Lockdown is making me hate life

[Minorchord]

I hate lockdown. I live alone and hate not being able to see anyone. I hate this whole culture of meet up over zoom and fucking dance routines and people going on about their gardens. I have depression anyway which I've had treatment for which doesn't work. I hate this incompetent government and this new NHS Worship cult. I used to like life when I wasn't depressed now I hate every second of it. I don't know what the point of getting up is. But of course all people want to talk about is the illness above all others and how important it is to lockdown until 2023. I've lost years of my life to mental ill health. I was making some progress and now this. I hate MN and how everyone just wants to leap on anyone hating the lockdown and say it's for your own good and don't even think about having a life. I hate those fucking patronising government adverts "It cam be hard.." I am sick to death of the words social distancing. If I knew what happened after I'd end my life now.

Probably, LilacTree1. It's not possible (or probably desirable for most people) to avoid all media, but it's certainly possible to reduce the amount of it you choose to see, especially social media, which so many people seem to find has a negative impact on their self-esteem and mental health.

I haven't seen them but I think if you watch live TV or read a paper, they are in there. Even just watching ordinary TV shows, not the news.

I'm playing a game on my Ipad and every few minutes I'm seeing adverts relating to Coronavirus and many from The Scottish Government. It seems there is no escape.

Sprats I watched something on All4 the other day - Black Books - in an effort to cheer up.

It kept coming up "STAY AT HOME, SAVE LIVES". I know there's no escape, it's insane.

You aren't being unreasonable to be struggling at all. We're all different and we're all responding to this differently. You just need to remember that its temporary and focus on what you'll do in the future. I'm loving it tbh but I'm also looking forward to going to fun places that are currently closed.

you are allowed to exercise, you are allowed to go shopping, you are allowed to volunteer to help people, you are allowed to work. It's hardly a lockdown.

You are allowed to exercise ALONE, you are allowed to go shopping FOR ESSENTIALS, you are allowed to volunteer to help people BUT THERE ARE ALREADY 100+ VOLUNTEERS FOR EVERY 1 PERSON WHO NEEDS ASSISTANCE, you are allowed to work IF YOUR EMPLOYER IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS (6.3 million furloughed).

I concur with Hammering. I can't conjure joy from within, I need things to look forward to. This doesn't feel like living, just existing.

I guess this really highlights the difference between extraversion and introversion.
Introverts can feel drained by other people and are happy in their own company. Extroverts get their energy from other people.

I guess this really highlights the difference between extraversion and introversion.
Introverts can feel drained by other people and are happy in their own company. Extroverts get their energy from other people.

I'm an introvert and hating this. I want to be out and about, it's really affecting my already very poor mental health. I enjoy being around people sometimes. I just need a lot of downtime after doing so.

I’m an introvert

But I mostly cope with my finances and living in a rough area by getting out to a nicer area which I’m now effectively banned from doing.

Not even a library or quiet church to sit in.

I'm a introvert but I'm still finding this shit, it's a nightmare keeping my poor toddler entertained when we are used to going out and seeing her friends. To be fair if this had happened before I became a mum and was given the opportunity to Wfh for the first time I might feel some positives. Right now it's all negatives.

@OrangesLake that's awful, in our local park there's none of that. People stop to sit on benches, sit on the grass for picnics, families (and some non-families) playing ball games, I've seen a few kids learning to ride bikes and no one bats an eye because for the most part everyone is social distancing. It's so unfair that other parks are being policed like that when it's all completely allowed!

It's the lack of choice and freedom which can be very hard. Some people like being around people for company while finding lots of chat draining. It;s having to question whether it is Ok to do simple things and not being able to switch off when outside having to always thing about if others will pass by and glare at you, hissing from behind a mask even though you have done nothing wrong. It's the lack of anonymity and judgement. Being unable to do things on your plan for MH such as swimming, or just sitting in some trees...when you live in a top floor flat and facing judgement from others who have a garden to sit in. It's the hypocrisy and lack of sense in some of it. and the lack of escape from any of it

Minorchord

I'm stopping writing on here now. OneandTwenty I asked you to stop posting and you didn't. You've made my mental health even worse. I'm already speaking to people, exercising, reading, eating healthily and I still feel awful. I don't trust my GP ad they just reach for antidepressants which don't help.

Your mental health has been made worse because of a mn poster? You need to come off mn and seek the support of a proper mental health forum at least.
I have severe mh diagnosis, I've been mostly in bed for weeks, and suffering horrendous depression, I have no inclination to do any of what you've been doing exercising, walking, eating well etc, your doing well really, think of that as positive.
You need to see another doctor for different meds really as they do help you just need the right ones.

It’s driving me slightly bonkers - but speaking to people in Spain, Poland and Italy where lockdowns are more fierce I can’t really bitch.

Actually I can - I have no space/time to myself. I can’t make plans properly because I just don’t know when things will fall back onto place. I don’t like working from home as the lines just blur and I end up working daft hours. And I’m getting fat.

For me the worse thing was everyone deciding what the "rules" were and tutting about other people. Since when was it a crime to sit on grass. It's been the fear driving it all that is the problem.

And when I go out people aren’t following the rules. The rules!

