I think it's unacceptable to go through a teenagers phone

[orangedod]

Am I the only one? I hope I'm not the only one.

I see so many threads and hear so many mums talking about going through teenagers phones and I really disagree with it.

I completely understand about keeping them safe but to me it seems like a major invasion of privacy. I know full well that my mum never went through mine and there was a massive trust there.

What's everyone's stance on this? Am I alone in my opinion?

All the parents who say they check, you do realise they may have secret snapchat, instagram accounts that you'll never see. Foster trust and don't snoop. It's totally ineffective apart from anything else.

I go through mine sometimes! I also don't allow them to go out and get drunk, or stay out all night and other responsible parenting stuff.

I would only check a young teenagers phone if I had real concerns over something. I wouldn't check just because.

I would think the stricter the checking the more reason teenagers would have to have secret SM accounts.

You might not 'allow' them to go out and get drunk. Doesn't mean they won't though.

Portobello. If a child of mine created a secret account I will find out and they will lose their phone. I'm all for fostering trust, I don't trust the people who could be grooming them. Kids have a phone only if they abide by my rules, if they don't they lose their phone.

You need to have a conversation with them about the dangers of the internet. Of course it implies distrust if you are checking up on them with no reason and they are more likely to hide things from you if you are constantly checking up on them. It's very easy to delete things as you go so if they know you are going to check they will make sure there is nothing for you to see. If you think by checking their phone you are seeing everything they are doing you are mistaken. You need to show you trust them until you have a reason not to.

As a teacher of teenagers, I couldn't disagree with you more.

A 13 year old child in the town I live in was being groomed via Instagram by a 30 odd year old paedophile.

Luckily she ended up telling her parents when he started trying to meet him with her. He ended up being caught by one of those protection groups.

She is a quiet, studious child. It can happen to anyone.

There is a huge difference between 13/14year olds than 17/18year olds. It is your duty as a parent to protect them in the world of social media.

My 10yo is younger than the age group you refer to obviously but I check his phone and will continue to for a while yet. He’s got an old iPhone 6 and I had locked it down yet today I caught him reading an article from HuffPo about dating during corona (including how the writer was having video sex on the second “date” due to them both being lonely and horny - he swears he didn’t read that far but I don’t know)... it was from the News app; I checked settings again and News was set to ‘clean’ content only but that isn’t especially clean to me 🤷‍♀️ so I disabled the app. My point is, I was in the same room as him and he was supposed to be on white rose maths (!) and he could access that content; lord knows what hardcore shit he could find if he was a little older and knew what to look for, or was actively searching for that, etc. Like a pp I would never read his diary, and I v rarely go into his room if he’s not there, so it’s not about privacy; it’s about protecting him from the evils from the internet whilst allowing the good.

All the parents who say they check, you do realise they may have secret snapchat, instagram accounts that you'll never see. Foster trust and don't snoop. It's totally ineffective apart from anything else.

You can foster trust and still check. Both things have their place

They don't need secret accounts if they can trust you not to go over-the-top with normal teenage behaviour and respect their right to make mistakes, but it also means that you can protect them when it gets out of hand

Who is accountable for a teenager?
18 or under? - parents, so they have every right to monitor phone, laptop, iPad...(name your device)

All the parents who say they check, you do realise they may have secret snapchat, instagram accounts that you'll never see. Foster trust and don't snoop. It's totally ineffective apart from anything else

I think that is a very good point.

I don't agree. Coming from someone who was groomed as a child my parents never checked mine. Teenagers can be vulnerable, naive, sneaky, deceitful and silly so they need checking up on. They do not always understand risks. A random check of their social media and phone could save a lot of abuse and even lives .

As an addition to my post below, I disagree with doing it behind their backs. And it would be as an accompaniment to honest discussion on the dangers and why it is necessary.

How on earth do you? Whose teen would give their mum their password?

I knew someone who still monitored her child’s communication when the child was at university. That is a bit too strict......

Completely depends on the age, but I don't think you should go through a teenagers phone without a valid reason, eg. you fear for their safety

@Fi3ldTrip as a condition of having the phone in the first place. They can have a phone if they allow you to check. If they don't allow it, they don't have a phone. Their choice.

I am also glad the majority of people are or will check, the world can be a scary place and some teenagers like myself growing up had to learn the hard way. Please read into the child sex rings that have been uncovered in the UK over the years, hopefully u will think differently. It's not an invasion of their privacy it's keeping or trying to keep them safe.

I am in charge of safeguarding in a secondary school. I very strongly disagree with your OP.

I could retire now if I had a penny for every time parents have told me they would never go through their child's phone, they don't need to because their child tells them everything, they've had lots of chats about online safety, "it's all about trust" etc...then it's fallen to me to tell them about something significant going on in their DC's life they had no clue about (issues ranging from the concerning to the downright devestating) that they would have known about and could have helped or potentially prevented altogether if they'd been monitoring their phone/internet use.

It's not an invasion of privacy, it's responsible parenting.

I agree with you OP
If you raise your children to come to you about anything and you talk often, then there is no need to violate their privacy.
In fact, snooping on their phones/email/ accounts will just cause them to be more secretive and less likely to tell you about anything that could be bothering them.

It was an explicit condition for getting their phones. All passwords to be shared and phones subject to spot checks until age 16.

Smart phones are not a benign item, and online security is an important matter. I wouldn't give a younger teen unfettered connectivity, any more than I'd loose a younger child unsupervised in a city centre.

How on earth do you? Whose teen would give their mum their password?

If they don't then they lose the phone

Mine have grumbled about it occasionally, but have never changed their passcode without telling me because they know when I say "If I can't access it you don't get it" I mean it.

How on earth do you? Whose teen would give their mum their password?

A teen whose mum is paying for their phone contract. You make it a condition of them having the phone in the first place.

I think I was part of the generation that had unlimited access to the internet but virtually no parental guidance because it was all quite new (tween/teen in the naughties). As a result I saw way too much online, way too young. It’s massively affected lots of different aspects of my personality and like a lot of people my age I have had a really unhealthy relationship with sex in the past due to overexposure to porn culture way before we could understand it. I don’t want that to happen to my children. The idea of children having some of the experiences I did at such a young age horrifies me.