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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have locked my OH out

131 replies

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 17:58

Getting so fed up with my OH disappearing to his friends house.
His friend is recently separated and his ex-wife has taken their 3 kids to her parents 2 hour drive away, he hasn't seen them in a good few months.
So I understand he is down, and my OH wants to be there for him, but it's just not on.
Texts on his phone from this friend 'if you're allowed out'... 'did you get in trouble' like they are kids... They are nearly 40!!

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, we have a toddler, not to mention lockdown!!

He reckons it's OK because his friend doesn't see anyone to catch anything from.
Again not the point.

So good luck with him getting back in the house tonight...
It's funny when his friends family was in tact, he was never 'allowed' out to see my OH.
Actually we rarely saw them, even tho they live at the other end of the village, it's not OK to treat me like a mug now his family isn't around!!

OP posts:

wasnotwasweregood · 12/05/2020 19:22

I don't blame you for being exasperated OP. I hope you have a chilled evening now. Personally I'm really heartened to find nurses are such warriors, get your feet up. I found the first trimesters the worst for just being utterly knackered. It's like being permanently jet-lagged.

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 19:23

Quote 'he's not going to sit here all day, imprisoned... just to keep me happy'
Says it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 19:26

And I've only got a problem with it because I have no friends of my own...
True, I haven't, but that's not why Im annoyed about it.

And I should see the time I have with my DS (after working, only 6 hours) as precious time but I see it as a chore.

🙈

OP posts:

choli · 12/05/2020 19:27

They are blokes, they aren't going to sit around talking about it and drinking wine.
That is quite a sexist assumption.

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 19:29

@wasnotwasnotweregood thank you so much. I'm not rushing to put DS to bed tonight, I'll wait for him to do it!
You're certainly right about first trimester being exhausting. As well as anxiety ridden!

OP posts:

Feedingthebirds1 · 12/05/2020 19:42

OP as you're posting more it's becoming clear that he is only interested in himself, and that he actively doesn't care about your well being.

I think it's up to you how you move forward, but I hope the scales are falling from your eyes as you post. When you're in the middle of one issue (him going to his friend's) it tends to block out all the other things. Writing them all down a bit at a time, on here if you want to or just for yourself, you'll see the bigger picture. And the picture ain't no Michaelangelo.

Bbang · 12/05/2020 19:45

Sorry OP but he sounds like a proper prize twat, I know you’re pregnant but is it really such a good idea to stay with him? It doesn’t sound like he cares about you or his children born and unborn. I’m shocked at how nasty and selfish he is being!

Howyiz · 12/05/2020 19:48

So you should see time with your ds as precious time but he needs a 4/5 hour break after spending time with him? Double standards much??

ScrewBalls99 · 12/05/2020 19:49

Yanbu. Are you sure he's at his mates? Why are you not allowed to tell your mum about the pregnancy op?

Macncheeseballs · 12/05/2020 19:50

So Matey boy fucks up his marriage whilst happily letting your dh step into the breach, abandoning his own family, all during lockdown. They sound like a right pair.

Healthyandhappy · 12/05/2020 19:53

U r allowed to see one person your hubby gonna go mad sitting with u and xhild all day. Go and meet your mum in the park. God if my husband was of work and wanted to go out I'd be like too seriously. Tjankgod hes working

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 19:55

@screwballs99 he wants to wait til the scan, to make sure everything is OK.
I'm having one in 2 weeks just for reassurance, just incase, but tbh, if anything was wrong, id want my mums support, so why only tell her the bad news god forbid there is any, instead of the good news on the flip side.

And nothing is guaranteed in pregnancy is it, you could get to 40 weeks and something awful happen, so why wait til an 8 week scan.

OP posts:

babydogandi · 12/05/2020 19:56

Everyone who says OP is being unreasonable. Would you then be happy with you DH breaking lockdown to spend time with a friend when you were pregnant and had a young child?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 12/05/2020 20:02

YANBU to expect a bit of support at the moment, at least the same as he is giving his friend. Is he usually like this?

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 12/05/2020 20:03

Why does he hardly do bedtime? And if looking after his toddler is such a privilege why doesnt he volunteer to do extra while you put your feet up?

HuggedTheRedwoods · 12/05/2020 20:09

Off out for hours 3 or 4 times a week gaming and going upstairs / outside for an hour to take phone calls doesn't sound right to me nor the talk of 'being allowed out' 'imprisoned' and YANBU to be fed up.

If he is with his mate (gaming is one thing but the disappearing for long phone calls sounds odd to me) I'm wondering what will happen when the pubs open again and his single mate might want a wingman, is your DH going to be at home with you and two children?

Maybe a calm conversation about how you both see the future is in order?

Truthpact · 12/05/2020 20:16

Everyone who says OP is being unreasonable. Would you then be happy with you DH breaking lockdown to spend time with a friend when you were pregnant and had a young child?

You'll not get a reasonable answer here. They are probably the other ones breaking lockdown.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 12/05/2020 20:32

I'm genuinely so shocked at some of these responses.

How on Earth anyone can think you're being unreasonable is beyond me.

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 20:36

It's likely that they are making their own rules just like my OH, and breaking lockdown themselves.

They will be shocked when we have another huge wave of this, and we will all be in isolation a lot longer.

Lockdown is not over!!

OP posts:

FourPlasticRings · 12/05/2020 20:46

What is wrong with MN tonight?

YANBU, OP.

1Morewineplease · 12/05/2020 21:03

Sorry to hear about your difficulties, OP.
Your partner sounds like he needs a kick up the proverbial. However, I’m not sure what locking him out will achieve, other than an angry and stressful scene outside your property.

You really need to talk , heart to heart and, depending on the outcome, move forward from that point.

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 21:33

We've had a bit of a heart to heart.
Think he's understanding how I'm feeling.
Says he doesn't want to give up on us, and he's committed. The kids are priority.
We will see though.

It seems to go like this, every few months, we're at loggerheads and be distant, then we will have a big talk and it'll be OK again.
Needs work!

OP posts:

Bleepbloopblarp · 12/05/2020 21:41

Err....yeah I’d be really annoyed too. Can’t understand why you’re getting so much grief OP. Last week people were screeching and frothing on here if someone so much as mentioned visiting a lonely parent.

What’s changed? I’m confused.

Cherrysoup · 12/05/2020 21:46

Nothing has changed, you are still told not to mix households.

AMomHasNoName · 12/05/2020 21:48

YANBU

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