To be sick of men, testosterone and their relentless pursuit of sex?

[Boredtobeers]

I really am. I have one foot out of a 5 year marriage with my children's father, I'm just getting my ducks in a row so to speak.

Unbeknownst to me at the start the man is a sleaze, obsessed with sex to the point that he's prepared to destroy his family to obtain it (twice that im aware of) and has unrealistic expectations for the sex in the home. He wasn't deprived, our children are very close in age which speaks for itself.

This marriage has got me to thinking about men's attitude to sex in general and he's not too dissimilar to others I've known, dated or been friends with.

Now it's entirely possible I've just had shit luck and chosen crap men and crap friends, but a trawl around the boards reveals it is a common problem.

I'm sure somebody will be along to say that they're a woman and have a rampant sex drive, but in the grand scheme of things the level of irresponsibility, selfishness and carnal desire is far more prevalent among men.

I'm starting to believe I'm asexual and have contempt for men in general because of this.

AIBU to be utterly sick of men, testosterone and how they seemingly can't live without or want a ridiculous amount of sex.

My first husband wasn't that keen on sex but the second one totally obsessed with it. Has left now thank God but bloody hell just constantly going on and on and on about it and wanting sex several times a day.
After a while I just got really bored with it.
I can't see that an orgasm is that amazing, I can do it easily and don't find it "that" exciting tbh. Not all consuming, I've often wondered if its something to do with wanting to breastfeed or be mummy cuddled when they are obsessed like that.
I'd have much more joy out of a day out together or watching Netflix in front of the woodburner with a good old storm going on outside.
Ex would sulk all day and all night if he didn't get any.
I was glad when he left. It's brilliant being able to go to bed without some kind of an argument or "discussion" and just read or knit or whatever.
Men have put me right off having any kind of a love life these days - I just cannot be bothered.

I've felt this way before OP.

@madcatladyforever the men with lower self esteem want sex more.

He doesn't feel good about himself, so he can only feel good when he is inside another person. You are well rid of him

You've had some unfortunate encounters so I can appreciate your feelings but not all men are like this. The sexualization of women is rampant in society and unless this is regularly challenged nothing will change. As for men 'perving' over girls in school uniform I often find my self gawping at the length of skirts these days, barely covering the backside. Of course if a man gawps he is perving.

I think I became disillusioned with men a couple of years ago when I started to look at the males around me.

A friend of my DH- who I thought was one of the good guys- cheated on his wife while on a work trip because he was “drunk” and the woman he cheated with “had fake boobs” and he wanted to see what they felt like.

A family man I used to work with used prostitues and would joke about his visits with younger male colleagues.

My own DH went to a strip club while on a stag do and had not one... but FOUR lap dances. When I found out and asked him to explain himself, he said he “didn’t see the big deal. All guys do it”

PORN is fucking rife and the amount of guys I dated who tried to coerce me into doing some sex act I wasn’t comfortable with (anal, deep throat, fisting) they saw on a video.

My point... you don’t have to look far to find a man who puts his cock above all else and throws morals out the window.

I’m trying to teach my own boys to be different. I hope to make a difference to the future generation of men.

Case closed, all over bar the pointless quibbling about that one woman you knew who did X or that lovely bloke who would NEVER do Y.

You are correct that these atrocities have been/are overwhelmingly committed by men; however, your logic is very faulty if you believe that this is the same as saying that all or even most men are responsible for these acts. I trust that you wouldn't make racist generalisations using the same crude sweeping principles.

I think a vast majority of men don't have much conscience or boundaries when it comes to sex and "come ons."

I'm not exactly a supermodel myself, I'm average looking/attractive if I dress up and have an average type body. I'm no big flirt etc yet I've encountered flirts/come ons from a variety of men over the last 20 years and have learnt that lots of men really don't care if you're taken, even if it's by someone close to them. I've had my ex DHs employee make a come on, I've had mates of my then boyfriends, their brothers! I've had guys send me inappropriate messages and pictures. I've had test the water type texts to see if you'd go there.

