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Original poster

To tell him to clean the fucking toilet?!

120 replies

BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2020 07:47

I’m so furious. Spent ages scrubbing the bathrooms yesterday. Today, dp has absolutely destroyed the toilet and left skid marks all over. When I’ve mentioned it to him before I get “that’s what toilets are for 🤷🏻‍♀️ “ I also get accused of nagging.

But ffs, how disrespectful can you get?!

OP posts:
Alaimo · 13/05/2020 12:22

DH cleans up after himself, but usually I'm the one who does the weekly (thorough) cleaning of the bathroom while DH does the hoovering.

Last week I asked DH to clean the bathroom while I was going out to do a big food shop. He said fine and then asked me how to clean the toilet. I genuinely could not believe a man in his mid-30s doesn't know how to clean a toilet. At least he knows now.

rosiepony · 13/05/2020 12:26

Wtf? I wouldn’t go on a second date with a man like that. Why have you put up with this?
Would he leave skid marks in say Angeline Jolie’s House or David Beckham or whatever? NO. He is telling you that you, like his mum are lesser than him and fit to literally clean his shit. Like change his fucking nappy.

rosiepony · 13/05/2020 12:28

And you can tell him that from me.

rosiepony · 13/05/2020 12:28

If you have a daughter get her the fuck out now.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 13/05/2020 12:31

If you are still menstruating, maybe start leaving all your used tampons and pads out
Absolutely perfect. Grin

Dozer · 13/05/2020 12:46

“Tit for tat” rarely works with sexist twats

Cotswolds10 · 13/05/2020 16:59

@Dozer has it absolutely right. Sexist twats will not learn from retaliation because they fail to see the parallel. Leaving skid marks in the loo was part of a wider set of behaviours that showed me how completely disrespected I was by my now ExH. I would go mad at him but it made no difference. Once, just once in 15 years, some tissue with period blood on it didn’t fully flush away. He saw it and was truly disgusted with me. Failed to see the irony at all. And as others have said, the total lack of respect and his unwillingness to look after himself like an adult killed any sexual attraction I had for him stone dead. Repulsive.

TinRoofRusty · 13/05/2020 17:14

What a catch! Unmarried partner of 15 years and you left work to skivvy for the sexist twat. The secret? Dump sexist pig excuses for men at the dating stage. Raise your bar, have standards. Don't put up with any treatment you wouldn't mete out yourself. Love is respect, and if you don't respect yourself, no one else probably will, either.

BackseatCookers · 13/05/2020 17:17

Nobody has really answered my question - not that they have to but I'm genuinely baffled...

To all the posters who say their husband has always been like this... how are you still with them? Surely you say ok you're welcome to think it's ridiculous I don't want to clean up your shit (!!) but if you love me you'll respect that and do it yourself even if you think it's ridiculous. Which it isn't. If they continue to do it then they don't care about you.

Would you wipe a grown man's arse because he couldn't be arsed to? Of COURSE you wouldn't.

Seriously to the people who say I've been married xxx years and he's always done this - you know he thinks you are so much lower on the food chain than him that you should literally clean his shit up without making a mess?!?!

Cotswolds10 · 13/05/2020 19:13

@BackseatCookers to answer your question from my perspective... when you first fall in love, both people try harder. He wouldn’t have left the skid marks in the early days and I would have been more forgiving of the odd ‘slip up’.

I genuinely didn’t see how misogynistic he was until we had children a few years down the line. By then he already earned significantly more than me (I earned more than him when we met but I’m public sector so would never make much more than I already was in my field) so it made sense for me to be the SAHM from a financial perspective. That is when I started being treated like a skivvy and the ‘real’ him came to the fore.

I waited until the children were old enough that I could manage as a single parent and then I left. That’s not to say I didn’t try my damnedest to make him see that his behaviour was unacceptable. So many people on here say we just shouldn’t accept it. But if a grown adult refuses flat out to clear their own shit (literally or otherwise) then you are left with 3 choices. Leave the mess and accept that you will live in a hovel, accept that you have to do it yourself or leave. For those who have successfully ‘trained’ these men, it isn’t because they have done anything different to what I did, it’s because the men were better men to start with.

Honestly, my kids are all still in primary school and all do more around the house now than he ever did. But that’s because I can set expectations about making their beds etc. It’s impossible to do that when they see the other adult in the house treating someone like the unpaid house elf. Life is much much easier, calmer and cleaner. I don’t have as much money or the lifestyle but it has been completely worth it.

