the children. Lots of women do work FT with children and no family support. It’s not necessarily easy (and requires reliable childcare) but many, many single mothers do it.

It may not be what you planned re: childcare and career, but your circumstances have now changed. As others have said, NRP are not always very reliable with maintenance so it’s really important that you can rely on your own income as much as possible, especially if you want to keep your home.

SporadicNamechange · 14/05/2020 10:47

Because we are 50 50 would I get half my deposit back plus equity?

Not unless that’s how the tenants in common contract is written. You both own 50% of the house, so you’d just get the 50% equity. Unless your ex wanted to give you more than the contract says.

Justaboy · 14/05/2020 10:48

I think Tinkerbellanne that you would be well advised to consult a solicitor, some give almost free first hours, to get this lustfull catch of yours to cough for child support and maintenance, when he's not too busy that is!

You might be also well advised to see what a mortage broker might rustle up a good one will know the best single parent lenders!

And these days a online working from home job?, my ex has bene teaching on-line for two months or more as she is immuno comprmised and it'd be curtains if she caugt it, OTOH no children involved there! but it does work as no commuting or travel involved!

Best of luck anyway:)

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