Lockdown is making me hate life

[Minorchord]

I hate lockdown. I live alone and hate not being able to see anyone. I hate this whole culture of meet up over zoom and fucking dance routines and people going on about their gardens. I have depression anyway which I've had treatment for which doesn't work. I hate this incompetent government and this new NHS Worship cult. I used to like life when I wasn't depressed now I hate every second of it. I don't know what the point of getting up is. But of course all people want to talk about is the illness above all others and how important it is to lockdown until 2023. I've lost years of my life to mental ill health. I was making some progress and now this. I hate MN and how everyone just wants to leap on anyone hating the lockdown and say it's for your own good and don't even think about having a life. I hate those fucking patronising government adverts "It cam be hard.." I am sick to death of the words social distancing. If I knew what happened after I'd end my life now.

you should go for a walk and get some fresh air.

good luck.

Unfortunately if the government’s response had been halfway competent and we’d closed down before the cases were allowed to get out of control (and if we were properly testing and tracing) we might now be celebrating a tiny number of new cases and genuinely be in a position to safely think about relaxation and next steps.

Instead they fucked it up and so we’re having to contemplate easing up not because we’ve won any real semblance of control, but because of economic pressure and people getting pissed off. It’s a terrible position to be in and doesn’t bode well for us. It’s hard to understand sometimes just how far the UK’s reputation for competence and good judgment has fallen.

To see newspapers releasing old stories about a scientist making a poor decision when every day they should be shouting about the number of lives cut short due to incompetence...it’s staggering.

Walks are a bit depressing unless you've got a route that avoids all the boarded up stuff and other signs that all is not well.

I hear you OP. It's crap. I'm missing my daughter, my family,I'm worried I'll not have a job at the end of this and I'm bored out of what's left of my mind.

Minor "I am locked inside my fucking head because my friends are all far away I hate every single day of this apology for a life and going out for walks doesn't make up for the socialising I crave. "

totally understand.

I used to walk or jog 5 miles a day but I have stopped because the "social distancing" dance is so horrible and seeing people wearing masks.... I did enjoy the last time I went though, because a local drug dealer started a very loud conversation from 2m away. People were looking on in disgust but he had clearly picked up on my distress, really made me laugh and didn't try to sell me anything.

we had to point out to a few people that talking wasn't illegal - not yet anyway.

Also, at the start of this, the police were very energetically moving you on if you dared look at flowers (a poster told me off for doing this as well). Now the police are more on the perimeter, but the part with the flowers is surrounded by signs saying "warning, you are on CCTV".

It becomes less depressing to stay indoors.

The future is terrifying and will feature a lot of hunger, and being treated even worse in shit jobs.

Can you not phone or Skype people individually?

I hate it when people say shit like this. It’s not the same thing at all, no substitute whatsoever for proper human interaction.

OP, not unreasonable at all that you’re finding it tough and I wish you all the best

I feel you

I get it, and I'm sorry you're going through this right now OP. It's such a shit situation to be in. People seem to forget that mental ill health is a real illness, just like the more visible illnesses, that it can cause real pain and terrible suffering, and that it can be deadly.

I had to break lockdown rules due to a mental health episode recently. I didnt mention it at all on Mumsnet, or ask for advice here, because I knew I would be told off for potentially exposing vulnerable others to the virus, never mind the fact I had been completely isolated from everyone for several weeks at that point. There are a few posters on this site who don't understand mental health issues to the extent that they sound like they would rather people die than break the rules.

Can you isolate for a week and then go and stay with someone? Or as others have suggested, arrange meet ups with friends or families, distanced if necessary? Someone vulnerable I know has been going for dog walks with a family member who lives in a separate household. They walk 2 metres apart and chat.

Other than that, don't know what else to say, except I hope your mental health improves and that things become more bearable. Even though it feels like it sometimes, this won't last forever.

Op you need to talk to someone about the suicidal thoughts. Please do call Samaritans on 116 123 or if you have mental health crisis team.

Just yesterday I spoke to a friend who is working as a live in carer for a relative who has told her she wishes she was dead because of this. But no discussion at all of the mental health epidemic behind closed doors because in 2020 Britain there is only one illness that counts

OP, that's exactly it. No one gives a shit about anything except covid now.

Like I said, make a noise about it - complain to everyone you can. Don't assume there isn't a silent majority out there - there might be.

I agree with you entirely @Minorchord.

Is it possible for you to travel to a friend?

If it is, I would strongly recommend you do it.

Do you like animals OP maybe you could volunteer at a local animal rescue? It would be an excuse to get out of the house, you'd be doing something really useful and you'd have lots of love in return.

Sorry to hear you’re feeling so crap, OP. Look after yourself as best you can. I hope things improve for you soon.

I hear you OP, I getsick of the twee "we're all in it together" type adverts, with people dancing in their gardens, cooking Jamie Oliver style meals in their massive fuck off kitchens, doing yoga in their huge gardens, dumbly clonking together saucepans and wooden spoons every Thursday. It's not true that everyone is in the same boat. Some people are clinging on a small wooden raft that is falling to bits whilst others are on a yacht. I'm sorry everything is so hard at the moment and I hope there will be a slight restriction of the rules on Sunday which will help x

I'm in a family of six, live rurally in a beautiful village, I go for nice walks next to the shops, talk daily on messenger to my friend. Have a lovely dh who makes me laugh.

