Who should get our house?

[Tinkerbellanne]

Hello, I posted on here yesterday asking for some relationship advice. I'm now looking for advice about what happens with our house. My partner has cheated on me several times over our seven year relationship. He has messaged other girls, and been on swingers websites and sent indecent images of himself to my sister and other people. I dont trust him anymore and I'm trying to figure out if I can afford to run this house on my own. I put down a £16,000 deposit on a house of £160,000. We are tenants in common with 50 50 share even though he put nothing. He does pay a lot more monthly repayments though. I still have the receipt of the deposit coming out of my account as evidence if that helps. I'm a supply teacher and only earn about £1000 a year as I do all the child care I then get topped up with a bit of tax credits and I also have the child benefit to. I have worked out if I get a 16 hour week job I would be able to be there for my children, receive a bit more working and child tax credit, child benefit and £400 a month child maintenance for our 2 children. About £1,500 a month to get by. My question is will the bank accept all of these incomes and how likely is it the bank will accept me? After all the stress he has put me though and no contribution to the deposit I would like to be the one to stay in the house. Does anyone have any advice?

Last time i went to the bank 3 years ago to get the mortgage they used my tax credits and child benefit and obviously what i earned as part of my income to calculate the mortgage. So I would imagine they will do that again.what will I get back if we both just sell it

First off, the amount that you will need to borrow is £138k outstanding plus you will need to pay your exDP his share of the equity (so £11k based on the house being valued at £160k). So you would need to borrow £149K. You'll need to fiddle around with mortgage calculators to see how much you need to earn to borrow that amount - I'd imagine it would be possible on a full time teacher wage.

One starts morning nursery in september and the other will start year 1 in september. I dont have any help with child care. I am the one who looks after them and picks them up and drops them off 3 times a day. My family dont live local so I dont have help. I cant work full time to hence why I do day to day supply. I feel like there is no way out now. I'm stuck here.

So both your children are old enough for childcare/school! Excellent. Coronavirus is obviously putting a spanner in the works, but you need to find a full time nursery place for your youngest, and wrap around care for your eldest, and then look for a full time teaching position. It's quite possible that you will get some childcare help through UC depending on how high your salary is. Like many single parents (and indeed non single parents), I don't think working part time is a luxury that you can afford right now, but as a teacher at least you will get long holidays with your children.

It's a big adjustment , but its perfectly doable (Coronavirus allowing).

Good luck.

OP I would speak to your current mortgage lender first, if you don't have any luck with them then try an independent mortgage broker. You can also see if any local universities have a law course attached to a pro bono unit, they will often have students willing to help for free or very little to garner experience and they have the benefit of being able to seek advice from their lecturers.

How long have you had the house? If he’s been paying all the mortgage for years it’s harder to say that you should have your deposit back. Did you sign anything to say you got the deposit back in the result of a break up? I put our house deposit down and the solicitor asked whether we wanted to do that in case of a split. I didn’t do it as my husband has added value through his DIY.

It really sounds like you need to speak to a divorce lawyer.

I'm just going to stay and try to make it work. I cant afford to do all this now. Hes won like normal. I dont stand a chance. Thanks for all the advice.

I echo others that you will need to get a full-time job, at least you will not be paying for childcare in the school holidays, which will be a big help.

When I wanted to buy my ex out of the house the mortgage company (Halifax) wouldn't let me on my own - typical 'computer says no' scenario - even though I knew I could afford it on my own.

In the end I got my Dad to come on the mortgage with me. And I also changed it to interest only so it was more affordable and so I could keep the house. I don't know if companies still do interest only but you could ask?

Just a couple of options to look into.

Also, with childcare, if you're working full-time in September you should get tax-free childcare allowance, so look into that also.

Good luck!

Do you have anyone who would be willing to go on the mortgage with you? I realise it's unlikely but a few friends of mine have been able to do this to secure their homes. One in particular is a good earner but can't get a mortgage as her husband has bad credit, so they agreed to be on the mortgage with her sister and in return her sister paid off a small loan. My friend doesn't actually pay anything for the mortgage she's just there purely in name.

His nibbs may well have been paying for the house but his children need to be housed Tinkerbellanne i suspect does not what to go into rented accomodation i think he will have a very feeble claim for his share whilst the children are there.

Thats why she needs good Legal advice!

Sorry OP the tenants in common will override any legal consideration in relation to the deposit.
When I tried to buy my ExH out I was £1,000 a year short on income according to the affordability calculator and the bank would not budge. Regardless of good credit history or having demonstrated a good propensity to save.
It right pissed me off.

I also had an issue with an uneven deposit which he promised to compensate in the event of a split. We were married and even though I had a historic agreement in writing (prior to the marriage), it didn’t stand up as it was not considered legally binding (it was email communication and we married after).
I sold up and took the financial hit to walk away, but then I didn’t have children.

You could ask him to honour your share of the deposit if you think he might?
Could you rent the property for a couple of years and move into rented yourself to give your income time to grow?
You could look into the option of a guarantor on a mortgage if you have someone who would fulfil that role?
Or is there room to take in a lodger? Get evidence of that income before applying alone?