I've known countless women have the same experience.

Many men aren't like that but imo a vast majority are. They just get good at hiding it/denying it/just fantasizing about have sex with their mate or brothers girlfriend.

A man that I know, said to me "of course men keep women down, we enjoy the power" , and "we wouldnt keep women down if it wasn't so much fun"
and it never occurs to him that the tables may turn, I think humans of all kinds have a propensity to enjoy power, spaces will open up and women will move into them

I wonder what type of men are more "successful" with women though?

Speaking with my female friends all of us prefer the man to make the first move, ask us out first, all of us have been proposed to (and expected it). So, are we as women, also perpetuating the message that we expect men to take the lead? That that is what women prefer?

I've witnessed the crass and vulgar comments that men in the work place have come out with, when they find somebody attractive

That's appalling, don't you tell them to STFU? The last time I heard an inappropriate comment like that in the workplace, it was nearly 30 years ago. I pointed out that it was sexist and inappropriate and it never happened again.

You're basing your experience on one, albeit shitty man?

Absolutely not. Mine is an opinion I've formed based on many years worth of negative experiences with men, from when I was a child right to way up until now.

I recall with complete clarity being a child barely into my teens and having to deal with the advances of creepy older men. Many, many times.

I was abused as a child.

I've had a man flash his genitalia at me down the street when I was a child.

One of my earliest memories of using MSN messenger was a man appearing on the webcam shoving a cucumber up his arse, to me, a child.

STBXH isn't the only man I've been with who treats sex as an entitlement either. I had to break up with another long term boyfriend for exactly this reason, besotted with sex on his terms and didn't give a shit whether I wanted it or not.

I was raped in my first serious relationship.

I've been sexually harassed in the work place at two different companies.

I've had unwanted dick pictures sent to me that I didn't want nor ask for.

I've seen my friends have their lives turned upside down because their husbands wouldn't keep it in his pants.

At the age of 21 I had my elderly married landlord make advances toward me which made me so uncomfortable I had to give up my home.

I've had pissed men follow me down the street trying to chat me up at night, frightening me.

Men hanging out of car windows making disgusting comments if I dare to wear a dress in the summer. Men doing this regardless of what I'm wearing.

I've been cheated on countless times.

I've seen married men behave like horny teenagers showing utter contempt for their wives.

A man who appeared to be respectable, who was my friend, was found to be somebody that uses the services of teenage sex workers.

I could go on all day.

Some of these men need chemical castration.

Ime more women seem to have higher sex drives than the men. Certainly been true in every relationship I’ve been in.

Also loads of women have very highs ex drives.

I definitely have a high ex drive - no matter how promising it looks at the beginning they always end up as an ex.

The difference is most women with high sex drives aren't predatory about

About it*

You married a dick OP.

I don’t have a high sex drive but it’s similar to my husband. We have sex two to three times a week which is perfect for us. He doesn’t seek it out with me more or elsewhere. I mean, if he did want it more it would certainly be something we’d work with together but we seem t I have found our momentum with that!

I've rarely met a man who wouldn't have extra martial if they could get away with it

I've rarely met a man who wouldn't have extra martial if they could get away with it

I think if you posted the same question to women ie have an affair and get away with it, a lot of women would do it too.

most women with high sex drives aren't predatory
they dont need to be predatory, it's easy to find men who are up for casual sex, shooting fish in a barrel innit

Maybe I will do one on the selfishness and entitlement of women who think making people with an interest in sex feel like shit is absolutely fine becausetheydon't find it important so anyone who does is clearly abnormal.

I mean, you could say that's judgemental, but it's literally not selfish it entitled to make someone feel shit for wanting sex. You aren't asking or demanding anything.

People should feel shit for pestering for sex. Not merely for wanting it.