To be sick of men, testosterone and their relentless pursuit of sex?

[Boredtobeers]

I really am. I have one foot out of a 5 year marriage with my children's father, I'm just getting my ducks in a row so to speak.

Unbeknownst to me at the start the man is a sleaze, obsessed with sex to the point that he's prepared to destroy his family to obtain it (twice that im aware of) and has unrealistic expectations for the sex in the home. He wasn't deprived, our children are very close in age which speaks for itself.

This marriage has got me to thinking about men's attitude to sex in general and he's not too dissimilar to others I've known, dated or been friends with.

Now it's entirely possible I've just had shit luck and chosen crap men and crap friends, but a trawl around the boards reveals it is a common problem.

I'm sure somebody will be along to say that they're a woman and have a rampant sex drive, but in the grand scheme of things the level of irresponsibility, selfishness and carnal desire is far more prevalent among men.

I'm starting to believe I'm asexual and have contempt for men in general because of this.

AIBU to be utterly sick of men, testosterone and how they seemingly can't live without or want a ridiculous amount of sex.

YANBU!

I’m tired of it/them too.

I'm an average looking young-ish woman and whenever I make an effort (make up, hair done, nice outfit) I get suggestive looks or unwanted men whistling at me the majority of times I go out looking nice.

Big city so lots of people and opportunity for it unfortunately.

I don't find it flattering I find it intimidating, and if somebody average looking gets it so often then I dread to think what naturally beautiful young women are subjected to.

I was also sexually abused as pre teen and raped in a previous relationship.

Unfortunately there are so many layers underneath the way I feel toward men, but current husband has been the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

Well I also think that not all men are this way but I'm sure far too many are. I'm hoping it's somethign that will keep improving the more women gain equality in society. My DH is lovely, he's definitely have more sex with me if he could but he would never pressure or pester me about it. One thing that I've coem to realise that my DH does really well is to read my mood and pick up on signs that I'll be receptive to jumping into bed. From what I've seen/heard/read about too many men are only aware of their urges and don't think or care to gauge their partner's mood. Hence the sulking when she doesn't want to have sex after a long work day, preparing dinner and dealing with children etc.

I also think there's still a problem in male socialisation, males often still internalise the message that they are entitled to have sex, the fliop side of that being if they don't get sex they are losers. I don't know any woman who has been socialised to believe she is naturally entitled to sex from others. This is why the incel movement exists, these men are upset becuase they feel something they are entitled to isn't happening for them = blame feminism.

I get where you are coming from.
Absolutely not all men.

But recently, I mentioned to my husband about friend’s ex being an arsehole. He was a little bit “ do all your friends marry arseholes?” so I said, look - let’s have a serious comparison here.

We’re both in our 50s, lots of friends of both sexes over the years.

I didn’t include anything subtle.
I gave examples of rape, beatings, dragging across the room by the hair in front of a child, cheating, serial prostitute use and making derogatory comment about one parent directly to the child.

I’d have to say that actually, cheating was 50/50. And one male friend of mine was treated appallingly by his wife.

But in all our joint experience of men and women and their relationships... it was me that had the long list of men who had beaten, raped, used prostitutes and belittled.
Me who could show him the photo my friend sent me of the bruises all over back from the kicking as she curled up on the kitchen floor, staying quiet so as not to wake the kids.

When we finished the (very calm) conversation he dropped the slight and said, “that’s awful”.

Women are perpetrators too. But my anecdotal experience and vicarious experience, and that of my husband, is overwhelmingly male as perpetrator.

Not all men.

Just most of them.

Yuck is how i feel about them now. Everything is about their dick.

You've had shit luck.

I think there are women who behave in a predatory way towards younger men

B1rdbra1n

The number of women acting predatory to younger men is a tiny fraction of the number of men acting predatory and entitled towards women.

But I guess we'll always have one person who goes "women are just as bad" on any thread.

I think there are women who behave in a predatory way towards younger men

Of course, but they are in the vast minority and much more unheard of than their male counterparts.

It is that unusual so when it does happen it sticks out like a sore thumb.

Comparatively, men leering over much younger women is commonplace.

Multi, I should have been clearer of course men are worse but this is in large part because they have much greater opportunity to perpetrate this behaviour and society give them licence to do so

I hear you OP. Sounds like we have had similar experiences in childhood and work except I'm probably a bit older than you.
My DH wasn't like yours but he did kill our sex life stone dead with what, in hindsight, was an inability to manage his emotions and needs, ( it's complicated, there are mental health and addiction issues involved).
I know that not all men are like that but I see the base drive you highlight in many situations and I too find it ugly and repulsive.

