to think selfish people just don't realise they're selfish

[chomalungma]

Because otherwise why would people act in a selfish way?

And yes - I am talking about loud music in the garden. Are people just oblivious to their actions and how they affect others?

Maybe they just don't give a shit?

I wonder how people become selfish.

Well selfish people only think about them self. So to realise they were being selfish, they’d have to think of the people around them. Which frankly, they don’t. YANBU

*A lot of people choose to live in terraced//attached housing.."

Ha ha ha. You do realise that a lot of people DON'T chjose this and they're in this type of housing because it tends to be the cheapest?

Talk about clueless.

Selfish people just don't CARE that they are selfish.

@wanderlust21 that’s a good way to put it

This is seriously pissing me off at the moment.
I'm a fairly tolerable person- we all make noise,we live in a built up area and it can't be helped.
But for the love of God,why do people think that other people want to listen to their tunes??
So, yesterday, I went to sit in the garden, to read and chill out.We live in a terraced house so have neighbours either side. One set of neighbours have been relentless with garden projects for weeks. The single guy to one side of us throws his french doors open and treats everyone to "is this the way to Amarillo" full blast. So I move to another part of the garden.....only for garden projects neighbour to start playing Status bloody Quo ! It was like a competition between them! I ended up back in the house.
At a time when we can't go out wandering, or clear off on holiday,our gardens are our sanctuaries,and it's just not fair.

COVID has definitely brought out a lot of selfishness. Plenty of folk with no health conditions or vulnerabilities preferring to 'do all they can to keep their family safe' by refusing to ever go out, but expecting others to put themselves at risk to bring them food and supplies - and non-essential Amazon deliveries.

You also see it when they have TV reports of floods and young, healthy adults will wait for a fireman to carry them through the flood, even though the water is less than waist-high.

Same OP. A house near me (not even in my road) seems to insist on Tunes every time we have a sunny day recently. In their front garden where it gets the sun. It is so loud that with all the windows shut in my house (a good 50 yards away) I can hear every word, and it is relentless pounding dance music till 11pm. I just don’t get it. It is so so selfish.

They sound awful, I feel for you OP! They also sound like the sort of people who if you asked them to keep it down would play it even louder! You cant reason with stupid, and I think alot of selfish people are just stupid - lacking empathy and awareness or simply don’t give a shit.

I wonder what other people think. I don't know many people on my street - but some of them look pretty hard TBH. I wonder if they've said anything?

A lot of people choose to live in terraced//attached housing.."

Hands up anyone who would choose that if money was not an issue.

One of my sisters is very selfish. I think she genuinely thinks she's a very special person, she's better than everyone else so what she wants to do is obviously right and the rest of us should be grateful to know her.

We don't get on ever so well.

One of my sisters is very selfish. I think she genuinely thinks she's a very special person, she's better than everyone else so what she wants to do is obviously right and the rest of us should be grateful to know her.

We have somebody like this in our family. The word 'narcissist' is overused on MN, and I wouldn't describe her that way at all, but, like a toddler, she does seem to live in a world where she is the centre and it just doesn't occur to her that other people aren't purely there to enable and ease her life.

It's not the way she was parented at all, as she has a sibling who has always been fiercely independent from a young age and reluctant to accept any offered help at all.

Of course they realise. They just don’t care

Ive come to wonder if I've been seen as one of these people... and ive only thought it since reading MN threads about this!

We go out in the garden, we've either had my phone or a camping radio playing 80s songs, I wouldn't say it loud (I actually turned it down because of MN!) But we live in terraced houses and I know the neighbours would hear it clearly.
My son (6) runs around talking ALL DAY (he talks none stop anyway)
Worst thing is Our German shepard, who is not getting his exercise or stimulation, and has a very loud bark, is now barking during the day at anything - us, birds, dogs - he can be so noisy he even gets on my nerves.
Unfortunately, lockdown is making it very difficult for everyone.
I am not a selfish person, but I can imagine that it might seem that way at the moment, I might add we have very good relationship with all my neighbours and they've never complained!

