to think selfish people just don't realise they're selfish

[chomalungma]

Because otherwise why would people act in a selfish way?

And yes - I am talking about loud music in the garden. Are people just oblivious to their actions and how they affect others?

Maybe they just don't give a shit?

I wonder how people become selfish.

I think some people don't realise.

Some people just don't give a shit.

I think people become selfish through some mix of genetics and upbringing like all personality traits.

Some people lack empathy and it doesn't even occur to them other people are a) around and b) might not like the same things they do.

Some people just don't care.

I think everyone perceives loud differently. If my neighbour is playing music then I am going to hear it unless she has it barley audible, I wouldnt say it is particularly loud.

I think if someone is playing something not to my taste it definitely seems louder too as I find it more irritating.

Obviously if someone 3 streets over is playing music and I can hear it then that must be really loud but otherwise its just part of summer if you live close to others.

I think a lot of selfish people assume that everyone else is like them, and believe if they're not then it's because they're bloody stupid by not doing what they want.

Every single day, this family have been out in the front garden and they bring out a loudspeaker from their house and play loud music.

Every. Single Day.

They largely do realise but don't care because....they're selfish.

A lot of people choose to live in terraced/attached housing and then expect their neighbors to be completely silent. Or quietly seeth about any noise instead of just politely asking them to keep it down.

My NDN have a 3 year old who we can hear jabbering on all day when the weather is nice and we are all in our gardens. Pre lockdown, people who visited us would comment on how irritating it was. I think it’s lovely! Also they play music sometimes, we play music sometimes and often we sing along to each other’s music. We both try to remember that we don’t live in the middle of nowhere and Therefore can’t expect total silence. If I do want a bit of peace I put my headphones in.

Next door neighbour-dat u?

Therefore can’t expect total silence

I don't expect total silence.
They are not the kind of people I would ask to politely turn it down.
There is a balance between total silence and loud noise.
Oh - and sometimes you don't get to choose where you live.

This is about 50m away. It's not next door.

Someone a few houses down from us plays music in their garden every day at the moment, from the 10am until 2am the next day. The woman at the house (a family lives there) screams and shouts like a fishwife and no one dares say anything to her. She is the first to moan at any noise though, and goes round shouting at other neighbours if their children make any noise in the garden or if their dog does one solitary bark!

Well of course - selfish people are so because they give no thought to the consequences of their actions on others, or give zero fucks even if they do realise the consequences.

Born or made? The debate on Nature/Nurture is ongoing. Personally I think a combination of both produces the worst examples.

I think some people just do stuff and see what happens..
I have to admit I sometimes would do this when younger - ie. Loud music late at night in my flat because hey, the neighbours might be out or just not care. But if they came banging on the door and told me to turn it off, I’d shit myself and do so😂
Other people just have this defensive type veneer of not giving a fuck. Can be good in some respects - not caring what people think of you etc. But can also be the type of person who would blast music in their garden because who gives a shit about what the neighbours think as they’re not their friends or anyone who’s opinion matters to said people. Or the type of person who for example, let’s their dog of the lead when it has no recall and bothers someone who doesn’t like dogs - because you want to let your dog off, and that person is a stranger who’s thoughts don’t matter.

It’s not so much selfishness as not giving a shit about what anyone thinks, iyswim ?

With regards to nature or nurture, all babies are born selfish and feeling like they're the centre of the world. It's the parents job to teach them from toddlerhood onwards to consider other people. Some parents never do this, thus a selfish child turns into a selfish adult and thinks the whole world revolves around them.

@chomalungma

There you have it. ‘They’re not the sort of people you’d ask to turn it down’ - they use their way of being - intimidating, hard etc - to get what they want. A lot of people live their lives this way.

I honestly believe that some people dont even realise that they are selfish. Unfortunately I have neighbours like this and they go day to day doing what they've always done and I dont think it even registers to them that what they are doing is selfish or inconsiderate. It's as if they are in their own little world.

Often when someone accuses someone else of being selfish, it's just that they have different standards.

In general people give where they would expect to get, but not everyone has the same expectations.

The people who have loud parties or play loud music shouldn't complain if you do the same. But that doesn't help you if you don't want to do the same.

Every single day, this family have been out in the front garden and they bring out a loudspeaker from their house and play loud music

Every. Single Day.

Ah, I'd have to retaliate. Something I think they would loathe (judging by the type of music they like to inflict on everyone). Brass band? Bagpipes? Max Bygraves ?

I think they do. There is a shitstain neighbour in our block who blasts his terrible music, has loud phone calls outside at all hours and drops his rubbish everywhere. He's currently on our local FB group pretending to be horrified at Covid 'snitches' and urging people to 'be kind'. He's clearly getting a huge kick out of thinking he's fooling everyone, so he must know.

Turn the hose on it. F......g idiots and we all know someone at the moment we could happily choke for being so selfish. Turn the noise down people and that includes screaming feral kids and lousy loud music.

I think it's 50/50 don't realise and don't care. We are all capable of being selfish at times and not thinking of others, but I think repeat offed enders feel entitled and don't care, although they may try and justify why they are always entitled.

If it helps, I absolutely lost my mind at my neighbours this afternoon after repeated bass offending that booms through my house after trying to be polite for a few weeks and asking nicely. They turned it down.
I think they have the belief that it's their garden so they can do it. I suppose it annoys me that no one else says anything. I tried to drum up some support from the other neighbour on a paritcularly bad day and he was so ' don't want any trouble...' so no one says anything, they think its ok and the cycle continues. I feel for you though. And I think it will probably carry on, because they also may just be scumbags

It's so difficult. There is an instinct to become louder
a) to try to drown them out
b) to let them know that you are there, and what the acoustics are like, i.e, if they can hear you, you can hear them, and
c) just to try to reclaim your own space
In the end it would just be like being in the pub where everything just gets louder and louder, just to make yourselves heard.
So many people seem to think they are "special", and just have no thought or consideration for others.

My terraced NDNs on my left, have had a not very socially distanced birthday party for a small boy.

The urban music was loud until about 10pm.

Today, they've got a smoky barbeque going outside the kitchen door - directly under the back bedroom windows, the music has been going since about 11am and now the NDNs on my right are kicking off with Eastern European folk pop.

I wonder how people become selfish.

Everyone is innately selfish. Unless you recognise your own selfish traits and think of others then you are probably seen as selfish too. We all are, at least to some extent.

We've been playing music in the garden today. Not loudly in my opinion. If a neighbour called round and said it was disturbing them I would be mortified and apologise profusely. perhaps you should just tell your neighbour.