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Original poster

Please tell me if I'm being ridiculously petty

121 replies

mucka · 08/05/2020 09:42

I genuinely don't know. I'll try and be really brief.

DP has children with ex DP.
She's made it very clear that she doesn't like me.
She's also made it very clear that she doesn't like my DS (not bio to my DP), for no reason.

DP is doing home visits while on lockdown to their house.

DP plans to bring our tiny baby with him at the weekend.

I'm very aware that quickly they'll be bored of a tiny baby that doesn't do anything and will just want to play with their dad (fair enough).

However, with how my preschooler has been spoke about especially, I am not comfortable with her watching my baby while they play.
In fact, honestly, I'm not comfortable with her interacting with my baby at all.

Is this ridiculously petty? Do I sound like the pettiest person ever to tell him this?
Or am I in my right? I don't know. I don't want to be a petty person but I'm just not comfortable with it.

OP posts:
ANoiseAnnoys · 08/05/2020 10:36

Sounds like she is threatened by you/jealous OP. Insisting your DP goes there - wtaf??? I wouldn’t be happy about that at all and no way in hell would my newborn be going round there!

I know this is nosy but were you the OW?

Stand up to your DP - baby stays with you. Oh, and what about when lockdown lifts - is she still going to insist your DP goes round there cos she’s “not comfortable?” Sounds very fishy to me.

Mapril · 08/05/2020 10:37

WickedlyPetite has said what I was going to say. He’s a pushover, so just tell him that the baby isn’t going with.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/05/2020 10:37

It doesn’t matter if they have been completely shielded. This is about what is best for your baby. Your dp is deferring to his ex and pandering to her insecurities for the sake of their joint children yet refusing to think about the needs of your joint child. Your baby needs to stay with you. He is making a choice for the children not to meet him / her by going along with this. The argument that both parents have an equal say in this situation is a red herring for this isn’t a parenting issue but one of safety and security of a tiny baby.

BasinHaircut · 08/05/2020 10:38

Nope, not petty. I can tell you for free that my newborn (fictitious) would be going nowhere at the moment, especially without me. Certainly not to my DP’s ex’s house given that she clearly still had his bollocks in a vice-like grip for whatever reason. I just wouldn’t be comfortable that he would have any control over the baby.

Bookoffacts · 08/05/2020 10:39

I have an ex partner who has a new wife and baby.
I'm barely allowed to say hello to the baby when I rarely see her and baby, at pickups of my child for their weekends.

It's ludicrous that I would be let to babysit said child. Nothing wrong with me btw, but she hates me. Men turn their new partners against their old ones. He's abusive.

It's setting off alarm bells with me that you think a fully justified situation on your part, in a pandemic, is petty.
Sorry but I think your DP is potentially abusive and definitely gaslighting you.

Baby stays with mother. Meet siblings with you there too. Do not leave your baby in the care of a woman who hates you.

Velvian · 08/05/2020 10:39

Just to be pedantic, if he's a DP and the baby is not registered yet, he doesn't even have parental responsibility. Hope the baby has your name, op.

DrinkingInTheNightGarden · 08/05/2020 10:41

The primary issue you have is the continuous use of the phrase my baby

That's not a thing. The end.

Unravellingslowly · 08/05/2020 10:41

Has tiny baby had any vaccinations? Just wondering if that’s an angle you could use.

onalongsabbatical · 08/05/2020 10:41

How tiny is tiny? Just the thought of your tiny baby being taken away against your better judgement seems wrong OP.

Chewbecca · 08/05/2020 10:43

I'm not sure why your DP would take the baby to his ex's.
It makes far more sense for his children to visit their Dad at his home.

RuggerHug · 08/05/2020 10:44

Just say that if he's going over to be with his DCs with ex, and they've all been in together this whole time, that his ex probably has enough stuff she wants to get done (even if it's just hiding upstairs for a bit in silence) and won't want that time taken away by having to watch someone else's baby.

Timekeeper1 · 08/05/2020 10:44

I don't understand. Your post isn't really giving much info. How old is the baby? Newborn? How old is your other baby? How old are his kids with her?

Why does he even want to take a baby over there?

edwinbear · 08/05/2020 10:45

How old is your baby OP out of interest?

Regardless, your baby stays with you. If he wants his DC to meet your new baby they need to come to you. If his ex isn’t comfortable with that, that’s for him & her to sort out.

ponchek · 08/05/2020 10:47

No way my tiny baby would leave me and go round to hostile ex wife in pandemic. Period.

Jointhecircus · 08/05/2020 10:48

Not petty at all. If his kids are desperate to see the baby they come to yours. Otherwise, they just see their dad. That is certainly not an unreasonable stance to take.

cheeseycracker · 08/05/2020 10:49

How old is tiny baby?

Have the sibling met baby yet? If not I can understand him wanting to take it but I really think they should come to you

If they have met then baby should stay home, this is time for your dp to spend time with his children he presumably hasn't seen for a while and he won't be able to do that fully with babe in arms

Satsuma2019 · 08/05/2020 10:51

I don’t think you are being unreasonable OP. I would not feel comfortable my new baby going to my DP ex house. You clearly are not amicable not just that but I was quite an anxious FTM and was always worried about the baby being held properly and there was a few times when younger family members were trying to walk around with baby and it just worried me...

SlowDown76mph · 08/05/2020 10:52

Just say no.

MintyMabel · 08/05/2020 10:53

I think you are being petty with your reasons for not allowing the baby to go over there. I think you know there isn't any risk to your baby, it's just that the ex has pissed you off.

However, the most obvious reason to say no is, it is against the guidelines for lockdown. It would be stretching the allowances they've made for children living between two parents to the absolute limit, if not breaking it completely.

His kids can meet their step sibling after lockdown. There is no benefit to the baby to meet them and that's why the allowances were put in place.

CarolefeckinBaskin · 08/05/2020 10:59

I personally wouldn't use the unvaccinated baby angle, it's of no relevance to baby being at risk of C19 or a bitchy ex.
Not unless his dc with his ex have not been immunised in which case I most certainly wouldn't want a tiny baby close to them yet.
I would be happy for the dc to come to you but no way would I allow him to take the baby.
Stand your ground op.

CloudyVanilla · 08/05/2020 11:01

No way would I allow this but no way would my DP expect it if he were in your dps shoes

Gawdsake2020 · 08/05/2020 11:01

Why would you want to risk your tiny baby catching COVID19? Bit weird for him to take your child to his exes house when she has a bad attitude towards you, why can’t his kids come to yours?

LizzieLoafer · 08/05/2020 11:05

He should be spending quality time with his other DC and won't be able to do that if he takes the baby every time.

They might want their dad to themselves now and again.

onalongsabbatical · 08/05/2020 11:07

She's not being petty ffs she's just upset because she's bonded with the baby and is uncomfortable with the baby going.

Gncq · 08/05/2020 11:07

I'm basically with you OP.
Hell would freeze over before I'd let MY tiny baby be looked over by the ex.

Just say the same as ex, "I'm not comfortable with that".

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