Ex wants me to tell our kids they are going to be big brothers? I have said no

[Toomanyapplesinabarrelofgrapes]

Cut a long story short I have 2 children with my ex. Tonight he has emailed me to ask me to tell my sons that they are going to be big brothers come september. Aibu to say no to his request.
My children havent spent the night at his house for over a year( he lives 10 min up the road)
He visits the children for a couple of hours at his parents house (when they go once every 8 weeks or so)
He failed to attended mediation, hasnt set up an agreement and said if he doesnt get what he wants then he will carry on visiting them at his parents. My eldest needs structure, is unable to positively handle emotion and can act violently. Uncertainty is a big trigger so I have been keen to develop some structure. Ex said workers one in every 3 weeks yet wanted the kids end of every month. I asked what would happen when that matched working schedule and asked to discuss further he said if he didnt get it his way then he would carry on visiting his parents. I advised him to try mediation or to send a 6 month calendar so we can plan . Nothing came of it.
Now this.
My first instinct is to not tell the children surly it's not my place?

Won't they find out? Better to come from you and see you being onboard with it?

He's shown he's not a decent person....but you are so you have to tell them. They need to know...they'll find out in the end.

Well the will eventually,but it's not my place to tell them surly?

Nope, not your place, that's for him to do. His new baby and his kids.
You're already doing all the parenting here OP.

I would stay out of it. Its up to him to tell the children.

I'm just not sure it should come from me? What do I say to the kids answers?

I don't think it's your place and it's shit but how do you want your kids to find out? Surely hearing it from you and being able to ask questions is better

Arrange for him to zoom call and tell them himself.

This is why you shouldn't tell them op.

They might have questions you don't have answers for and since you're the one who potentially broke the news.... and their dad is hardly ever around... It might be you they get upset with.
I would leave well alone.

I guess he's expecting you to do it as you already do all the parenting for the kids you have together.
It's his job to tell them.

Is he flat out refusing to tell them if you don't?

You already said your oldest is prone to violent outbursts and uncertainty is a trigger for that....
So I definitely wouldn't be breaking news like this to them.

I just worry I'm doing the wrong thing all of the time, I always want to act in the best interest of my children. I do do everything school, senco meetings, behavior meetings, sort my student nurse shifts around the kids. My ex has that little input that he didnt get back in touch with family support, never showed up for ed psychologist meetings, not attended parents evenings. He has asked once if they are okay during this pandemic and that was in response to me asking for my child electric scooter from him (took a week for reply) . We picked it up from the end of his drive cleaned it got it home and it was broken. I am just so fed up with it all. As their dad part of me feels i should keep him informed but when he doesnt reply it is so disheartening but if i dont tell him stuff does that reflect bad on me?. Our 7 year olds anxiety was through the roof and he managed to escape the school grounds by getting over a fence and nearly got hit by a car, I felt I should let his dad know and he ignored that too.

Oh op I'm so sorry, you really are carrying everything by yourself.

Please do yourself a favour here and dont take on the task of telling the children somthing like this.

You wont have all/many answers for them and should not have to deal with this on top of all you already do.
This is for him to sort.

We communicate via email only, he is so irregular with contact that I worry that if he is introduced to a zoom call.that the boys would expect it and it wouldn't happen and I'm keen to not set them up for more disappointment

It's not you disappointing them here OP, it's their useless father.

You sound like an amazing mum who's doing all she can for her children.

Just get back to him and say you're not comfortable divulging that sort of information and it needs to be him who tells the children. You will not be doing it.
It's not your responsibility

That's the way I feel but I constantly second guess because I dont want to do something that will let down my kids

I did reply saying that I wouldn't tell them as it has nothing to do with me . I also said good luck.
It is rubbish i am already questioning why he is preparing to be a father again but has next to nothing to do with the 2 children he already has.

You're absolutely not letting your kids down.

You're simply refusing to do somthing that isn't your place.

His baby,... with another woman... has nothing to do with you at this stage.

If the baby was already here, fine, you would want your children to have a relationship with their sibling but baby isn't here and neither is their father really......

I wouldn't be telling them about a baby when the man isn't even around to answer their questions,or explain to them, just no.

You’re doing amazing!. Don’t doubt yourself. Why won’t he tell them himself?

It is rubbish i am already questioning why he is preparing to be a father again but has next to nothing to do with the 2 children he already has

I was thínking the same thing op.

He surely knows this himself... Probably partly the reason why he wants you to break the news🙄
Don't do anymore of his work for him.

He said he was hoping to see the boys in person but that seems unlikely at the moment so could I tell them they have a baby brother due at the end of september

Or he could pick up the phone and call them.

You already do his share of Parental duties 24/7
Leave this to him. His responsibility.

He blocked my number etc so wont phone

I am going too.