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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have locked my OH out

131 replies

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 17:58

Getting so fed up with my OH disappearing to his friends house.
His friend is recently separated and his ex-wife has taken their 3 kids to her parents 2 hour drive away, he hasn't seen them in a good few months.
So I understand he is down, and my OH wants to be there for him, but it's just not on.
Texts on his phone from this friend 'if you're allowed out'... 'did you get in trouble' like they are kids... They are nearly 40!!

I'm 6 weeks pregnant, we have a toddler, not to mention lockdown!!

He reckons it's OK because his friend doesn't see anyone to catch anything from.
Again not the point.

So good luck with him getting back in the house tonight...
It's funny when his friends family was in tact, he was never 'allowed' out to see my OH.
Actually we rarely saw them, even tho they live at the other end of the village, it's not OK to treat me like a mug now his family isn't around!!

OP posts:

SparklingLime · 12/05/2020 18:15

What awful responses you’ve had, OP. He’s breaking lockdown while you’re pregnant and working as a nurse? He’s being a selfish arse. His first responsibility is to you and your kids. He can support his friend via FaceTime and play computer games with him remotely.

AvoidingRealHumans · 12/05/2020 18:15

Country casual I completely agree.
People on here are off their tits sometimes

chunkyrun · 12/05/2020 18:16

Op I think your reaction isn't the best but I'd be pissed. You get lumbered with kids while he swans off. Nah I'd expect some curtsey. Once kids are in bed ect. It's unfair on you otherwise. Nothing wrong with supporting friends in need but no need to take piss

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 18:16

@countrycasual...

I'm probably not primed for mumsnet to get the sympathy vote.

But yes, bottom one is correct.
He would rather support his mate than his pregnant other half, who's working her arse off during a pandemic, feeling pretty rotten from pregnancy, and exhausted from looking after our toddler on top of all that.

OP posts:

LST · 12/05/2020 18:18

I'm not saying what he is doing is right. It is how you wrote off mental health and locked him out instead of speaking to him about it. If my DP fucked off for hours on end we'd be having words, but I wouldn't lock him out of his home.

harper30 · 12/05/2020 18:19

@countrycasual is spot on

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 18:19

@runmybathforme
I've tried to talk to him and explain how I feel. Even cried in my exhaustion.. He still does what he likes regardless.

Tells me I can't see my mum or tell her about my pregancy, but he's swanning off doing what he likes, breaking all the rules, I just won't be treated like a mug anymore.

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 12/05/2020 18:19

I don't think you're BU. You're pregnant and have a toddler and he's buggering off to his mate's house during a global pandemic lockdown. That is all the information needed.

Monsterjam · 12/05/2020 18:20

Locking him out seems unlikely to achieve your desired result so yes YABU

stophuggingme · 12/05/2020 18:20

@Moonandme111
I’m with you on this

He can do gaming online with his mate and FaceTime
Hours and hours all the time like this given your current set up and the virus that shall not be named is just not on

CountryCasual · 12/05/2020 18:21

@Moonandme111

If it were me I’d lock him out. If it were my friend I’d advise them to lock him out. He has broken lockdown and is endangering you, your pregnancy and your child.
I would not however let him back in, or engage in any sort of shouting/arguing about it. Pack a bag put it on the doorstep and tell him you’ll be in touch to arrange visitation for DC, providing he can find a suitable place to stay and doesn’t become symptomatic.

It’s shit that he’s not choosing to support you but I would try not to make it about that right now.

AriadnesFilament · 12/05/2020 18:21

He’s buggering off multiple times a week, for hours at a time, during lockdown when we shouldn’t be mixing households, leaving you with the toddler each time without giving you any indication he’d be going, you’re a nurse..... yeah, YANBU. People on here are crackers sometimes.

stophuggingme · 12/05/2020 18:21

Not sure locking him out will change anything though and he has more of an excuse to bugger off back there tbh

NoPinkPlease · 12/05/2020 18:22

I'm with you - he's being a crap partner and breaking the rules.

guanciale · 12/05/2020 18:23

denying your kids access to their dad wow

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 12/05/2020 18:24

I really don't understand all the posters that think spending the day in someone's home is OK in current circumstances - especially when you are pregnant, doing a physically and mentally demanding job and you both have a young child to take care of.

What happened to the shock/horror nextdoor neighbour but ten went shopping and it might not have been essential/ someone stood too close to my wall brigade?

I don't think that locking him out is necessarily the best course of action, but he is being unreasonable - both in failing to keep socially distant and not pulling his weight.

Original poster

Moonandme111 · 12/05/2020 18:24

@stophuggingme
It wouldn't make a difference, I do bedtime anyway most nights, so what would him coming home achieve.
He would eat the dinner I've cooked and plated up,and sit and watch TV while I go up and do bedtime, then I'm in bed because I'm so tired from Work and pregnancy, so no time together anyway!

OP posts:

LadyMuck111 · 12/05/2020 18:24

I think some of the responses on here are really unfair. I expected to read LTB and yeah lock him out!
You're working hard as a nurse, you are 6 weeks pregnant and are getting left alone to cope which isn't fair in itself without us being in a lockdown and not supposed to be doing anything other than work or exercise whilst maintaining social distancing.

YANBU at all.

WorraLiberty · 12/05/2020 18:25

So good luck with him getting back in the house tonight...

He doesn't need luck. He just needs the police.

SpillTheTeaa · 12/05/2020 18:25

YANBU at all OP. He shouldn't be round there all the time.
Oh come on, end a relationship over locking someone out. Are people that sensitive? .

Don't listen to some of the responses on here OP. You need a break and he needs to put you and your child first not his little pal.

nervousnelly8 · 12/05/2020 18:26

Wow, some of these responses are I probably wouldn't lock him out, but agree that he is being a complete ass. Once he's back, I would leave him with the toddler for half a day and go our for your exercise alone. Find a bench and sit in the sunshine and have a snooze.

SpillTheTeaa · 12/05/2020 18:26

Call the police hahaha.
He can just go back to his friends surely?

VEGAS2016 · 12/05/2020 18:26

Christ whats wrong with people on here? In other stories it is not ok to break lockdown but in this circumstances it is??? Why??
OP YANBU, i would be raging. Where is the support for you??

usernotknown · 12/05/2020 18:28

I don't think you should lock him out, but I can understand you being annoyed.

SpillTheTeaa · 12/05/2020 18:28

Imagine if he called the police because he was locked out.
They'd ask why he was locked out 'erm well I was with my friend playing video games...'

Imagine... 😂

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