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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be terrified of birth?

84 replies

topazdiamondsandemeralds · 05/05/2020 10:24

I made my account yesterday and, waking up in the early hours of the morning, wondered if you could all help me.
I'm a month pregnant, so no exactly obvious changes physically but I have been more emotional lately.
Something that has been on my mind is how terrified I am of giving birth - I don't know when it started, but I'm staying up until the early hours of the morning because it Is on my mind so much.
I'm scared of the possibility of a C section, of the idea of an epidural paralyzing me, baby being too big and tearing me apart etc.
Is this normal?
Am I being unreasonable to be so worried? Sad

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 05/05/2020 10:25

It's not unreasonable to be scared of the unknown. Education is the best way past it!

Original poster
topazdiamondsandemeralds · 05/05/2020 10:25

Now that i'm pregnant it seems to be really dawning on me with what's happening to my own body Sad It's supposed to be a beautiful experience but I have constant anxiety.

OP posts:
MizMoonshine · 05/05/2020 10:26

YANBU everyone shits themselves about giving birth. It's the hardest thing you're going to willingly put your body through and it's shit. And no matter how hard you plan, at the end of the day, it can all be taken out of your hands.

So no, it's not unreasonable. It's entirely normal.

But women do it everyday. And then they go back to do it again. So it can't be that bad ;)

NightlyBye · 05/05/2020 10:29

I feel for you OP. Its a recognised fear called Tokophobia, and your midwife when you get your booking appointment will be able to talk to you about it. I have Tokophobia and have been referred to the perinatal mental health team to see if I would benefit from talking therapy for it.

There is lots of information about it online. Maybe see if you can get this moved to the pregnancy boards too

Sarah180818 · 05/05/2020 10:29

It is completely natural to be scared but trust me once you go into labour, you will just deal with whatever happens. I have had three babies and all three births were different so there really is no preparing for what is to come.

Megan2018 · 05/05/2020 10:31

I was very anxious about birth and considered ELCS.
As it turned out I had a lovely easy pregnancy and vaginal birth and need not have worried.

During birth your body takes over, it is like nothing else. You will amaze yourself, however your baby is born, at what you can do. Don’t fear it, it was painful and brutal but I look back on it and think wow, it was incredible. I’d do it again right now.

It will be ok Smile but you’ll find the whole of pregnancy is a very anxious time, you will lie awake worrying about all of it. But once you can feel them moving you worry more about them and less about you I found.

NannyPear · 05/05/2020 10:32

Not unreasonable at all to be worried about it! I'd recommend you check out hypnobirthing (doesn't involve any sort of hypnosis btw!). I used the Positive Birth Company digital pack and it really helped. A lot of it comes down to knowledge of what your body is doing and being able to make informed decisions on your birth.

Original poster
topazdiamondsandemeralds · 05/05/2020 10:33

I'll look into tokophobia, thank you Flowers
@Megan2018 That sounds beautiful - thank you very much Smile

OP posts:
Pixiefringe · 05/05/2020 10:34

I was the same with my first but I'm actually looking forward to giving birth to my second. Your body will take over, you dont need to worry.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/05/2020 10:35

It's pretty unpleasant and unpredictable, but by the time you are nearing full term you will just want to not be pregnant any more so your fears will start to diminish! It doesn't go on for that long anyway. I think you are probably best to accept it's unpredictable, painful and can go wrong, but it's a means to an end. Rather than thinking you have any control or expecting any kind of wonderful experience because then you may end up feeling disappointed. Educate yourself on your options, don't read any horror stories, and think about meeting your baby!

SunbathingDragon · 05/05/2020 10:35

I think being anxious is normal but some people go beyond that and it can really debilitate them. When you meet with your midwife, ask what perinatal mental health facilities are available for you to see if there is a counsellor you can talk to. I’d also recommend doing some antenatal classes but make sure you go to one which gives a balanced view of everything - a c section can be a very positive experience but it’s more likely to be if you are properly prepared for all outcomes instead of focusing on assuming everything will be straightforward.

You also might find hypnobirthing helpful as well as pregnancy yoga.

