AIBU - living in England completely insufferable?

[hellosunshine5]

As per the title really, I loved living here for a few years but I now just find the whole country completely insufferable.

Does anyone else feel the same?

For what it’s worth, I’m English and was born here to English parents who then emigrated to NZ when I was 8. Lived over there until I returned to England when I was 20 to get to know my extended family and have an adventure etc. I ended up meeting someone and settling - South East for reference.

Fast forward 7 years and I am really struggling to tolerate life here any longer. I’m making plans to leave, but they’re obviously on hold for the foreseeable.

My reasons?

• I work hard in a fairly well paid job that I commute to in London, but I can still only reasonably afford to live in a tiny one bedroom apartment with no outside space. I see my friends from back home in similar financial situations buying 4 bedroom new build family homes with massive gardens.

• England is over crowded. I find it unbearable to have to circle my local supermarket car park multiple times (whatever time of the day) to find a space. Such simple things in life shouldn’t be so difficult.

• I hate the competitiveness of life over here. Everyone trying to have the newest car, the best holidays, the nicest house, the best schools for their kids, even if they can’t actually afford it. I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

So, AIBU? Are you genuinely happy living here? Appreciate it’s a difficult question for those that have never lived elsewhere.

I live in Australia, not NZ I know but similar and I’ve never felt properly at home here despite living here all my life. Summer where I live is insufferable and getting worse every year. English weather suits me so much better. I’m just sad my chance to move to the UK has passed me by. Summer here raises my anxiety to extremely high levels and I just can’t see a fix apart from moving.

Before the pandemic I was looking at moving to Tasmania or NZ. Hopefully I can still make the move. I’ll miss my family of course but I think I need to give it a go.

Despite all this I recognise that all the things I dislike about where I live, other people love. People are very different.

I now just find the whole country completely insufferable

Really? The whole country? 🙄

Why do you think foreign businesses and investors don't want to establish businesses in Birmingham or Manchester?

Is London not doing well against other international cities in that regard?

Move out of the London, south east catchment area, life is cheaper, more affordable and people are generally happier and will chat. There are some beautiful parts of the U.K that are less crowded.

We love the UK, having lived in New Zealand and several other countries but we're high earners, own our own beautiful home and don't live in an overcrowded city, so our experience is clearly very different to yours. The choice isn't only the UK or New Zealand - travel around and experience life in other countries to find the place that suits you best. You sound very bitter but ultimately, only you can improve your life.

The SE costs. Move somewhere else if you don't like paying for it - we did.

As an outsider who was attracted to London it feels more like an engine of growth than a ‘cancer’.

So many people move here for opportunity and investment pours in too. It could go to another capital city instead not to Manchester.

Having lived in a few places I agree it’s good to find somewhere that fits well.

I feel lucky to live here. Ok so we are not without problems and in all honesty there are places in the world with better. But we have clean drinking water, a health system that is free at the point of use and a government system that has enough elements of democracy that we can keep them in check usually (don't start me on the unelected house of lords). Just check out Haiti to see how much fun cholera in the water is. But New Zealand looks beautiful, so if you feel more at home there, I wish you well. I certainly think that Jacinda Ardern is the world leader I most admire, so if we could borrow her occasionally, that would be good too.

*Why do you think foreign businesses and investors don't want to establish businesses in Birmingham or Manchester?

Is London not doing well against other international cities in that regard?*

My point is the imbalance between investment in London and the South East and the rest of the UK.

I want to leave...

My husband a job which means we never worry about money. He could fly back when needed. He often has to fly anyway to jobs.

I want a calmer life. Nicer taxes (though not sure we'd get that!). More people being nice to other people. Nicer schools. I'd love my kids and I to be bilingual. My friend moved to Switzerland when her kids were young. Stick them in a Swiss school when they moved there and the kids were 8 and 6. They've stayed there since. Nicer weather. Slower pace of life.

One less whinger in the country is a bonus - off you go.

Move out of London, many places are simply idyllic. Problem solved.

I also live nowhere near London. But south England. With beautiful scenery. Lovely beaches

But nope.

YANBU. I moved back here a few years ago after living away for a few years and found it utterly grim. I’m more acclimatised now, but will leave again when I get chance.

I dislike:

-The passive-aggressive politeness strategy

• The small-minded insularity
• The deluded sense of British exceptionalism
• The weird way the Brits have of making everything difficult and hard work. Like tying their feet together and trying to hop and then getting embarrassed and apologising for being shit at hopping
• The general grimness

There are things I like as well, but there are better places.

I think people elsewhere in the world are much more humble and happy with their lot.

You have no evidence of that. I’m sure people are people everywhere - some humble and happy with their lot, some not. Moving to another country won’t make you avoid idiots, sorry

Foreign investors will go where the opportunities are. London is a world city it seems odd to denigrate it because it stacks up well.

Anyway back to the op if you are finding a status ridden life isn’t for you it’s often easier to move out of it than in to it. Downsize and take a slower pace of life with lower competition.

Which places up north are recommended to live?

Sounds like my experience of Surrey / London but I’m in Somerset and it’s not over crowded. We walked for an hour today and saw 5 families. Never not been able to park and don’t give a crap about car unless it works (I know one competitive person but say “that’s lovely” then I change the subject.

I live southeast and getting fed up with it here.When my dd moves out I'd love to move somewhere else.

I’m from the UK (not London) live in London and have also lived in a few other places in Europe.

I love England. I love English people. YANBU (though possibly melodramatic) to feel the way you do. However YABU for doing nothing about it and just moaning on. Yawn!

You moved to a different culture but the languege is the same so it feels uncomfortable. I felt the same living in America but getting to know my neighbors and accepting them as different and interesting helped a lot.

**Hunny you can get to fuck with your last comment!!! NZ and Australia have some of the oldest and richest cultural histories in the world. It's just not white history. It was the white people who turned up and fucked everything.

Fuck you and your imperialist attitude**

You absolute 🤡 😂 wth has NZ or Australia contributed to history over the last few hundred years in comparison to Britain, you divvy?

I haven't read the entire thread but it's a topic very close to my heart as I have just moved from London to Auckland and I absolutely hate it.

I find it bland and 'samey'
People are superficially friendly but actually cliquey and unwelcoming
It is a very, very long way from anywhere
The cost of living is ASTRONOMICAL
Yet wages are low and logistically difficult for both parents to work
There are massive social issues including a disproportionate amount of domestic violence, poverty, teen suicide, drug abuse
Misogynistic culture

I know it's horses for courses and this is just my perception,

Your problem is whereabouts in the UK you live. I was born in South London and we lived here until the late 80s when property was becoming unaffordable, it was too busy and we felt that many people were judging others on cars, houses, jobs etc. We moved to the South West of the UK and a quieter less competitive life. More affordable property and a nicer lifestyle and luckily our jobs were transferable. I would not live anywhere else now.