Dating as a black woman

[doublestriker]

Moved to the UK 2 years ago. Been so lonely. Open to dating anyone from any race but I don't think white men are that interested in black women? I match with some of them on dating sites and the conversation just does not progress. Live in a rural area and work as a doctor so there are not a lot of other races here. I'm 31 and just losing hope.

I don't think that's about ethnicity, doc. A lot of conversations in terms of OLD don't progress regardless of ethnicity. It's pretty shit and superficial.
What sites are you using? Also, you might be better having this moved to the Relationships board.

Oh that’s really sad op but no reflection on you. If it helps my DD in her 20s avoids online dating because she reckons they are all weird or married men looking for a shag.
Any groups/clubs around that you can join? Any social life at work?

I also don’t think this is about ethnicity. It’s the same for anyone on online dating and I sympathise with you.

Noooo problem at all!!

If anything they might think that you're not interested in them.

Old is awful.
Where you have moved to may not be right for you.

I'm a doctor, moved rurally and started Old - nothing progressed. Went to local gigs and events and met someone lovely at one of those who is totally on my wave length.

So sorry you've been lonely I know how hard that is

TBH, I suspect it's more likely because you're a 30-something with a proper job. A lot of men on OLD do not like women who have their shit together as it makes you harder to prey on.

Which sites/apps have you been using?

Thanks ladies. I am usually a home buddy but had started coming out of my shell and attending some of these social events but lock down happened! I plan to put myself out there more. I'm so happy for the OP that meg someone nice. I hope that's my story soon.

Gosh. The apps I'm on? Name it and I'm in there- OKCupid, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Happn, Inner Circle.

Apart from OLD, men here just don't seem to pay attention to me (I mean that in the most non conceited way) so I have the (probably distorted) thought that this is a reflection of OLD.

Maybe I will take the "doctor" down from my bio.

Thanks again. This site has kept me company.

@Lifeisabeach09 how do I move this please? I'm using the phone app and can't find that option. Thank you.

Don't take Dr off! Be proud ofit. If a man can't handle it he's not for you. Never dumb down!

Try Match. It's a bit more serious. I've never done the swipe apps, and never intend to! OkCupid is full of weirdos, in my experience.
Match is by no means perfect - and yes, OLD can be shit in general - but for someone of your calibre (you sound great!), I'd recommend a paid site as opposed to a freebie one.

Try Guardian Soulmates?

I'm sorry you're having no luck. Are you looking for fun, or for love? If the latter, are you sure you want to take "dr" off your profile? A man who would be intimidated by that isn't right for you long term.

Def don't take Dr. Off! I dated a lot of guys who cpuldnt handle I was more successful it was so irritating.

Online dating is just a nightmare, you have to accept you'll need to wade through a lot of rubbish to find a gem (semi precious or otherwise)
I ended up treating it like a part time job and generally did at least 2 dates a week, spending 3 hours on a Sunday setting up dates for following week.
It was all worth it in the end as i met my fiance in the end 🤩
It did take over 2 years though!!!!

Free sites are just shag hookups

I met my husband on either match or e harmony x

OP it absolutely sucks but I don't think you're crazy to think there is sometimes racism involved. I think it's true that some people have rigid ideas about who they fancy and for some people that includes ethnic background. I'm not saying it's right, what I'm saying is I don't think you are imagining it. Having said that, I agree with PPs that there are other factors too and app dating in general leaves people feeling crap.

Agree you could try some of the more serious websites where people are more invested. You're a catch and should be treated as such!

Thanks so much @dieu. Is that match.com? I definitely don't mind paying.

I'm looking for love so will keep the doctor haha. I think I'm just in that phase where I'm wondering if I'm doing anything wrong so a bit of self-doubt.

Do not dumb down for a man!!!!

I've dipped in and out of online dating, it's awful and the men on there seem to be up their own arses and just want a housewife!

Definitely try Guardian soulmates. It's much less "shallow" than a lot of the sites you've mentioned. Plus you can pretty much guarantee there are no Daily Mail readers on there.

@doublestriker I find dating sites a pitta to be honest. Dirty blokes after one thing (I am not being sexist before anyone jumps on me just my experience can’t tell it from the other way).

You sound like you have your life together which can put blokes off as they like to be ‘the man’ and think the woman needs them etc - again just my experience.

Don’t remove the Dr in your bio you have worked bloody hard be proud of that!

YY to Guardian Soulmates.

Another vote for Guardian Soulmates. Found my DH on there. Lots of professional liberal-minded people. Good luck!

I found Soulmates and Match the least depressing (and they gave me a success story but after MANY dates)! Good luck. xx

Try elite.com
People on there are serious about finding a partner. My best mate is getting married to someone she met on there and I had loads of dates with nice men but ended up meeting someone in my local pub.

Sorry your lonely, I’ve been there and it’s shit.

Stop old and get in the real world. Find a social group in your area of your interest.Your more likely to meat a like minded person from there.

Met my husband on match affinity.
I spent £90 and an hour filling in a questionnaire.
I figured that a man who would do that is solvent and looking for a relationship
Free sites were full of married men looking for hookups
Work out your criteria and don't drop it
I got told I was too fussy but when I dropped my standards the relationship ended for that same reason ie not having a car, or not being on a similar earnings level.
It may sound shallow but having to pay for everything just made me broke and miserable.

I also got told to hide my occupation as it would intimidate men. Fuck that!
Definitely don't lose the doctor, you've earned it and a man who can't handle it, isn't the man for you.