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2020 20:32

Thanks again all. He’s been so lovely in other ways today; cooking dinner and looking after kids etc and me as I’ve recently been bereaved. We’ll talk about the loo at some point....🙄

OP posts:
HugeAckmansWife · 13/05/2020 20:35

I've literally just yelled at my 10 year old DS for leaving it unflushed, again. For years now I've been calling him back to wipe the seat or floor, to flush the poo. It's pure laziness and in his case, rushing so he can get back to whatever he was doing. My dd is meticulous about cleaning and washing hands. I am working on it continually with sanctions etc as I don't want him to be one of these partners to some woman in the future but it is just weird laziness.

Original poster
BrutusMcDogface · 13/05/2020 20:36

Huge- my ds needs badgering to even wipe his bum!! 😱 he’s 8. I’m really at a loss.

OP posts:
Mamia15 · 14/05/2020 08:49

Like father like son?

Looks like they think you're there to clean up their shit. How disrespectful.

YouJustDoYou · 14/05/2020 08:51

Men are so fucking gross. 🤮

peperethecat · 14/05/2020 08:55

I wouldn't have sex with my husband if he left the toilet in a state.

VerityB1 · 14/05/2020 08:58

My DH is unable to leave the toilet clean.

If I know people are coming round, I have to check the loos for skid marks etc. Additionally, q often, seems unable to aim in the loo and a little pool of urine collects on the floor at the front ... requiring drying and disinfecting. If people come round unexpectedly, after settling them, I also check.

Actually, when I think about it, he is unable to leave the kitchen clean or the sitting room tidy either.

Sometimes I speculate whether he has mentally issues that make it difficult for him to clean/tidy things properly for the next user or is he doing it deliberately to assert his authority ... ... who knows but if we were to split up it would be up there in my top 5.

AnnaNimmity · 14/05/2020 08:58

ew. Vile.

I genuinely don't understand why you are still with him.

Thekindyoufindinasecondhand · 14/05/2020 09:06

Not that I'm excusing his behavior in anyway, it should definitely stop, you aren't his poo slave. BUT I now always buy Harpic Max power 10 toilet bleach, if you flush then put that down straight away afterwards and just leave it by the time whoever flushes again all 'stains' are gone. Even the most undomesticated of people can shove some bleach down a toilet Wink

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 14/05/2020 09:19

DH and I have separate bathrooms. I used to have a weekly cleaner but we decided to save the money and clean our own bathrooms. Does he EVER do his?? I daren't even look in the loo as I dread to think what it looks like, but the sink is disgusting. It's dirty, smeared with toothpaste and shaving foam, and the glass he keeps his toothbrush and razor in is indescribable!! And he puts his head under the tap to rinse his teeth rather than using a mug!

Clockworkprincess · 14/05/2020 09:25

Dp is a pain for leaving stains on the toilet but I've got the point of just chucking bleach at it. I know its not a man thing because ds4 cleans up after himself to the point of shouting for help if there is something he can't do. You can't teach an old dog sometimes but it is effective when a 4 year old is shouting he won't go toilet because there's poo on it 🤣

MarieQueenofScots · 14/05/2020 09:58

I used to have a weekly cleaner but we decided to save the money and clean our own bathrooms. Does he EVER do his?? I daren't even look in the loo as I dread to think what it looks like, but the sink is disgusting. It's dirty, smeared with toothpaste and shaving foam, and the glass he keeps his toothbrush and razor in is indescribable!! And he puts his head under the tap to rinse his teeth rather than using a mug

Christ that poor cleaner.

Your husband is revolting.

Dozer · 14/05/2020 10:08

Urgh.

OP, if your DP really is “lovely” then why are you loathe to ask him to clean up his own crap?

Verity, your H isn’t “unable”: he just thinks you should literally clean up his shit. Respectful and loving: not.

BackseatCookers · 14/05/2020 15:09

But @clockworkprincess that means the man you love, who says he loves you, literally thinks it's ok for you to have to clean up his shit when he doesn't want to.

If it's no big deal then he could do it himself.

So it is a big deal. Just a big deal he doesn't want to clean up himself.

Because it's beneath him. But right at your level.

Don't you think that's so disrespectful?!

BackseatCookers · 14/05/2020 15:11

My DH is unable to leave the toilet clean.

That just isn't true. He doesn't want to. Because he thinks it's beneath him but he's happy to watch you running around all over the house to check toilets for bits of shit he has left in them rather than bothering to clean up for himself. Sorry but men like this seem to really hate women.

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