I still hate lockdown. Despite the kids life has little point or direction. No plans, nothing to look forward to. Uncertainty. Lost gcses for my eldest. Etc.

Its indeed crap.

I agree OP, my MH has been very wobbly since lockdown where previously I’d worked really hard to get to a good place.

I am miserable, stressed & lonely & hate people talking about “all this free time we have” to do what we want to do.

My workload has essentially doubled & even when I am lucky enough to have a break from the kids for a couple of days, I’m so exhausted by all the stress & anxiety that I have no energy left to do anything but get through the day.

Self care doesn’t exist in this house!

Keep going OP, things will get better soon - this is all I’m hanging on to at the moment.

You need to separate your depression from lockdown. Lockdown exacerbates depression yes. Because people lose their support network or find it difficult to connect to support. Or the things that used to help, like exercise, is restricted. It may also cause depression due to secondary effects like people losing their jobs/income etc. But being in your home by itself is not something that should be depressing.

You say you've had treatment which hasn't worked before, suggesting that depression has been ongoing and isn't just caused by lockdown. This is where you need to seek help. To be blunt, having to spend a few weeks indoors is not something that should be making you feel like ending your life. This is a temporary state. Already we're looking at restrictions being eased to some degree by Monday.

I don't know what treatment you have had, whether you have any input from services, but you should really tell your GP how you're feeling. I had depression, for 30 years, but it's now finally better. I regret not pushing harder all those years I was feeling shit. Thinking nothing would work and just accepting this was how I was. So I understand. The things I used to look forward to, got me through the shit times. But now that future has been taken away indefinitely, but because I'm not depressed anymore I can shrug it off and be ok with it all and just wait for it to pass. You shouldn't have to be feeling this bad. There is help out there.

YANBU at all, it is shit. Like you I was making progress with my mental health until this fucking doomfest started. Don't watch the news, don't go on Facebook. I've stayed away from anything that might make me feel worse. Come over to the Dementor's Begone thread on Chat. No doom mongering, just realistic and rational posts.
I understand how you feel, it makes me feel the same, and I get so miserable and angry about things. Do you have anyone to talk to? The Samaritans are great and don't judge, whatever you want to say.
Take care of yourself, I'm thinking of you. This will end.

I totally hear you OP. Please dont think you are alone in this. One of the hardest things I find is the morality police with their judgments and finger pointing and competitive social distancing. Because they are ok everyone must be ok. That and the hypocracy and double standards. Looking at flowers is bad but keeping airports open with no checks is fine. FFS. It's a complete mess.

Mereum "To be blunt, having to spend a few weeks indoors is not something that should be making you feel like ending your life"

that isn't what got me to that point.

it was the fact that government could abuse the law - 1984 (ironic) Public Health Control of Disease Act - to do this.

there is nothing now to make me feel I live in the society I lived in before.

there appears to be no one who would stand up and fight alongside me, there appear to be millions who think it's a great idea to be tracked by Big Brother and participate in 2 Minute Hate every Thursday.

and then what? Face the economic rubble where employers treat you worse than they did before?

This not remotely the same as being asked to stay in in your 400sq ft tower block. But that is quite bad.

actually I know people with no history of mental health issues who now have major issues.

I feel you too, I appreciate the many silver linings that have and will come out of this and try on focus on those but its hard sometimes.

My business is essentially closed until next year, I have no focus, no routine, nothing to look forward to, no income... I'm trying to educate my SEN child in a foreign language, whilst keeping on top the constant cooking and cleaning...
Trips to see family cancelled, family and friends visiting me here cancelled, the beach is closed, the forest is closed. Its all a bit much sometimes....
Tomorrow is another day and hopefully i'll be back to seeing the positives but for today, i'm just wallowing in it!

OP I agree. And being told that Uk ‘isn’t in a proper lockdown’ and that ‘we should have done it earlier’ or ‘this needs to carry on for weeks/months longer so suck it ip’ aren’t at all helpful. Nor is being told to ‘be grateful you’re not ill/haven’t had a family member die’

I hate video calls. I have to do them for work, I don’t want to do them to socialise. I want to go to a restaurant or round a friends house or to the cinema. I want to play team sports.

I have previously suffered with depression and feel like I’m going back in to it. I don’t want to call the doctor because I don’t want to go on anti depressants when I know exactly what will sort out my mental health - lifestyle changes. If it wasn’t for the fact I have a child and CANT lie in bed all day doing nothing, that’s absolutely what I’d be doing.

Preventing lives from covid is important. I’m just not sure it’s more important that saving Lives from all other possible death causes, including suicide, domestic violence, and the long term higher death rates caused by high unemployment and the economy being f###ed.

Clearly that last paragraph should start ‘preventing lives being lost to covid’...