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Original poster

Who should get our house?

85 replies

Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 09:47

Hello, I posted on here yesterday asking for some relationship advice. I'm now looking for advice about what happens with our house. My partner has cheated on me several times over our seven year relationship. He has messaged other girls, and been on swingers websites and sent indecent images of himself to my sister and other people. I dont trust him anymore and I'm trying to figure out if I can afford to run this house on my own. I put down a £16,000 deposit on a house of £160,000. We are tenants in common with 50 50 share even though he put nothing. He does pay a lot more monthly repayments though. I still have the receipt of the deposit coming out of my account as evidence if that helps. I'm a supply teacher and only earn about £1000 a year as I do all the child care I then get topped up with a bit of tax credits and I also have the child benefit to. I have worked out if I get a 16 hour week job I would be able to be there for my children, receive a bit more working and child tax credit, child benefit and £400 a month child maintenance for our 2 children. About £1,500 a month to get by. My question is will the bank accept all of these incomes and how likely is it the bank will accept me? After all the stress he has put me though and no contribution to the deposit I would like to be the one to stay in the house. Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 11:39

Bought the house for £158,000
Left to pay £138,000
Monthly mortgage payment £480
So even though I put £16,000 down if its 50 / 50 I'm looking at getting £10 grand back but theres all the fees to take off of that to I guess

OP posts:
needsahouseboy · 14/05/2020 11:39

I think you will struggle tbh especially as you are going to rely on benefits to boost your income.

I had a fairly high LTV rate when I needed to remortgage and the amount I tried to borrow was £149,000 and the house was worth about £300,000. My income was £34,000 plus £270 a month for one child. I struggled to get a mortgage and even the company I was mortgaged with would not let me take it on, on my own despite me having paid for it all by myself for the previous 12 months.

I had to get it down to £128,000 for them to give me a mortgage. You will find it harder as they will consider your outgoings to be more for 2 children.

Spillinteas · 14/05/2020 11:40

Seek advice of a solicitor first. They will point you in the right direction

averythinline · 14/05/2020 11:41

Why can't you work full time and use childcare for your dc like millions of people do?
Why hang onto the house sell it buy a flat... if cheaper , your dc could share a room as are young...

Move closer to a school/ accessible childcare .. many Childminder's pick up from school nurseries and maybe after school for your older dc as well ...

That way you will improve your pension/long term financial as well...

No house//division of cash is worth a life of misery... for you or your dc as it will affect them much more than living in a smaller house/flat

SavoyCabbage · 14/05/2020 11:43

Have you used Zoopla and right move to try and get an idea of what you might be able to get for your house? And what you might be able to buy too.

I’d consider moving closer to your family if you don’t live near them already. The support would be invaluable.

I do supply and there is plenty of work where I am, definitely enough to work every day if you want to. Obviously it could go one way or another after all of this so you might be better off looking for a ‘real’ job anyway.

SunflowerSeedsForever · 14/05/2020 11:45

So even though I put £16,000 down if its 50 / 50 I'm looking at getting £10 grand back but theres all the fees to take off of that to I guess

With Covid 19 you may find yourselves in negative equity, in which case the bank will usually let you stay and not force a sale if you continue to pay. That may give you some breathing space.

Sweettruelies · 14/05/2020 11:47

If he’s looking to cheat he’ll be out the door within a couple of years with an ow. If you stay now you need to get back into work with a reliable income so you are not dependent on him when the inevitable happens.

Sarahlou63 · 14/05/2020 12:06

Sell. In the long term you and your children's happiness and security are SO much more important that bricks and mortar. In the meantime (from your other thread) he's acting like a single man so get a lock on your bedroom door, chuck his stuff in the same room (or garage/shed) and stop doing his washing or cooking. You can't legally throw him out but you can remove all his home comforts. Hopefully he'll fuck off of his own account.

mrsBtheparker · 14/05/2020 12:06

If as you say he has paid more of the monthly expenses during your relationship then the £16K deposit may be set against that.

Sarahlou63 · 14/05/2020 12:07

same room = spare room

Cinderella66 · 14/05/2020 12:18

What was agreed at the time of purchase? Is there a deed of trust?

VimtoCordial · 14/05/2020 12:21

I'm just going to stay and try to make it work. I cant afford to do all this now. Hes won like normal. I dont stand a chance. Thanks for all the advice.

Why are you giving up before you've had any advice from a solicitor (find one with a free consultation) or speaking to your mortgage lender?

You don't know you can't afford it if you don't find out what the actual legal situation is.

Wynston · 14/05/2020 12:25

Just one option....if you're sister was in a position to go on the mortgage she could possibly do so under joint income sole proprietor-she would be added to the mortgage but not the deeds which minimises land tax charge. (Prehaps worth a google?)
I feel really sad for you. If it was me I would sell the house and cut all financial ties with him and look at going forward in a rented house where you may well get assistance.