Hopefully someone more knowledgeable will come along but don’t feel forced to stay in the relationship, even if you are forced to co-habit for a period of time.

& carolebaskinsheadband thats why a good mortage broker would be well advise do get solutions to the problem!

Like one did very well when my arse about tit building society wouldbe he got me a very good deal indeed:)

My mum and dad have recently separated and finding it difficult to support themselves so they are out the question. My sister has her own mortgage and dont really have anyone else.

@mrsm43s love your sensible advice!

I would sell the house, take your half, move into rented and save hard.

No relationship is worth staying in, if your being treated like shit x

You wouldn't need your parents/sister to pay the mortgage, but if they have good credit you just use their name?

Worse case scenario is you stay. But make sure you stay as 'friends' and not as partners. Just get on with things for the sake of the children, but in the back of your mind a plan to get money together, get a full-time job, and plan for yours and your children's future.

Does he know you don't want to be with him anymore?

Speak to your mortgage lender. They can be very flexible sometimes. Who are you with?

My lender agreed to take ExH off the mortgage if he agreed to transfer ownership (solicitor charged about £200 for this). I definitelt didn't meet their lending criteria for a new mortgage.

Nothing ventured nothing gained. Don't give up without a fight. x

Your relationship is dead. It's not a question of staying in it, it's just trying to figure out a way to live on your own. This may take a while because of the lockdown but don't give up now. Just take some time to explore lots of options.

Could you sell up and rent somewhere for a while, until the kids are a bit older and can do longer stretches in childcare?

Could you look into a different career, something where your teaching experience will be helpful but has more manageable hours?

You can't stay with a man who treats you like this, it will destroy you.

I would sell up and rent. You will hopefully be entitled to benefit top ups depending on how much you have in savings/equity. At least you'd be away and in a place to get your head sorted. Once the children are slightly older you can get a full time job and hopefully get back on the housing ladder if you can save a deposit. If you're young, you can get a 35+ years mortgage initially which will lower your monthly payments.

Have you looked at teaching in alternative provisions? I work in a PRU school and (used to a residential school for children with additional learning needs) and the hours are set 8:30-16 for teaching staff (8-16 at my previous one) that could give you the full time work you needed and set hours for school. I do tend to do some lesson planning on an evening when children in bed but I’m never at work until 6.

You'd have to buy him out of his 50% share. My mortgage is currently £126,000 and the repayments are £900 a month, I'm on a very lower tracker though at 0.59% over base, so currently the rate is 0.69%. These sorts of rates aren't available anymore.

I can't see how you can pay a £900 pm mortgage repayment as well as other bills, out of an income of £1,500 pm. I think that would be really tight and not sure the mortgage provider would accept it.

OP, get this moved to the relationships board and read some of the other threads on there for some excellent information and advice.
Talk to your current mortgage company. There must be some legal documentation about the deposit.
Contact Women's Aid for advice too.
Not only is it damaging for you in this relationship, it is damaging for your children too.

As a starting point
How much is current mortgage ?
How much are all the bills ?
You would need that much income to stay
Plus pay to buy your ex out

Alternatively, sell & split money 50/50 & you start your own separate lives
Move to a cheaper area

1. What is the current value of the house?
2. For remortgages they generally they will lend 90% of less (maybe only 80%). So if £160,000 you would need at least £16,0000 and maybe £32,000, but I assume you have paid equity off?
3. They look at affordability and so childcare costs are taken into account

What aged were you as a teacher? M6 is about £35,000 and so even full time it would be very hard to a mortgage.

Have you got a really short mortgage though @edwinbear? My previous mortgage was £230k at a higher interest rate and the repayments were under £900.

Don’t just stay because of money, @Tinkerbellanne. That never ends well. Selling up and renting is not a disaster.

The advice to look at non-standard teaching jobs is great. As is looking into other areas you could work in. It might be worth thinking about online tutoring work. Or moving into something like workforce development roles (which may have more 9-5 hours and a teaching background would be an advantage).

Don’t write yourself off and resign yourself to this miserable relationship.

I had a very similar situation with my ex husband who was also really deceitful, stealing money from the shared account for gambling and on dodgy dating sites etc. I got a good solicitor (who wasn't expensive as far as divorces go - about £2500 total cost) and she managed to negotiate me about 70% equity of the house as the children would be living with me and only seeing their Dad about once a month as he was moving to the other side of the country (grrr)

I then bought a cheaper house with my part of the equity as my deposit. It was totally the correct thing to do as I couldn't forgive him or trust him again. We now have our own lovely house which my children will eventually inherit. My brother is a financial advisor and recommended buying on my own to get stability as my ex was so bad at handling money.

50/50 split is only the starting point when working out finances - if you are going to have the children the majority of the time, you should be able to swing the split more in your favour if you get a good solicitor. My solicitor was not 'cut throat' aggressive, just firm and realistic at what she wanted to get for me and my children.