Dating as a black woman

[doublestriker]

Moved to the UK 2 years ago. Been so lonely. Open to dating anyone from any race but I don't think white men are that interested in black women? I match with some of them on dating sites and the conversation just does not progress. Live in a rural area and work as a doctor so there are not a lot of other races here. I'm 31 and just losing hope.

I joined a paid site and my first message was ‘fancy seeing you here!’ from one of the creeps on the free site 😂 it was all the same men!

This made me laugh! Like a thriller or horror film 😄

OP, if you haven't, you may want to add to your profile that you're open to any race because some people may not know that you are.

I agree with keeping the 'Doctor' bit. It's important (although be cautious too about people who might see this as a meal ticket?).

There's always pros and cons, aye. Hope you find the right one for you. Please don't compromise on things that are important to you. You sound really lovely!

While I can imagine that race is still an issue, I think being rural is probably a worse obstacle to finding a date. There just aren't that many single people, and London people only want to date other London people.

I was on Soulmates at your age and didn't do very well (unemployed single parent at the time, met a lot of potential cocklodger types who were scandalised that I wouldn't be able to keep them in the style to which they were accustomed) but I recall that professional women were in great demand, so you should do well. Watch out for the freeloaders and wannabe social climbers though.

A premium paid site would be much better. Definitely don't take doctor off

Can I just ask all the people recommending paid sites: do you have any personal experience (you, or your rl friends) meeting "better" men on them? My experience is that they're all terrible - the same men - but fewer of them

you gotta kiss a lot of frogs. go to the places with most frogs.
Any frog can pay a fee to meet a princess.

It will be all the same men, of course it will. Don’t know why people would pay to chat to the same men tbh!

as a white male i find black females incredibly attractive, if i wasnt attached i would likely seek my next relationship to be with a black female.

OLD isnt always the best way to find a new partner, theres many out there just to waste your time when they are bored.

good luck x

Just an update! Guardian soulmate is closing down. My luck is very shit; how typical for them to close down when I've just registered. Oh well

Op as a mixed race woman I would say that there may be some men who may exclude you on the basis of colour. I also got that impression when I was OLD. Mind I found the whole thing soul-destroying. I think sometimes OLD focussed people on a list of wants which go out of the window in real life. Do you think attending events where you can meet/talk to people might be an option? Are there any of those match events locally you could try?
I would have excluded my DH online on the basis of age. It's not been an issue in practice and I couldn't be happier.

To everyone saying it's not about race,it absolutely is. There's been research

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/love-sex/dating-apps-racism-tinder-bumble-grindr-online-dating-a8504996.html

Hi OP - I'm a black woman with a white partner. I would say it's your location more than your race, to be honest. There are certainly people who have racial prejudices or are just more comfortable staying within their race, but there are still many people who don't feel that way and are happy to date whoever they have a connection with. It might be in a rural area there are fewer of those willing to try new things.

My mum always comments how "in her day" you'd never see a black girl with a white man, but now she and many of her friends' daughters are now married to white men and she'd never have imagined it. And I'm not talking about the light-skinned Beyonce-looking girls. Full 100% African with natural hair women arm in arm with white men. Honestly some guys think it makes them seem a bit cool - which is not a basis for a long-lasting relationship but it can be the spark of it!

Also - noticed that you're Nigerian. Do you have a name that seems hard for a non-Nigerian to pronounce? Sounds silly but sometimes people overlook Africans because they just are a bit lazy to try and say our names.

Just an update! Guardian soulmate is closing down.

😯

Can I just ask all the people recommending paid sites: do you have any personal experience (you, or your rl friends) meeting "better" men on them? My experience is that they're all terrible - the same men - but fewer of them

Upvote for this.

I was on from 2014 -17 and I met my fiance on tinder. All my relationships were from tinder actually.
I tried match.com and eharmony but they seemed to be full of men who couldn't spell/lived with their mum/were wannabe cocklodgers.

I read an article that said that it is hardest for black women.
The OLD had the stats to prove that no races messaged black women.

It sounds shit op. Im white and i found internet dating so shit.

I think that you need to take matters in to your own hands and send messages.

Ps re paid sites, the men are more entitled. They think they have PAID, so they feel entitled to a younger better looking woman.

Do not dumb down. Do not take doctor off your profile.

My advice having endured years of OLD (but as woman in mid to late 40s) would be to send messages to white men 10 years older. That might seem too big an age gap, but dont dumb down. Take control. Be the message sender.

Get a thick skin. When i was in my late 40s, i still got glances in rl but my 'capital' on a dating site is zero.

I had to be the message sender. I also had to have a thick skin, as half of them didnt reply.

I met a few ok people though. Most demoralising phase of my life. I gave up which made me happier, but i am older than you.

Hi OP,
How are you getting on?