To report to social services?

[Changedname78]

Just for a bit of history, DCs dad is very controlling ex army. We can’t talk at all and don’t agree on anything so talking isn’t an option. DC came back from contact covered in bruises, over 10 in total, some absolutely massive, a massive graze too! Apparently all from bike riding 🙄 I worry this has come from being pushed too hard and she’s done it trying to keep up with the army lifestyle. Also a history of situations like this ... being pushed too hard/controlled etc... problem is I doubt social services would do anything anyway!!! They’ve proved useless in the past? So do I just keep photos for future reference or report ? Or nothing 😕

Are you suggesting ges hurt her or have that come from bike riding. If the latter I cant see why youd involve social services?

Well does your daughter seem upset? Has she expressed any negative feeling or is she simply covered in bruises from bike riding and your possibly letting your dislike of your ex husband cloud your judgement? Because kids get bruised particularly active kids 🤷🏻‍♀️ So unless she has said ‘ I didn’t want to do it but dad kept pushing me’ then I’d just run her a bath and go about your night.

There's not a lot of point involving social services. You're the mum and can stop contact if you feel she is unsafe. What does DD say about the bruises?

If you think he inflicted these bruises then you must.
If you think he was somehow reckless in encouraging cycling then no, they would nit be interested.

I guess you need to factor in the age of your child, does she like outdoor activities and what the bruises look like

My 4 year olds legs currently have a dozen bruises of varying sizes because she is an absolutely mad women when we let her - climbing trees etc.

But for instance if a bruise is around her wrist, on her chest which is unlikely to be from.bike riding the yes.i would follow it up.

How do DC explain the bruises? When kids come up with stories I find implausible, I usually just pose comments for them to answer, such as, 'When I go bike riding, I don't come back covered in bruises...' Usually at that point they feel compelled to offer a better explanation. If they don't/respond non-verbally, I tend to go, 'If I were to guess, I'd say that xyz caused this. Am I right?'

How old is she and where does she say they came from? Kids do get a lot of bruises from activities like bike riding and general larking about TBF.

Agree with PP, can’t see get SC involved with this currently.

Are there any different agencies you have already been sign posted to?

The Dad is more adventurous and active and lets the child take more risks than the Mum. Result is - more bruises after contact with Dad. But it isn't abuse. It is a different parenting style. Some parents wrap children in cotton-wool - others let them, and encourage them to do risky things on bikes. So definitely it would be unreasonable to involve social services. sigh.

My ds's acquired various injuries under exh's care. Neither ss or Cafcass gave a shit..
Take pics, keep a diary. Accept dd's decisions if she wants to stop seeing him.
She is old enough to decide if necessary..

Me, I'd photo and file them.
BUT,importantly,how is she,how's her demeanor, and what's she's saying? Is she 'wearing her bruises/grazes with pride' like a great souvenir of a fab time? If so, let them crack on.. otherwise, tho, keep her at your home and all contact happens at or from your place. Only you/she can decide that.Anyway, that's what I'd do.

My 6 YO is always covered in bruises. I certainly don't push her to do dangerous things.

If these a minor injuries from bike riding then probably YABU. What does your daughter say about it?

@Wheresthebiffer2
Tbh that is what I wondered, does the situation cloud my judgement .. we are also very active and she does get bruises from bike rides etc but not like these. My main worry is how hard is she being pushed to get these as she’s never once had them here and like I said we are always outside.

They aren’t your normal bruises, they are massive.

Bruises and grazes where? In normal child falling off bike, tripping over places? Knees? Palms of hands? Elbows? Forearms?

How old is DC?

How did DC seem when you asked about the bruises? Nervous? Upset? Or very open? Unbothered?

I wish I could share the photos without it being too outing to show what I mean.

I have spoken to her but very hard to tell if she’s saying what I want to hear or not 🙁

How old is your dd?

1. But unfortunately has been in the middle of an awful co parenting relationship and many court hearings. Unfortunately the downside of that is she often feels torn between us and is a massive people pleaser as a result so getting her to stand up for herself and speak the truth can be quite hard. It also makes me worry my judgment is clouded because of it all too. That’s why I wanted a second opinion, but I think I’ll keep the photos and just keep an eye on her. Thanks

So where on her body are they ?

To be honest, she’s caught in the middle of a difficult custody battle/split. She comes home After bike riding and your questioning her bruises and taking pictures of her legs?

You say she’s only saying what you want to hear which I’m guessing means she’s saying she’s fine?

I don’t know, personally it sounds like you are projecting your negative feelings into this situation and you’re daughter is the one getting lost in it.

Child falls off bicycle and gets big bruises. It happens and they heal.
What they may find more difficult to cope with is being piggy in the middle of a power struggle between parents and having to be careful to tell you what you want to hear.

Agree with pps regarding keeping the photos/ dates etc.
Not sure about “reporting “ to social services but you are certainly entitled to contact them for support if you have concerns about your daughter and her relationship with her father.

Bruises on legs are ok but elsewhere not really. Where are the bruises?

If she were in school now, the school would have seen the bruises and raised a safeguarding concern. The safeguarding teams are still available in schools so contact them for advice if you are not sure about going through SS.

Ultimately, reassure your daughter that she has done nothing wrong. School may wish to speak to her and that is no bad thing if she feels able to tell them what has happened without worrying that she is sobbing either one of her parents in.

Are you able to discuss the bruises with her father.
Just wondered how you would feel if he reported you to social services for something you didn’t think was a concern.
The outfall for your daughter could be potentially awful and you might wish he had tried to broach the subject with you first.