Dating as a black woman

[doublestriker]

Moved to the UK 2 years ago. Been so lonely. Open to dating anyone from any race but I don't think white men are that interested in black women? I match with some of them on dating sites and the conversation just does not progress. Live in a rural area and work as a doctor so there are not a lot of other races here. I'm 31 and just losing hope.

If I wasn't happily married it wouldn't bother me at all dating a woman of colour. Wouldn't even enter my head that this would be an obstacle.

What country are you from? It is interesting to note you are having a different experience. My honest opinion is that people who live in predominantly white areas may make initial assumptions based on someone being a different race and tinder etc is all about initial assumptions. Either find a site less about initial assumptions or date elsewhere. As a doctor you can move somewhere more cosmopolitan quite easily.

What country did you move from out of interest?

I met my husband on POF 8 years ago. I'd say, once lockdown is properly lifted, the key is to meet! It's hard to sustain a conversation with someone you don't know. Have a chat, see if you get on. If they are weird/pervy/not doing it for you then obviously move on. If they seem ok, meet for a coffee and see if you click! Honestly, I spoke to DH online and really wasn't sure about him but when I met him we got on so well and the rest his history! Good luck!

Op you mention in your first post specifically white men.

What about black or Asian men?

Just a thought perhaps you are focusing too much on the white guys whilst your mr Right isn't a white guy.

Given her area the overwhelming majority of possible matches will be white though Honey. Seconding Guardian Soulmates - I’ve been to a bunch of weddings and christenings of friends thanks to them.

I know people who have got married from match and eharmony. Both paid sites with more chance of meeting people who really want to meet a partner! Good luck, you sound lovely! x

Only use paid sites. I know quite a lot of people that have met really lovely partners on paid sites so it’s not impossible or even rare for online working to work out.

I would also suggest guardian soulmates. I know a few professional women who have met husbands on it.

Tinder is full of predators trying to pick up 18 year old girls.

And definitely don’t hide your profession. No normal man would turn his nose up at a doctor.

A lot of very nice looking and professional Asian men on Bumble. The split white/Asian is almost even, but then I am in London.

Yay! Thanks so much. Was a bit hesitant to put this here but how would I have had so much encouragement and suggestions if I hadn't?! (Just a note to myself to get out of my shell more haha).

I don't mind any race at all. Pretty much open-minded about that. Just that here, majority of the race is white Caucasian and they're nice! Seen a couple of good-looking guys from my window but I get a lump in my throat when I wanna say hi

I moved from Nigeria. :)

Moving to a more cosmopolitan area is definitely something I'd considered but I love this place albeit inability to date. Won't blame just the location- I need to be pro-active as well.

Thanks all. Downloaded the guardian and match sites. Will update you! :)

Don't remove the doctor!! You are obviously an intelligent woman - better they know that at the outset and can deal with it. Have you tried better quality (paid for) dating sites? I think that is what you need to find like minded people with decent careers and aspirations.

@doublestriker

Match.com, yes, that's the one. Don't get it confused with its sister site, Match Affinity. I didn't like that one as much, as they send you matches, I believe. Whereas on Match you have free rein to message whoever you like. Perhaps Match Affinity will be your preferred site, but look into it before you decide.

Good luck!

Another recommendation for the Guardian here.

OKCupid is quite "studenty" and the vast majority use the free profile.
Tinder (mostly) is about hooking up.

The Guardian generally is for more professionals and those looking for serious relationships, rather than playing the field.

Also, OLD is full of creeps and weirdos - that's just the way it is sadly. But there are hidden gems and my last 3 relationships (all good) were from OLD.

And definitely don’t hide your profession. No normal man would turn his nose up at a doctor.

100% this

I dont think it has anything to do with either race or being a Doctor TBH! My DD has been on Tinder, and has as a PP said upthread come across a lot of sleazy types trying for some leg over action ,while still married to their long suffering wives!As a Doctor ,I wonder where in UK you are?There is a site in our town (South Coast) especially for professional types of people.May be worth a look in your location maybe ? Good luck and dont give up!

I'd be wary of putting your job. Just say professional. Purely because OLD also attracts freeloaders looking for people on good salaries.

Hello @doublestriker - I am a white male and my partner is from Tanzania originally, also a doctor, although she is not a medical doctor. We met through online dating when she was half way through her PhD - I am a practical, doer and she is the academic thinker so, together, we make a great team! Don't lose heart - I know you said that you are open to dating or friendship with people of any ethnicity, but I can assure you that there are many white men who are attracted to black women, but sometimes feel that the attraction is not mutual. All I can tell you is that my partner and I are very happy together, I adore her daughter, and we are a happy family unit.It worked for us! Feel free to PM me if I can help further. Good luck

Having just looked at Guardian Soulmates, I'm really not sure it's of any use to anyone outside of London.
I'm in a city, yet there are only 25 possibilities for me. And that's with having a very open 15 year age range!

Don't despair, online dating is by its v nature a fickle beast..however, not every guy on there is a loser creep I dated some v successful and hot men from Tinder.. a surgeon, a few fund managers, head of a PR co, you get my drift. Some guys on there are just like you and me, successful and looking for a decent date..

My DH (met on Tinder) loved the fact I had a dynamic and senior role... so just be you, be proud of who you are. You will click with someone eventually.

@Beekeeper1

Thank God the white man has arrived to explain the situation to us!

@Floatyboat that’s a bit harsh! I do jump on the “behold a man has arrived” types on here, but all he did was add his experience (as a white male with a black girlfriend, not irrelevant) and wish the OP luck.

It was a more useful input than the PP who suggested joining social clubs

@ellisandra

Yeah, maybe. Was just the offer of a PM that tickled me so couldn't resist.