Viviennemary · 14/05/2020 12:25

Is the £1000 a year a typing error? if you have proof you paid the deposit you could be entitled to some of that but it's probably doubtful unless you drew up an agreement at the time.

Blondie1980s · 14/05/2020 12:26

Im sorry to hear all this is going on I was in a similar position many moons ago.

  1. When you purchased the house you put in a large deposit.. Has the amount your partner paid in towards bills, equaled that amount?
  2. I was told that if its a partner break up then usually the one that has paid the most bills is entitled to more of the property (we didnt have children so i was stuck )
  3. Maybe he would be willing to buy you out of your share of the house? (i know thats a long shot but you never know )
  4. If anyone leaves it should really be him, no sort and no decent human being would want to see children out in the street with nowhere to go. (im not sure how involved in custody he would be wanting , weekends, week days etc ) If your being the main caregiver then he would still need to help towards maintenance.

I hope theres some options there. also if you cant afford a family solicitor, is there a citizens advice center near you ? They are able to give you some well rounded advice as they often have access to solicitors for people who cant afford the rates, it might be hard to get an appointment and you might even be able to do it online whilst your at home with the children.

dottiedodah · 14/05/2020 12:27

Many women stay in an unhappy marriage precisely because of worries about finances .However TinkerbelleAnne ,you are in a strong position as you are a qualified Teacher with family friendly hours, and School holidays as well! Imagine yourself 5 years on ,still unhappy and with 2 DC growing up with a cheat for a Father and an unhappy Mother .Or 5 years on new start .F/T Teacher maybe a new relationship ? or looking after girls and seeing friends on non access W/E ?happy and fulfilled and looking back at this time so glad you cut yourself free! No one who gets divorced has exactly the same lifestyle ,its not about that .You would be a SP who is independent and not relying on a cheating spouse .After Lockdown see if you can get an appointment with a Solicitor ,they will be able to advise you .Or CAB may have advice as well .Please dont stay just for a house ,its not worth it!

SqidgeBum · 14/05/2020 12:35

I am a teacher. I also have no help with childcare bar what I pay a nursery to do as I have no family support. DH works 12 hour shifts. He can never drop off or collect. I found a school, a basic comprehensive, that accepts that I have to leave at 3:15 to collect my kid. I drop her off at 7:30am on the dot and have til 4:30pm to collect her. I work in the evenings when she goes to bed if I need to. Also remember if he has time with the kids at the weekends you could do some work then too.

Schools dont always have to be a 6pm finish. You just have to be really ruthless and efficient with your planning and marking, and be blunt at your interview that this is the situation. So many mothers manage it without any family support. Dont get me wrong, its very difficult, but its doable.

Honeyroar · 14/05/2020 12:44

Put yourself in a position that you don’t have stay and let him win. Get yourself out working again and share childcare costs. Get proper advice. Make a plan. Don’t be so defeatist.

endofthelinefinally · 14/05/2020 12:55

You could sell and downsize, get a smaller/lower mortgage, then review in 5 years.
House prices are going to drop, yes, but lenders will be keen to lend to anyone in reasonably secure employment.
Renting isn't the end of the world either, as long as you get a good landlord. I know some are awful, but there are good ones too.

12stepCAKE · 14/05/2020 13:08

Does he know you want to split? If not I would hold out a bit longer and get a full time job that would allow you to take the mortgage over. It would be aged but worth it in the long run

wantmorenow · 14/05/2020 13:10

Please run your income and outgoings with your current lender before anything else. Then you will be in a position to discuss with solicitor and ex DP.

Anything else is speculative.

Original poster
Tinkerbellanne · 14/05/2020 14:34

Thanks everyone. I've got the ball rolling and spoken to citizens advice who have said me and my partner can make an appointment and draw up and agreement about the house and try mediation as well to sort things. I'll get onto the bank also to

OP posts:
Prettybubblesintheair · 14/05/2020 15:02

I’d sell up and split the money, rent somewhere as cheap as you can and save. This is no way to live Flowers

wantmorenow · 14/05/2020 15:10

Best of luck. well done on getting the ball rolling.

Selling, moving etc is likely to incur costs of up to £5k depending on fees and possible early redemption charges. Hopefully this might help swing him to walk away - there really doesn't seem to be any more equity in the house than what you have contributed.

Fingers crossed bank are flexible - I was lucky mine was with Monmouthshire. Initially they said no but relented when I presented a cash flow and my last 6 months statements showing I had been paying the mortgage all along with exH help at all.

Lazypuppy · 14/05/2020 15:16

Yep you should have protected your deposit with a deed of trust. its irrelevant now it would all be split 50/50 between you 2.

Bank should lend you 4.5 times your income so you'll need an income of around £30k.

If you are confident you can afford it all, the bank will watch you for 3 months to check your outgoings etc.

Or sell up and move somewhere cheaper that you can afford is probably other option