I have a thing about rules - they are there to be debated not flaunted! Rules is rules...

I just get cross at ‘proper’ rules (keeping a distance, not having your girlfriend flit between two households ‘ because your miss her’ - yes, you at number 16, letting your dog chase the swans (not a lockdown rule but there’s always some prat in the park with a dog chasing the swans).

Sick to the back teeth of it here, too, OP. I NEED proper, regular social interaction with others to get out of the hell the inside of my head can be. It’s very hard. I echo a previous poster and say that if you can travel to stay with a friend for a while, do it.

Suspect many of the lockdown martyrs on here don’t do much outside their immediate family for the most part anyway, which is why they are so militant about it.

I hate it too. I'm a single parent and my DC dad has only stepped in for a grand total of 7 days (split up) over the whole of this lock down.

I'm not 'living my best life' I'm skint because I've lost a quarter of my wages so can't afford to do anything to the house. Oh apart from having to buy a new fucking tv because mine broke last week. And having no one able to help me drag it through the house so I had to do it on my own which I really shouldn't because I've had a pelvic floor repair .
Oh and the lovely surgery I had a couple of weeks ago that I had to go through completely alone. No one to see me when I woke up or to have a hug. God what I would do for a hug from an adult. Having to drive myself back from the hospital after a GA because the fucking uber drivers decided they didn't want to pick me up. Home on my own, recovering on my own. Not even a fucking cup of tea. Never felt so lonely in all my life.
And the endless work being dumped on me (I'm a teacher) with no thought for the fact I'm on my own with a 6 year old, having to do absolutely everything myself, keep financially afloat, home school him, keep on top of all housework and donkey work, drag my child on shopping trips and risk all the dirty looks.
Having no other adults here to just exchange a look with. People in (happy) relationships really have no clue how shit this is for single people. Having to be chirpy and happy and positive on the surface all the fucking time because my child is watching me and I am responsible for protecting his mental health. He has no one else to go to so I can't have a bad day. Ever. And if I am grumpy and snap I feel like shit and horrendously guilty.

I totally understand how you feel. I'm on the edge of losing it completely.

@Minorchord - yes, I hate it too. I don't have depression (though I might get it at this rate) but everything feels so utterly pointless. I am exercising every day because if I don't I feel massively worse, but I even question the point of that sometimes. I have done a few workouts literally in floods of tears. Since lockdown started I've gone for three walks outside the house in the hopes that a change of scene would do me good. But it makes it worse because walking in the park makes me miss my dogs who are now dead and walking in town makes me see all the closed shops and restaurants and reminds me of just how shit everything is, with no end in sight. I don't miss socialising with friends all that much - I am in touch with them by email or phone (hate video calls, won't do them). But I really miss the small daily interactions and idle chit chat either with complete strangers or people I see regularly in places like the gym. I miss having a laugh with a friendly bartender, or asking a barista how their day is going. I hate that there is no escape: nowhere to go. When I chose to stay with my husband (our marriage has had ups and downs but is basically solid) it was fine. Now I have no bloody choice. And we can't even plan for anything realistically, since we have no idea when we will be allowed to do anything. All that's happening is one trip after another being cancelled, with a delay in getting our money back so I can't even rage spend it on frivolous crap.

Sprats I watched something on All4 the other day - Black Books - in an effort to cheer up.

It kept coming up "STAY AT HOME, SAVE LIVES". I know there's no escape, it's insane.

LilacTree1 I love Black Books. I'm sorry that it was ruined for you. We don't need to have it constantly forced down our throats. I think everyone is aware of the situation by now and some of us need a break from the whole thing. I'm becoming increasingly angry over every attempt I make to escape from this whole thing being thwarted by constant reminders, no matter what I do. It's so damaging for so many people's mental health.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52574606

Coronavirus: More worried about boredom, stress and anxiety than general health

We're not alone

I’m so glad I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m on maternity leave and have a 3 year old. My husband is still working full time from home. I’m exhausted. I’d planned the timing of my second child so carefully to make sure my eldest could still go to nursery a couple of times a week (a break for me and her!) and now I’m basically a 1950s house wife. I’m exhausted as I’m ‘on’ 24 hours a day, 7 days per week (baby is BF). Any time I express a desire to see lockdown eased in RL I get - politely - shot down by friends and family. I know people are dying but I think the time has come to start to live alongside COVID-19 as best we can. We’re better informed about hygiene, social distancing, protecting the vulnerable etc. We can’t all just hide until there is a vaccine.

Sprats “ I'm becoming increasingly angry over every attempt I make to escape from this whole thing being thwarted by constant reminders, no matter what I do. It's so damaging for so many people's mental health.”

Yes. My mum can’t understand why I stopped my exercise- which I used to do before covid.

It’s because reminders are everywhere in the park - alongside the police.

Like any situation people will react differently depending on their own situation and disposition.

The situation has thrown everyone’s life upside down. Some people are able to deal with this change others are not. Not because some are stronger or better but because that’s just how they are.

I’ve suffered from depression and ptsd and it’s terribly difficult to alter your mindset. Everyone needs to respect people’s differences for some people the lockdown is heaven of others it’s hell for most it’s trying to make the best of a shit situation