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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the nursery dd is going to is HORRIBLE?

36 replies

Lentils · 17/09/2007 21:29

We live in an area that is "up and coming" and dd just started at a nursery that is basically on an estate and gets surestart funding because the area is considered deprived. I always thought of myself as pretty open minded and liberal, but I really hate this nursery even though its only been a few days. It gets me down that at least a quarter of the class are already overweight, that the parents openly scream at their children, and are generally for lack of better word "chav-y" and the children themselves seem really rough already. Am I just being a snob? Will it get better?

OP posts:
Scanner · 17/09/2007 21:32

Yes - you are being a snob, but didn't you go and look at the nursery before your dd started?

There'll be a whole load of people coming on next telling you that chav isn't a good term to use and you are being unreasonable, but if I were you I'd never set foot in the place again. I know I'm a snob though

moljam · 17/09/2007 21:33

if you dont like it dont send your dd,simple.

MerlinsBeard · 17/09/2007 21:35

did you not go and see it before she went? If i disliked somewhere my childrens school or nursery when i looked then i wouldn't send them.

you are being incredibly snobby, find a nursery where you think the children are the right size(wtf?) and where the parents have no voices and go and be happy in your world away from "chavs"

chankins · 17/09/2007 21:37

IMO its not snobbish to dislike screaming at children within the nursery setting, and its not snobbish to dislike very young children already being overweight. Chav is just a new word for what people used to call rough, etc. You're not being a snob, you just don't like the place or the people going there, and so find somewhere else you'll be happier with.

corblimeycharlie · 17/09/2007 21:37

Do you think your DD will be well looked after and stimulated in this nursery? That would concern me most. Don't ignore your instincts though. If you are not happy find somewhere you both like.

PeachesMcLean · 17/09/2007 21:39

Depends on how well the staff manage the place, how well the children are taught good eating habits in school (what are they given at snack time for instance), how good the behaviour is in school etc.

Having said that, peer relationships are important as children grow up, so whilst yes, you are being snobby, I'm snobby too.

Original poster
Lentils · 17/09/2007 21:40

I did go see it first, and had misgivings from the start, but dh convinced me that with 3 yos it doesn't matter. Plus, it's very convenient for us and it got really good reviews from neighbours. I personally think it's SAD to see an overweight 3/4 yo because in the majority of cases it means the parents are stuffing them with rubbish.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lentils · 17/09/2007 21:42

PeachesMcClean--this is what I'm worried about. The peer relationships. I think a child's peers can be even more influential in certain cases than the parents, so really wondering if we should just pay to go elsewhere.

OP posts:
chankins · 17/09/2007 21:43

I agree with you - it is sad.

PeachesMcLean · 17/09/2007 21:47

Are you planning for DD to go through the whole school with the same children, or is it just nursery?

Original poster
Lentils · 17/09/2007 21:48

Just nursery. It's not attached to a specific primary school.

OP posts:
Jennifer8 · 17/09/2007 21:50

It sounds horrible. yanbu

imvho...

professorplum · 17/09/2007 21:52

I wouldn't want my dcs to be in an environment where it was considered ok for people to scream at each other. Not sure if that makes me a snob or not. (I think I am a snob generally )

Are they actually screaming in a way that you consider abusive or is it more like loud talking in a way that you think shows a lack of decorum (sp?).

Tbh where ever you send them to nursery, a few of the kids are going to be obese. Around 10% of 2-3 year olds are obese and around 25% are overweight (including obese). This shouldn't impact on your sons experience at all. It may be that the overweight children are given a bad diet at home but they are hardly going to bring their dinner in with them and insist that your dc eats it.

Generally surestart funded nurserys have very good facilities.

PeachesMcLean · 17/09/2007 21:56

In that case, if she's not staying, and so long as it's only the peer relationships yu're worried about, I'd be tempted to stick with it. It would be unsettling for her to move again, I guess. My DS had the most awful childminder at the age of 3 but we changed after the school year finished and at that age, there was really no impact on him. Focus on where you want her to go to primary.

blueshoes · 17/09/2007 22:04

lentils, it is just a few sessions for a limited period? Does dd like it?

I could overlook it the answer to the above were yes.

My dd and ds go to full time nursery - I would pull them out of that environment. I know what you are describing. I think that attitude (screaming, mocking children) is not fair on little ones. And they grow up with a certain hardness in their attitude, sadly.

1crazymumof2 · 17/09/2007 22:16

How does your DD seem when you go to collect her? Have you seen how the staff interact with the other parents, or children when they display undesirable behaviour? Surely if the staff are good and your DD is happy then thats all that matters. I know a lot of people who feel that if they send their DC's to a nursery in an affluent area then it will follow that they associate with other DC's with more desirable behaviour.This has never been the case.

There are quite a few people at my DS nursery that sound similar to those you've described, i've just accepted that i will never be organinsing meeting these people for a chat or swapping numbers!

Also it may be good for your DD to see other people to those she's familiar to. Vive la difference!

fishie · 17/09/2007 22:29

does your dd enjoy nursery? you haven't said anything about how the nursery is run, presumably it must be pretty good. i live in a sure start area, most provision is excellent. do you have good state schools in the area?

Isababel · 17/09/2007 22:39

I would find her another nursery, no matter the motive, if you dislike the nursery that is not the place for you.

I wouldn't care about the overweight children, if my DS grows to learn there's more to people than their external apeareance, fantastic. That's the child I would be proud to have, not one that think that people are not good enough because they don't look right.

Now, the screaming parents would make me run a mile!

minouminou · 17/09/2007 23:33

i was a bit shocked when i got a brochure from a nursery near chorlton (manchester) which had a code of conduct section advising parents not to threaten, intimidate, or be violent towards kids, other parents, or staff.
eeek. they.need. to. be.told?
almost made me glad that we're not moving up there just yet

2shoes · 18/09/2007 09:07

yabu and a snob

maisym · 18/09/2007 09:09

you aren't being unreasonable & not a snob. Does you dd have to go to this nursery - could you find another one?

heifer · 18/09/2007 09:21

nope I would move if I wasn't happy for whatever reason..

But then I am a self confessed snob.... so think your points are valid...

niceglasses · 18/09/2007 09:25

A quarter of the class overweight? That means three quarters aren't. Probably a pretty good representation of society at large. You won't be able to protect her from o/weight pple when she leaves school.

Parents who openly scream. The schl my 3 go to has a fair share of this and it does make me cringe - its not nice. However, in reality its a very very small minority. How many is it where you are? Really? The ones at ours I now just avoid, and it is only one or 2 families in a whole school - so easy to do.

I think you have to weigh this up. If you are unhappy, very unhappy, move her. You have to go with your instincts.

But as it is so early in her schl life I'd say you know nothing about the ethos of the shcl, how happy she will be etc.

Our schl would be considered pretty rough but all my children are very very happy to go there. They promote healthy eating with only fruit etc at breaktime.

I think you are being a little harsh and hasty. Take some time and see how things go.

And please, I hate the chav word with a passion. They aren't chavs, they are pple.

wabbit · 18/09/2007 09:29

I think it might be ok to be a 'snob' about this... it's a case of values.

I would take my ds out of a nursery that didn't have a calm welcoming atmosphere.

oliveoil · 18/09/2007 09:31

what are the staff like?
facilities?

overweight children wouldn't bother me, screaming parents would, chav means nothing but big hoop earrings imo

and how can a child be rough at 3? fgs

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