Please tell me if I'm being ridiculously petty

[mucka]

I genuinely don't know. I'll try and be really brief.

DP has children with ex DP.
She's made it very clear that she doesn't like me.
She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my DS (not bio to my DP), for no reason.

DP is doing home visits while on lockdown to their house.

DP plans to bring our tiny baby with him at the weekend.

I'm very aware that quickly they'll be bored of a tiny baby that doesn't do anything and will just want to play with their dad (fair enough).

However, with how my preschooler has been spoke about especially, I am not comfortable with her watching my baby while they play.
In fact, honestly, I'm not comfortable with her interacting with my baby at all.

Is this ridiculously petty? Do I sound like the pettiest person ever to tell him this?
Or am I in my right? I don't know. I don't want to be a petty person but I'm just not comfortable with it.

As for why they're not coming here, his ex has just said she'd be more comfortable with DP going there. He didn't argue.

They've been completely shielded so he'd argue there's no chance of baby contracting anything.

Meep baby home. Ridiculous to take the baby to another household.

And deal with your partner. What does he do about his ex when she speaks that way? Also does she say those things directly to you? To him? To the children?

@LemonTT
Oh god I hate people like you. It is HER baby, she can say MY baby. As can he. He can describe his baby as HIS BABY!! 🙄 Christ on a bike

@mucka whether he goes there or they come to you, surely the risk is still the same?? If he’s picked something up at your house, he’ll just take it there?
I really don’t think your being unreasonable and I would definitely be saying no.

The children can come to yours then.

Not petty at all. Hell will freeze over before my step kids mum gets within miles of our baby.

You may be equal parents but you’re looking out for the well-being of the baby and sadly it’s father isn’t.

Keep saying it’s better for the kids if he gets their full attention and they can see the baby when they're back staying at yours.

If they’re shielding he shouldn’t be going there at all!

@Poppyfleur

I’m not saying that she can’t make that decision. But she didn’t give it as a reason. That’s your reason for stopping it. She gave an entirely different one.

In case you want to know I would make that decision based on that risk. But not on the grudge with the children’s mother and partners ex. Because restrictions will change and this situation won’t.

They should be coming to you. I'd say there's no problem meeting their sibling, at your house. No need to take a tiny baby out during a pandemic to another household, one which has actively been nasty toward your other child.

Can facetime you with the baby?

They've been completely shielded so no chance of baby contracting anything

That isn't correct. They must have been out for shopping, exercise and what not, your dp is moving between the 2 homes and I assume going out at other times? Children can carry the virus with no symptoms and could pass it to your baby. Tiny babies are vulnerable.

Stand firm, they can meet the baby at your home at a later date. Apart from all that; a tiny baby will not be happy separated from it's mother.

You're not being unreasonable. For now, the dc will have to make do with some photos or a video of the baby.

No way would I let that happen. If he respects his ex’s decision that their kids stay at hers then he should respect your decision that your kids stay at yours.

You simply use his exes words:

"I'm not comfortable with my DC going there"

@SmileyClare no shopping, no exercise!

And yes why is your DP so happy to accept that his ex doesn't want their children leaving her home but can't accept that from you about your baby?

Just what? Why would he agree to this? it's really odd to take your dc, and why would she be involved with looking after your dc?

It would be ok if you were all amicable, but that's not the case.

You have a DP problem.

Definitely leave baby with you . Why would you let the baby go there? Also is it wise to be mixing households?

She’s not comfortable with her children coming to you, your not comfortable with you bay going to her, tell your DP it’s not one rule for her and another for you

I wouldn’t let my tiny baby go anywhere without me, I’m baffled as to why this is even a discussion. His children come to you or not at all.

If we take the pandemic out of the equation here then it would be unreasonable for the OP to say he couldn’t take the baby.

If they’re shielding then no,they won’t have been out for shopping or exercise, maybe the ex has kept the kids with her to make things easier for the OP having just had a baby?

In what way has she made it apparent that she doesn’t like you, and what exactly has she said about your other DC?

FWIW people can dislike/be unpleasant about some but that doesn’t mean they would intend harm to their children.

My eXH’s partner dislikes me intensely, but if I had a baby there’s no reason why I wouldn’t trust her to watch it.

Baby stays home until the children can come to yours.

No, you're not being petty at all if you don't feel comfortable with her being in charge of your little one. I agree with PP who've suggested using the virus as an excuse to keep the baby home.

Well your Dp sounds like such a fucking wet lettuce that if you simply say "I'm not comfortable with our child going anywhere at the moment - just like your ex", I doubt he's got the balls to argue with you.

@LemonTT, how do you know they are equal parents? He might do fuck all parenting of the baby.

Aside from it just being silly to criticise someone for saying 'my baby' about their baby.

I'm confused then. Why are they shielding? (No shopping, no exercise) but then wanting to mix households? Unless your household has been in complete isolation then it defeats the purpose of shielding.

It's a moot point though if you're not comfortable with tiny baby going there. Say not yet, it's too early, baby's too small.

Some of my fellow citrus fruits need to get a grip.