RedRedWines · 05/05/2020 10:36

I used the positive birth company digital pack as well and its amazing! I went from terrified of birth and considering elcs to genuinely excited for it and having an amazing homebirth. The best thing you can do is learn more about birth and what happens, the more you know the less scared you’ll be.

Lolxx · 05/05/2020 10:38

I felt like this before I was pregnant. I used to cringe at the thought & feel physically sick! However now I’m 23 weeks & it doesn’t bother me. I think because I can now feel my baby move around & have so much excitement in just meeting him now the birth is just something I have to get through to have this little miracle. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still anxious but I don’t feel as physically crippled by it

KnobwithaK · 05/05/2020 10:41

Not unreasonable at all I don't think.

And (personally) I'm not sure that education helps with the fear - the more I read the more scared I am!

Still best to know though, of course.

june2007 · 05/05/2020 10:43

Yes it,s scary. But knowledge is power. An active birth reduces itervention. However if you need an ntervention it could save you or your child's life. NCT courses are very informative. Or look on their website there was a good DVD some years ago called happy birthday presented by Devina Mccol.. It may be on the nct website.?

Hedgehog44 · 05/05/2020 10:43

It's a scary thing but it's actually not that bad from personal experience and I would do it again. If it was that bad nobody would ever go back for a second go! Like someone else said, read lots. My the time you are nine months pregnant you will be so fat and uncomfortable and desperate to get the baby out you will want to be in labour, trust me!

Oysterbabe · 05/05/2020 11:01

Of course it's a natural fear. Try not to dwell on it and just take each day as it comes. Nearer the time some antinatal classes may help.

For what it's worth, I enjoyed both my births, which were fast and straightforward. I feel sad I won't get to do it all again as it was such an exciting and empowering experience.

2007Millie · 05/05/2020 11:03

Absolutely normal, within reason.

I found listening to hyponobirthing tracks really helpful.

Please do seek professional advice though if your anxiety gets too much

MunaZaldrizoti · 05/05/2020 11:05

This reply has been deleted

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LuckiestB · 05/05/2020 11:06

I was so scared, I am the sort of person that needs to know how badly wrong it can go etc etc and I was just so frightened every single day of my pregnancy. You know what though, I was so prepared for the worst and I had quite a traumatic birth by normal standards, and I’d do it again tomorrow. My boy is 13weeks old and it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I feel so proud of myself and of him, I am not the most maternal of people yet I feel like I bossed it (after lots of talking afterwards to all the AMAZING staff at the hospital)
Seriously, us women are born to do it, we are incredible and you will be incredible. Lots of support here, you can always pm me or probably anyone here for a kind word. You have a long way to go, try not to worry as much as you can. It’s got to happen and the mothers who have gone before you are there with you xxxx

Helen87609 · 05/05/2020 11:11

Another vote here for the positive birth company digital pack! I was super anxious but it really helped and I feel great about how my labour and birth went.

Lolxx · 05/05/2020 11:13

@MunaZaldrizoti why would you say that? The OP is already anxious & scared & you make a comment like that?

MuchTooTired · 05/05/2020 11:14

I’ve no idea what a vaginal birth is like as I had a surprise elcs with my DTs. However, it was absolutely bloody amazing! I was so scared I’d feel them cutting etc, but the anaesthetist was amazing and reassured me every step of the way.

Spacecudet · 05/05/2020 11:27

I did hypnobirthing for all 3 of mine. I didn't follow it religiously but being very relaxed during the births definitely helped. I would speak to a professional about your fears, being positive and relaxed approaching the birth would be best for you and baby.

CharDeeMacDennis · 05/05/2020 11:31

Totally normal. I was terrified. In fact I went into some sort of denial and refused to read or watch anything about it (I don't recommend this as a strategy!). Convinced myself it would end up a c-section so I wouldn't have to go through it.

Well, it just wasn't that bad. It was fine. It hurt, but it wasn't the pain-to-end-all-pains that I'd built it up to be in my head.

And I had this total relief afterwards that was genuinely one of the best feelings I've ever had. Like, I felt like I'd been through a battle and survived and now all I had to do was take care of myself. Not explaining it well, but it was ace.