I think it's unacceptable to go through a teenagers phone

[orangedod]

Am I the only one? I hope I'm not the only one.

I see so many threads and hear so many mums talking about going through teenagers phones and I really disagree with it.

I completely understand about keeping them safe but to me it seems like a major invasion of privacy. I know full well that my mum never went through mine and there was a massive trust there.

What's everyone's stance on this? Am I alone in my opinion?

A lot of kids are ahead of the game technology wise and it’s often hard to find what they have been up to!

I know someone who idly picked up her 15 year old dd's phone and had a look. It transpires that her child had been groomed for months by a man in his late 20s. He had met her for sex in hotels. He is in prison.
Her parents will never forgive themselves for allowing this to happen to her. They trusted her. They had the talks. They felt they would invade her privacy if they looked at her phone. She gave no outward sign that she was in such danger. They wish with every bone in their bodies that they could turn the clock back. They are involved in groups dealing with the same fall out they are dealing with. Not a single one of those parents ever thought it would happen to their child.

They had no idea idea she was having sex in hotels.🤔I have a 15 year old, she goes to school and comes home. She does homework every night. She goes into town with friends at the weekend.School would ring me if she left. Frankly I think any parent who didn’t know where their 15 was multiple times has bigger problems than snooping on a phone will solve.

As someone who works with teenagers, I hear all sorts regarding phone use and technology use. I don't think some of their parents know half of what some teenagers look at / do online.

I'm not sure permissive parenting has the outcome the best mates parents want.

Not snooping on phones doesn’t mean you’re a permissive parent.

She met him on Saturday afternoons for an hour. Simple to do when you are 15 and allowed to go to town to buy makeup, clothes, shoes...

@Fi3ldTrip - could you swear hand on heart that you know where your 15 year old is every minute she is out of your sight with her friends?

Yes because I track her when in the city, know her friends and she wouldn’t have the time by the time she’d got the bus, been shopping and come back. She’s rarely out other times as has loads of homework and is happy doing stuff at home with the bit of free time she has.

@Fi3ldTrip i simply cannot get my head around the fact that you are fine tracking your child's whereabouts (because safety) and not checking their phone (because privacy)

So it's amusing that anyone else thinks they know all their child's classmates, but you know for a fact you know all their friends.

Ok then.

It's highly amusing that someone thinks that checking a phone is a disgusting privacy breach that damages trust, but thinks tracking said phone is ok.

I track my husband too. We all use find my iPhone to see where we are. It’s useful. My dd catches the bus with her friends and gets picked up by us or their parents. They’d be upset if she disappeared for an hour. No point snooping on her phone for safety, destroys trust and you will simply not see what you want to see.

It seems to me that a lot of parents who don’t/wouldn’t check their dcs phones see it as a comment on their relationship with their child or feel like doing this would somehow reflect badly on their parenting. They say things like my dc know they can come to me with anything and I trust my child. It’s not about us though or how we want to see ourselves as parents, it’s about our children’s safety. I think it’s really foolish to assume that because of how you parent, your child won’t come to (or indeed cause) any harm on SM.

You can have a really great kid - works hard at school, helps out at home, nice to everyone and honest to a fault but she’s still a teenager who will sometimes go along with the crowd, do something on impulse, trust someone she shouldn’t, give in to peer pressure. It’s just the nature of being a teen, they’re not always the most logical and rational of people!

Your child can fuck up or find themselves in a tricky situation they didn’t see coming. It doesn’t mean they’re untrustworthy nor is it an indictment on your parenting, they’re just not fully cooked yet and still need some protecting. Their safety should come ahead of their privacy which in any case is surely something that is granted incrementally as children get older and more mature.

Sorry @Fi3ldTrip I'm not sure what point you think you're making but in my opinion you're just making yourself look silly now... you track your children and HUSBAND's whereabouts on your phone.... yet the importance of checking your children's social media activity eludes you

Protecting them from the outside world just isn't enough any more. Hopefully parents will realise this soon and catastrophes such as the ones mentioned on this thread can become more recognisable and more rare

I'll never teach my DDs that being tracked by their partner is wise habit to start.

Its nit so much my children I dont trust its other children. Children can be mean.

Yep when I’m driving round I can see where they are for pick up, when she’s got off the bus I can check she made it. It’s great makes life easier.

You can’t check social media, they have conversations that disappear and don’t stay on their phones. They don’t use Facebook. They erase history of anything dodgy online.

Couldn’t disagree more strongly. Teenagers need protection and parenting as much, if not more, than younger children. Teens do very silly things and can be inconsequential.
Ours were not allowed unsupervised social media and knew I checked their phones regularly. It helped us intervene and prevent serious problems a couple of times. I actually think parents not having good oversight of where their children are and who they are communicating with is negligent.
I don’t know any under 16s who had unsupervised and unlimited access. The idea is just daft and too laissez faire for words.

So how are you supervising conversations that have disappeared before you see them?

Totally acceptable with their knowledge - it will be a condition of my child getting a phone when he starts high school. He is far too young to navigate all that so much social access can entail. As a parent it's my job to help him.

For a start not allowing a twelve year old to download an app where the conversations disappear!!

You can’t check social media, they have conversations that disappear and don’t stay on their phones. They don’t use Facebook. They erase history of anything dodgy online.

Speak for your own child. Instagram and Facebook are the two most commonly used social media apps here. Followed by WhatsApp

Never done it. Don't agree with it. Total invasion of privacy.

Once many years ago there was a problem, we looked through his phone together, I took screenshots, sent it to HoY.

Totally agree
Don't do something to a teenager that you would not do to another adult

We found out that our 6ft tall very confident son was being bullied and someone was threatening to stab him if he didn't take his own life.

Stick invasion of privacy, it's about keeping them safe and making sure their interactions are appropriate.

Our take on it is if it's something they have issues with us seeing it's more than likely something they shouldn't be doing or are frightened of us seeing.

My DD is only 11 & I've told her not to write anything on messages that she wouldn't want her Dad or me to read. Same for photos etc & we've talked through various dangers.

I think younger teens (under 16) need to be kept safe & to me that means limited privacy (messages/online) not physical, obviously they need that!