To be sick of men, testosterone and their relentless pursuit of sex?

[Boredtobeers]

I really am. I have one foot out of a 5 year marriage with my children's father, I'm just getting my ducks in a row so to speak.

Unbeknownst to me at the start the man is a sleaze, obsessed with sex to the point that he's prepared to destroy his family to obtain it (twice that im aware of) and has unrealistic expectations for the sex in the home. He wasn't deprived, our children are very close in age which speaks for itself.

This marriage has got me to thinking about men's attitude to sex in general and he's not too dissimilar to others I've known, dated or been friends with.

Now it's entirely possible I've just had shit luck and chosen crap men and crap friends, but a trawl around the boards reveals it is a common problem.

I'm sure somebody will be along to say that they're a woman and have a rampant sex drive, but in the grand scheme of things the level of irresponsibility, selfishness and carnal desire is far more prevalent among men.

I'm starting to believe I'm asexual and have contempt for men in general because of this.

AIBU to be utterly sick of men, testosterone and how they seemingly can't live without or want a ridiculous amount of sex.

Hear

MN isn't a hive mind of one thought process. It's utterly pointless having any sort of discussion with you if you say "women on MN are told X" because there is far more complexity than that.

but a trawl around the boards reveals it is a common problem
Wow, that sounds deeply scientific OP and not at all subjective. YABVU I’m afraid and have had bad some bad luck. I’d also say if you describe yourself as ‘asexual’ then your own base sex drive level must be quite low? ...so any variation in sex drive v yourself must seem huge.

MarieQueenofScots

I'm not claiming it is a hive mind. I am refuting the claim that women are never told to cheat - that isn't true.

How come you aren't telling the poster who said that that MN isn't a hive mind? I'm not saying women are only told to cheat. I am saying that those comments do happen and so the claim "women on MN are never told to cheat" is untrue. Do you agree then? Do you think women are never told to cheat?

YANBU. It's gross, a real turn off.

*Do you agree then? Do you think women are never told to cheat?"

I have no idea, I have never seen it but I can't possibly make claims as to content on threads I haven't read.

Oh, OP it sounds like you have a fatal attraction for sleazeballs. Your luck has been really bad. You might want to think about your method for choosing a man to go out with. You’ve described yourself as “asexual” but are picking men with average to high sex drives. You’d be happier with someone more compatible.

A word of caution too, you mentioned an “OW” saying things about your DH. I’ve had bad luck but of the kind where a woman who wanted my DH (then my bf) for herself, pretended he was making moves on her and made up all kinds of lies about him to get me to leave him so she could snap him up. She even said that she’d given him a blow job at a party. But it was all lies. So, don’t trust OWs, always verify whatever they tell you.

YANBU re the behaviour but I believe it is entitlement to having their every urge filled that is the problem, not a 'high sex drive'. There is another thread about a selfish dick of a man stuffing the entire families food for the week at mid night because he is 'hungry'. Insufferable selfish turds are most often men.

I know a lot of selfish and entitled women, I should start a thread about how awful women are. Maybe I will do one on the selfishness and entitlement of women who think making people with an interest in sex feel like shit is absolutely fine because they don't find it important so anyone who does is clearly abnormal.

And for anyone to say with a straight face that there is no double standard on here when it comes to relationship advice is downright hilarious.

For the avoidance of doubt, I am a woman.

And for anyone to say with a straight face that there is no double standard on here when it comes to relationship advice is downright hilarious

But it's true

If you're seeing the exact same posters, giving different advice due to sex of the poster on exact same scenarios then sure - double standards. I would imagine most posters are like me, giving comment on nothing more than the scenario outlined in the OP.

I have been in a relationship with a man who thought about nothing but sex. It's horrible. He leered at other women openly infront of me and groped my inappropriately and without my consent. I felt like a piece of meat and nothing more. It's humiliating, degrading and an absolutely massive turn off. I'm not in that relationship any more.

Oh yes I am so much happier being single! I love talking to men, having friends as men. But thats it.

Any time that I was in a relationship in the past - my boyfriend forced me to have sex when i didnt want to.

We are living in a generation where men bully and disrespect women in all areas of iur lives. It wont always be like this, but it is now.

A man that I know, said to me "of course men keep women down, we enjoy the power" , and "we wouldnt keep women down if it wasn't so much fun".

You can be so, so happy and free being single

MarieQueenofScots

That's the stock answer trotted out to the double standard accusation.

