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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of men, testosterone and their relentless pursuit of sex?

120 replies

Boredtobeers · 07/05/2020 10:29

I really am. I have one foot out of a 5 year marriage with my children's father, I'm just getting my ducks in a row so to speak.

Unbeknownst to me at the start the man is a sleaze, obsessed with sex to the point that he's prepared to destroy his family to obtain it (twice that im aware of) and has unrealistic expectations for the sex in the home. He wasn't deprived, our children are very close in age which speaks for itself.

This marriage has got me to thinking about men's attitude to sex in general and he's not too dissimilar to others I've known, dated or been friends with.

Now it's entirely possible I've just had shit luck and chosen crap men and crap friends, but a trawl around the boards reveals it is a common problem.

I'm sure somebody will be along to say that they're a woman and have a rampant sex drive, but in the grand scheme of things the level of irresponsibility, selfishness and carnal desire is far more prevalent among men.

I'm starting to believe I'm asexual and have contempt for men in general because of this.

AIBU to be utterly sick of men, testosterone and how they seemingly can't live without or want a ridiculous amount of sex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredtobeers · 07/05/2020 12:53

Well that was surprised me hearbooves, I do use tiktok but haven't seen those myself as I only tend to look at the food/beauty/babies ones but I will have a look.

It's wrong. definitely.

OP posts:
Sylvari · 07/05/2020 12:57

Having a high sex drive doesn't make someone crap

For me, it absolutely does. I have no interest in someone who has a high sex drive, it's a massive turn-off and makes them come across to me as a bit pervy tbh, always sniffing around me for a fuck. I had a partner like that before and it made me absolutely loathe him.

Cam77 · 07/05/2020 13:00

They're wired differently when it comes to sex, sexual activity, sexual urges etc which leads to problematic behaviour in a large number of them.

Yes, they are wired differently. Hence more violent crime more sexual assault etc. But it's almost exclusively men who fight (or at least do all the killing) in wars - often cheered on by the majority of women in respective country: hunting, war, brute strength to build and protect from predators, assertiveness, aggression. All useful in the right context and demonstrated far more by males than women. Sivving off the bad/antisocial aspects of maleness is not quite as easy or as black/white as some believe.

Sylvari · 07/05/2020 13:01

I'm yet to have a sexual experience that I deem worthy of destroying my family for, and I'm no prude I've had a fair amount of sex during my twenties.

I've had sex with 25+ different men in my short life and I concur. I don't get what all the fuss is about. The only time I ever orgasm is if I do it myself and even then, I could live without orgasm for the rest of my life. I just don't get it. I have sex bevause my partner enjoys it, no other reason.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:01

Boredtobeers

Look at the trending dances.

Original poster
Boredtobeers · 07/05/2020 13:02

I have no interest in someone who has a high sex drive, it's a massive turn-off and makes them come across to me as a bit pervy tbh, always sniffing around me for a fuck Yep I feel the same way too.

OP posts:
handslikecowstits · 07/05/2020 13:04

The dice are loaded with respect to this kind of thing. Yes, some women cheat and leer at men but the system still encourages the objectification of women and it is seen at all levels, from leering and dick pics to rape and murder.

NAMALT of course, but this misogyny and entitlement is systemic. In women, it isn't.

spellconnoisseur · 07/05/2020 13:05

What do you want from this thread, OP?

Brokenchair1 · 07/05/2020 13:06

I would say I have a healthy sex drive and when we in a relationship happy to have it as often as possible BUT I have dated several men who's need for sex/thrill has led them to cheat so while I don't tar all men with the same brush I don't think you are being entirely unreasonable. My last partner of six months cheated on me because he thought I wasn't "kinky" enough. 🤷 I'm probably also slightly jaded.

Sylvari · 07/05/2020 13:08

Yep I feel the same way too.

It makes my skin crawl. Like I'm not a person, I'm a bit of meat waiting to be devoured all the time. And their "boo hoo poor me" when you explain thst actually, you just don't want sex. Some men act as if they just can't fathom how you couldn't want sex.

Original poster
Boredtobeers · 07/05/2020 13:11

My STBXH is the worst of the worst when it comes to sleaze.

He thinks it's acceptable to grope me at his leisure and stroll around the place stark bollock naked to try to get my attention. He's looking at me when he does it, because he wants me to see him naked in the hope I'll want to jump his bones. He flashes me in the house whilst the children are awake but thankfully out of sight. This one caused ww3 in the house and I really went to town at him for it.