I do have some sympathy for the number of decent men who find themselves tarred with the same brush, that can't be nice, but I do think it would help the male population as a whole if the decent folk among them spoke out when they saw lecherous behaviour rather than ignoring it.

If the male friends of a notorious cheat or abuser of women were to pull them up on their behaviour they'd probably hold more credence than us women, because the men who perpetrate these behaviours tend to be sexist.

I'm sorry you can relate, chugmonkey

It really does set the tone doesn't it

I agree with you in general op.

Men are wired differently and I suppose human nature and biology comes into play a bit just like animals

I've been through similar with a 'Mr Perfect' who proved to be a disgusting perverted cheat. No-one would believe it but I had all the messages he wrote and photos he was sent

Comparatively, men leering over much younger women is commonplace

Yes. It's the entitlement that comes with it that's galling. Ugly balding middle aged men with a face like a sack of potatoes think young girls/woman should be interested in them.

I suffered a lot of harassment as a young teenager with this type of behaviour, ridiculous in summer.

Those who sit smugly thinking we are talking about other people's husbands and sons need a reality check.

I worked in a male environment and have stories about men that would make your hair stand on end. Wives oblivious.

Of course it’s not all men but I understand what you’re getting at, it seems like all the men around are just focused on their own needs with no thoughts to people’s feelings.

At first I thought maybe it’s just me but I know other women who are completely different to me and deal with things differently and they are still having to cope with immature fuck boys...even the more dorky men seem this way inclined.

I wish I was religious, I’d join a convent.

This is where I think developing A-sexuality comes into it for me, I really don't understand what all the fuss is about when it comes to sex, how they think it is worth destroying their families and hurting their children for.

Take my soon to be XH for example, it's a relatively short lived experience to put it mildly. There are no fireworks. It isn't exhilarating.

How can something so brief and unsatisfactory be worth the damage it causes?

Is it the 'high' of sneaking around and the 'excitement' of something new perhaps? Because the sex itself is nothing to write home about and certainly not worth the damage it causes.

I'm yet to have a sexual experience that I deem worthy of destroying my family for, and I'm no prude I've had a fair amount of sex during my twenties.

It's just not worth it in my eyes, I can live without it and will probably choose to.

Why can't they?

”But I guess we'll always have one person who goes "women are just as bad" on any thread.”

-Yes to this.
Without a fail.

You can’t think of any occasions where women objectify men? Really?

The Diet Coke advert. The “I don’t know what he’s fixing but mine’s broken” memes of stunning half naked men on socia media.

Men do it more, sexualisation and socialisation as you say, but women do it too. Older women leer over younger men all the time.

And for the record, I know equal amounts of unfaithful men and women.

YANBU. I feel the same.

Off the top of my head i cannot recall one occasion where a woman I know has leered over a much younger man, no.

I could give you 40 pages of examples of how men have done so though.

I'm sure plenty of older women find younger men attractive and admire their looks, but I don't know one woman who has ever behaved in the way that the men I know have.

You can be attracted to somebody without being a pervert about it imo.

I know it happens, take Madonnas recent relationship for example, but it is quite rare.

Also, child sex abuse is usually always perpetrated by men.

Yes there are women who do it but again, competitively, extremely rare.

I'm not suggesting all men are paedophiles so please don't think that I am, I'm just pointing out another area of sexual misconduct which is predominantly carried out by men.

They're wired differently when it comes to sex, sexual activity, sexual urges etc which leads to problematic behaviour in a large number of them.

The number of women acting predatory to younger men is a tiny fraction of the number of men acting predatory and entitled towards women.

My eyes have been opened to something recently. My DD showed me some videos on tik tok and that prompted me to look further on there.

There are lots of young men, shirtless, dancing and lip synching in videos. The number of comments and duets from women, who state clearly that they are over 40 perving on these men who are late teens early twenties shocked me. The comments are all "ooh, making the cougars very happy" etc. What I have noticed is very few younger women commenting on these videos.

Of course there are young women dancing too but the duets and comments come from men of the same age. If there are the occasional older man making a comment then they are called out on it and there are videos from men also saying that it's wrong for.older men to comment on the young women.

I know it's not scientific and I know it's a rubbish app meant for kids but it was very eye opening just how many women are happy to per over young men, openly. It just does not seem to have the same level of condemnation as if it were men commenting on younger women.

Off the top of my head i cannot recall one occasion where a woman I know has leered over a much younger man, no.

Seriously, download tik tok. Your eyes will be opened.

Older women leer over younger men all the time

And for the record, I know equal amounts of unfaithful men and women