I have seen people, when accused of double standards, openly admit to it. So, eg, on a thread where a woman is complaining about lack of sex and is being told to tell her husband to pleasure her, even if he isn't up for it, or to withhold sex as punishment unless he does X - if you question that and say it isn't ok and that if a man doesn't want to have sex or doesn't want to engage in a particular act then he should not be forced into it, because we would expect the same respect - I have seen posters openly say that it's different. That men get advantages that women don't so if they have to put up with doing something they don't particularly like, well, tough.

To clarify, when I said I suspect I may be Asexual this is a direct result of the behaviours I've spoken about throughout the thread.

I used to enjoy sex as part of a relationship but have become increasingly ground down as a result of infidelity, hypersexuality (not me), entitled attitudes toward sex and witnessing time and time again men being utter creeps.

I have seen people, when accused of double standards, openly admit to it

Great, so they're clearly not who I'm discussing when objecting to lazy "stock answer" comments of "double standards". Again, not rocket science is it (althought I appreciate we have discussed similar topics on many occasions so I don't know why I'm surprised....)

Think that you have just had a bad one, and surprised that you did not notice these tendencies of his at the onset years ago. However you think that men should behave in these more enlightened days for women, there will always be droves of men , who cannot control their urges,either sexual,or speech type offences. But there are hundreds of men out there, who maybe can be the perfect man for you.

Another friend I've known since childhood, slept with his colleagues wife. He is somebody with a very respectable job and looked up to.

Did he force her? If he didn’t, why does that make him any more wrong than she is? Or are all women demure, helpless little children without any agency or responsibility of their own? They both sound like dirty cheating sleazes to me.

”But I guess we'll always have one person who goes "women are just as bad" on any thread.”

-Yes to this.
Without a fail.

“AIBU to be sick of Muslims and their terrorism and how much they glorify violence?”
“But, that’s outrageous: I know loads of very kind and gentle, peace-loving Muslims.”
“Sigh, there’s always one, isn’t there. I know that NAMALT, but we’re talking about Muslims as a class - you, know, the terrorists.”

You're basing your experience on one, albeit shitty man?

Another friend I've known since childhood, slept with his colleagues wife. He is somebody with a very respectable job and looked up to.

To be fair here, according to MN, the person responsible for the affair is the married person - in this case the wife.

It is vehemently argued that only they have a responsibility to their marriage and that the affair partner owes the betrayed partner nothing.

So, in this instance, according to MN, the man is doing nothing wrong and it's the wife who is the baddy.

Sorry, not one, but some shitty men. Also you don't become asexual. You just are.

agree that there are a certain group of these types of men but you also have to question yourself as to why you keep picking/attracting them?
do you have low self esteem do you think?

I mean, if you zoom out and look at the scope of human history, the sheer amount of misery that can be traced back to men wanting to get their rocks off is just ridiculous.

All the whataboutery and micro-analysis of individuals' behaviour is pointless.

Rape - men
Sexually-motivated murder - overwhelmingly men
Children abused and their images put online - by and for men
Families abandoned - largely men
Pillaging armies - men
"Porn" involving animal abuse - men

Case closed, all over bar the pointless quibbling about that one woman you knew who did X or that lovely bloke who would NEVER do Y.

And we all know it. When a missing woman hits the headlines or a child gets snatched, the one thing everyone knows, in the absence of any other information or evidence about the culprit, is that it was a man. 99.99999999%.

Orgasms are great, but no, I won't ever understand the sheer numbers of men who will leave their kids and hardly see them for the sake of one, or hurt people to get one, or sit at home watching others be hurt on the internet just to get one. Mind-boggling. If any of those were the conditions attached to getting an orgasm for me, I'd never have one again and be bloody glad about it.

You are confounding cultural influences with biological causes. It may well be that many men are culturally conditioned to think that certain kinds of behavior are OK, and attributing this to unavoidable biological facts (for which there is no scientific evidence) just gives them the perfect excuse to continue as they are.

Please read Cordelia Fine, "Delusions of Gender" and "The Testosterone Rex".

but it isn't really about sex/orgasm, IMO
those men you mention have trained themselves to be sexually aroused by particular themes or images, which all revolve around domination/coercion/control
therefore a 'high sex drive'/testosterone is neither here nor there, it's the desire to dominate another person and the use of 'sex' as a means to that end
all of which is enabled by a society which endorses male domination and will monetise anything (hence porn)