I can be writing an important email/letter and he comes over to "express interest" by touching my breast, wilfully ignorant of the fact I'm doing something important.

He is one of those deplorable men who send pictures of their penis to anybody he thinks might want to see it. He has sent videos of himself masturbating to a woman whilst I was sleeping in the next room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredtobeers · 07/05/2020 13:14

What do you want from this thread, OP?

confirmation that I'm not alone in my thinking mainly, that although I'm jaded it is justified and there is a good argument behind my point.

OP posts:
Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:18

Thing is though op, anyone who disagrees with you on this thread will get insults chucked at them or the usual "not my Nigel" comments so it will just end up with only people who agree with you. That doesn't mean what you are saying is correct necessarily.

There are lots of threads on here from women having affairs (one is currently active with many women having affairs because they like sex) and there are also lots of threads from women complaining about lack of sex, partners low sex drive etc.

MarieQueenofScots · 07/05/2020 13:21

There are lots of threads on here from women having affairs (one is currently active with many women having affairs because they like sex) and there are also lots of threads from women complaining about lack of sex, partners low sex drive etc

It’s a predominantly female site, not exactly true reflection of society.

Sylvari · 07/05/2020 13:22

He is one of those deplorable men who send pictures of their penis to anybody he thinks might want to see it. He has sent videos of himself masturbating to a woman whilst I was sleeping in the next room.

Get rid. Men like that rarely change. They think their penis is God's gift and all women should go crazy for it. I can understand Laura Bobbitt.

RonObvious · 07/05/2020 13:26

I'm always amazed at the number of threads by women describing husbands who are badgering them for sex, with posters replying that if 'he doesn't get it from her, he will go elsewhere'. Funny how the threads where a woman is complaining about a partner with a lower sex drive don't get replies suggesting she should cheat on him. There is still this attitude that men 'need it', and they can't help themselves. Really pisses me off.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:28

It’s a predominantly female site, not exactly true reflection of society.

Then the complaints about men's behaviour should be viewed in the same light surely?

Why wouldn't women, describing the affairs that they are having, on a predominantly female site, be true?

rattusrattus20 · 07/05/2020 13:28

@RonObvious - in fairness 'so get a FWB' is F-F advice i see dished out on here at least weekly.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:30

Funny how the threads where a woman is complaining about a partner with a lower sex drive don't get replies suggesting she should cheat on him.

Are you joking? Threads with women complaining about lack of sex are told to leave, life is too short or, yes, cheat.

Men complaining about lack of sex are labelled sex pests and told to use their hand and that sex isn't the be all and end all.

MarieQueenofScots · 07/05/2020 13:31

Then the complaints about men's behaviour should be viewed in the same light surely?

My comments on male behaviour are purely from my own experience, I don't draw any conclusions from what is written on an internet forum, especially an anonymous one.

Berba9 · 07/05/2020 13:31

I think Men are worse than women when it comes to sex. I am man with a low sex drive but from the age of around 11 it was a bombardment of porn from magazines then videos and now internet. Porn has a huge influence on a lot of men and is rife.

Some Blokes who I know, will sleep with anyone. They swipe right (yes?) on everyone on tinder in the hope that a few will match and they they get to work. They don’t consider looks, profile anything. They don’t even need to fancy them. The “any hole is a goal” line has been trotted out regularly. Some have also used prostitutes, particularly when abroad on trips.

I think women can have equally high sex drives but I’m not sure on the whole they will just go and literally shag anything that moves or pay someone to come round and shag them.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:32

Great. My experience is the exact opposite so I'll believe my experience then, not those reported on an anonymous forum.

MarieQueenofScots · 07/05/2020 13:33

Are you joking? Threads with women complaining about lack of sex are told to leave, life is too short or, yes, cheat

Men complaining about lack of sex are labelled sex pests and told to use their hand and that sex isn't the be all and end all

I see this whole "doubte standards" thing trotted out and it is, quite frankly, nonsense. Unless the scenarious you're commenting on are identical and the same posters are making wildly different comments dependent on sex then you're (wilfully?) misunderstanding the nuances of posting on a forum.

MarieQueenofScots · 07/05/2020 13:34

Great. My experience is the exact opposite so I'll believe my experience then, not those reported on an anonymous forum

Why wouldn't you Confused I would have thought that was a terribly simple concept but....

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 07/05/2020 13:35

MarieQueenofScots

I was responding to the claim that women who are in sexless marriages are not told to cheat on here - that simply isn't true. Yes, they are.

The circumstances are irrelevant. The claim was women, on MN, aren't advised to cheat - the answer is that yes they are.