Please tell me if I'm being ridiculously petty

[mucka]

I genuinely don't know. I'll try and be really brief.

DP has children with ex DP.
She's made it very clear that she doesn't like me.
She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my DS (not bio to my DP), for no reason.

DP is doing home visits while on lockdown to their house.

DP plans to bring our tiny baby with him at the weekend.

I'm very aware that quickly they'll be bored of a tiny baby that doesn't do anything and will just want to play with their dad (fair enough).

However, with how my preschooler has been spoke about especially, I am not comfortable with her watching my baby while they play.
In fact, honestly, I'm not comfortable with her interacting with my baby at all.

Is this ridiculously petty? Do I sound like the pettiest person ever to tell him this?
Or am I in my right? I don't know. I don't want to be a petty person but I'm just not comfortable with it.

They've been completely shielded so he'd argue there's no chance of baby contracting anything.

and your baby needs shielding from toxic vibes 🤷‍♀️ so no, its not happening

I'd just say that you're not comfortable with the baby being in her home. She doesn't want her kids in yours, why should you be comfortable with your child in hers?

Absolutely keep baby home. They can visit when the situation changes. He shouldn't even be asking about taking baby there.

Yes, it's really not a good idea to take baby out in this circumstances, let alone mix with other people. Why would your dh wants to risk it? There will be lots of times when dh's children can interact with their half sibling later when it's safer.

It’s his baby too. The baby is the brother of his other kids. You’re getting two issues confused. You don’t want him there because his ex said something mean about your son. She was in the wrong. Not letting a father take one child to meet his siblings is also wrong.

Baby's ain't allowed to go. You're allowed to go between houses if it's between two parents. She's not the baby's parents so tell them to stick it

Could you all go to ex DP house, you and DS wait outside whilst DP introduces the new baby to the children for 5 minutes, then you take the baby home?

his ex has just said she'd be more comfortable with DP going there. He didn't argue.

Then he also shouldn't have a problem with the far more understandable answer from you, which is that you're not comfortable with your TINY baby going anywhere without you.

This would be an instant no from me.

No way on earth would my tiny baby be away from me and in the presence of somone who didn't like me.

No.

And, if you have a child together now, I suggest you start putting your foot down with this divide and conquer nonsense she seems to be playing.

No way on earth would I be happy to be excluded from MY baby being taken somewhere to meet someone, because I wasn't welcome.

Baby and mother come as a package. If she doesn't like you and won't acknowledge you, she won't be meeting your baby.

If he wants HIS children to meet their sibling, he needs to state that they, like anyone else, will be welcome to come to BABY'S home where BABY AND MUM are based.

She does not get to call the shots here. The joint parent to the baby and the siblings is your DP.

They meet at your DP's home.

It will another way to exclude your ds. The baby is a brother but your ds doesn't count apparently. You're not being petty at all.

You’re not being petty. I wouldn’t want him taking my baby round there either. I get that he wants his other children to meet the baby but in the current circumstances I’d say no to that happening, especially as his ex has a bad attitude towards you (not great) and your preschool child (beyond ridiculous and pathetic of her).

Why is it only women who can't claim their own children? You never hear men getting corrected...

Keep your baby at home with you. Someone is really saying you don't have a reason to stop it?! Very few women would be comfortable with their newborn baby being taken into a potentially hostile environment with the other parents likely to be distracted and not watching them constantly. The siblings can meet and bond when it's safe, and in a safe way.

She’s not comfortable with her children coming to you, your not comfortable with you bay going to her, tell your DP it’s not one rule for her and another for you

This. He can show his child the new baby by video call, just as families all over the world are having to do. Much better anyway as then it can end after 5 minutes when all kids get bored / fussy.

No. Baby doesn’t go to their house. Absolutely no need. Baby stays in his own house. Stand firm on this one OP.

No, no, no.

Nope. If she doesn't like your son, why would she be any nicer to your new baby?
Dp needs to grow a bigger pair.

I don't think your dp should be taking a tiny baby to visit another household right at the moment in any case, even if there were no other issues in play.

Hell no. Baby stays with you. You wouldn’t let baby out your sight at the moment even with grandparents and your best friend, but someone who openly hates you? Fuck that.

Completely understandable .

Sorry but over my dead body would my tiny baby be going anywhere near DP vindictive ex-wife.

I’m really annoyed for you that he seems to be just going along with this nonsense idea of hers, what is he playing at?

To quote a Mumsnet classic ‘no is a complete sentence’ this is baffling.

Of course baby should meet their siblings. At ops house. There is no reason for baby to go to his exes house. For me even if baby weren’t teeny it would be clear cut. My children will not be treated differently, therefore my youngest does not get to hang out with a woman who is nasty about my older child. This would be absolutely non negotiable.