Frozenfan2019 - perhaps self regulate rather than expecting neighbours to become that pissed off that they have to say something - you are putting them in a position that they either have to put up with shit misc or confront you, all you need to do is go outside your space and see how loud it comes across and then be honest with yourself as to how intrusive it would be to someone else.

I think some people think 'I'm playing some really good music, so why would anyone mind?'

I have DC with lots of sensory divergence and different tolerance levels for all sorts of annoying habits and sounds. One especially is completely unaware that what he's doing or the noise he's making (including playing music/games) is even audible to anyone else. He has to be told that it's disturbing people and then he generally apologises and stops until he forgets again.

If your neighbours are used to a backdrop of music, they might not have considered that not everyone likes to live like that.

Or they might just be selfish cunts.

What is the difference between a loudspeaker and a speaker?

We played music in the garden on one of those little portable wireless speakers yesterday.

Is that not okay?

I think some people think 'I'm playing some really good music, so why would anyone mind?'

Yes, they think "Well, Ed Sheeran is great: everybody likes his music!"

They're a bit like the Thursday evening noise-makers who think "Well I value the NHS, I think that clapping, banging pots. playing bagpipes and letting off fireworks is a good thing and I don't have any young children to get to sleep, terrified pets or shift-workers in my house so I'll just go and knock on the door at number 62, as I'm sure they'll appreciate the opportunity to be encouraged to do the same".

The person I know would just think that his is the right way to do it.

He was once spouting on about how all teens (him being 30 years out of his teens) thought a particular way and liked a particular thing. My teen turned round and said that she definitely didn't, and she didn't believe her close friends did either. His response:
"You're wrong."

It's just how they are wired. DP absolutely cannot understand why everyone is not the same as him, despite 60years of evidence to the contrary

@chomalungma you can report theIt music as an environmental hazard to your LA if it's constant and causing you (and probably your neighbours) nuisance and distress.

@sunflowery as others have said: are you stupid or just clueless. Most people don't "choose" to live in terraced or attached housing - they live where they can afford to live. I would love to live in huge detached house by the sea far from any neighbours but until I win the lottery I'm stuck in my semi. Doesn't mean that I don't expect or deserve my neighbours to have a bit of consideration for those around them.

I agree with PPs: it's a mix
sometimes selfish people honestly don't think what they are doing is annoying (e.g. they are used to having music in the background all day so don't even notice it)
sometimes they just don't have the mental capacity to understand that other people might think differently to them
sometimes they realise they are being selfish but just don't care because doing what they want makes them happy

We go out in the garden, we've either had my phone or a camping radio playing 80s songs, I wouldn't say it loud (I actually turned it down because of MN!) But we live in terraced houses and I know the neighbours would hear it clearly

Don't mean to be rude, but that sounds like hell to me. Music out of a phone is piercing, annoying, and tinny. 80s was not my era for music, no idea about a camping radio.

I can put up with children playing, even dogs barking... they can't help it but I do think it is beyond selfish for people to play music in their garden assuming that everyone close to them wants to listen to it. They don't!

My NDN over the fence has 19 yo and 21yo and they play rap with a loud bass beat. We live in a very rural area and I hate hate hate it. It's horrendous.

The thing is.... I wouldn't dream of playing my music in the garden because I don't think it's fair on the NDNs. Unless I was having some sort of get together or party and then I would give them plenty of notice and tell them when it will start and when it will stop.

Why are people so selfish?

DP absolutely cannot understand why everyone is not the same as him

A lot of people are like this and it never seems to be the important differences in far-reaching and contentious opinions that they get angry about. They often won't take issue with people who proclaim that 'women shouldn't be allowed to work outside the home' or 'drink-driving is fine as long as you're careful and stick to minor roads'. What will really exercise them, though, is if they order a chocolate milkshake and somebody else prefers strawberry.

Ime selfish people lack empathy so don't ever get to the 'I wonder if X minds' - they never think beyond themselves imv.