To be terrified of birth?

[topazdiamondsandemeralds]

I made my account yesterday and, waking up in the early hours of the morning, wondered if you could all help me.
I'm a month pregnant, so no exactly obvious changes physically but I have been more emotional lately.
Something that has been on my mind is how terrified I am of giving birth - I don't know when it started, but I'm staying up until the early hours of the morning because it Is on my mind so much.
I'm scared of the possibility of a C section, of the idea of an epidural paralyzing me, baby being too big and tearing me apart etc.
Is this normal?
Am I being unreasonable to be so worried?

WTF, MunaZaldrizoti?? For one thing, that’s simply not true, and hasn’t been true in the UK for a long time. For another, why would you say something like that to an OP who’s already scared?

Tbf @MunaZaldrizoti didn't say "in the UK", and why is t such a bad thing to acknowledge that it's a natural (and logical) fear?

Op I was scheduled for a c section and absolutely terrified. Scared of the needle, scared of being paralysed, scared I'd feel it, scared of everything that could go wrong going wrong pretty much. I had counselling and hypnotherapy for it during pregnancy. I didn't sleep the night before.

Procedure went absolutely perfectly. Didn't feel the needle, didn't get paralysed! Felt nothing and before I knew it the baby was being held up. Then all I could think about was the baby.

It's perfectly normal to be scared. Seek out counselling if you think you need it.

Yeah it's normal to be scared. I can reassure you that it's completely completely worth it. I've given birth three times and would do it again. look into your options and educate yourself on pain relief methods.

I had three big babies and no tears so it doesn't have to happen and I also had the opportunity to use the birthing pool with all three and give birth in it with two. I would really recommend that.

I have tokophobia. Always have had. I remember hearing about birth when I was a teen and thinking the whole thing sounded barbaric even then. Delayed having kids for a decade.

Once pregnant, I tried to get rid of the phobia - did pregnancy yoga, NCT, Positive Birth Company, the whole lot. Lots of people tried to "reassure" me and every time they did, they made it worse ("I birthed two 10lb babies and tore from here to there both times and it was FIIINE" is not as reassuring as you think, thanks though). The more I learned, the more convinced I was that I absolutely did not want a vaginal delivery. Had a c section. It was fine. Baby was back to back and cord around neck so I definitely feel I dodged a bullet made the right decision for me.

The NHS did refer me to their psychologists. If I'd wanted to deliver vaginally, they would have helped with the anxieties. I definitely didn't though, and they supported me with that.

I had a c section because I was terrified of vaginal birth for a number of reasons. It was fine. Read the statistics - things go wrong, but it's rare that things go very wrong.

The person who ran our parents to be class at the hospital was brilliant, she thinks people are more scared of birth and death than they used to be, becuase both used to largely happen at home and Now they tend to happen in the hospital. It's scary but all you can do is go with the flow when the time comes!

YANBU OP, and many congrats by the way

Most mums are concerned about birth, try not to let fear overwhelm you.

I have had two DS and to be honest birth was a lot easier than I expected it to be.

Try to avoid scare stories, because that will feed into your fear & anxiety.

It’s amazing how quickly you forget the birth, it is so, so worth it when you have your baby in your arms. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Good luck OP

OP look up Hypnobirthing - it's a relaxation technique - nothing mystical about it - it teaches you to take control of your mind and while this doesn't ultimately control what happens in birth - it gives you a huge amount of control - I did it twice and found birth/ the pain of labour bearable and within my ability to cope - though yes, labour pains do hurt a lot. Second time I felt I got on top of the breathing so much it actually didn't hurt until right at the end - I could easily have given birth at home in my room - the pain only came when I had to travel.

I enjoyed birth - it's like climbing ben nevis- it hurts but it's a wonderful experience and you get a baby at the end!

I was exactly the same. Terrified of all of it - the lack of control, people fiddling with my vagina, laying there in stirrups pushing, the fear of tearing etc.

I did hypnobirthing which was awesome. Really helped me understand everything and feel in control, as well as wonderful relaxation techniques too. I actually ended up excited about labour and birth! I used the techniques all through labour (which was not straightforward at all). Ended up with an emergency c section, and despite all of that I feel like it was a positive experience- I put it all down to hypnobirthing helping me to feel more relaxed and have some control.

Yanbu ive had 3 baby's and still feel terrified I get worse every time but it's true when they say you forget all about it once the baby's in your arms .

I think it varies? Personally the idea never terrified me. I learned as much as I needed to about it, and then honestly tried not to dwell on it too much from there on in. Seems like wasted energy to worry about something inevitable, which you cannot avoid, or even imagine accurately what it will be like.
FWIW it was nothing like I imagined and generally a pleasant experience, I would love to do it again (although won't as two children is MORE than enough).

Yanbu, it's natural to be scared.

Another vote for the positive birth company digital pack, it helped me hugely (and like you needing a c-section was my big 'thing' that I was afraid of so I do know how you feel).

Hope u feel better soon

I put of motherhood as I was terrified of giving birth. At 37 I took the plunge. I was scared all through the pregnancy. Totally terrible of the birth and pain. I went to visit my consultant and begged him for a c section. He talked me out of it and promised an epidural as soon as I wanted it. I was being induced. The day I went in a cried all the way to the hospital. Once there, the nurses put me at ease. Once I started contacting I had gas and air. To tell you the truth looking back now 9 years on. I never had time to be scared or nervous when the shit hit the fan. Once I got my epidural it felt wonderful, I would def recommend it.

Totally normal, OP.
I think everyone shits themselves about the thought to begin with.

In my opinion, depending on how your mind works, you can deal with it one of two ways.

1. Find out as much info as possible, educate yourself about the process and look into hypnobirthing etc
2. (Like I did with my first) go into it without going to any classes, without a birth plan, just taking each stage as it comes, I much preferred not knowing anything.

A few people have said NCT classes made them
Worry more, a few said it made them feel more prepared. It’s entirely down to the person.

I had two very different births, my first was long but very very chilled and easy. He was a big baby, in excess of 9lb
My second was induced, needing a hormone drip, very fast, very painful, and he was in excess of 9lb too.

Both wouldn’t make me not want to do it again, I definitely wouldn't have a third because I’m happy with two, but it wouldn’t be the previous births that would put me off :) hope that makes sense.

Also as other posters have said, your body really does take over, it’s as if you know what to do.

Sorry forgot to mention first birth I only had diamorphine, second birth only gas and air. I never wanted epidural as I hate the thought of the needle in my back but I didn’t need it :)

I found researching everything helpful (I must had read mumsnet and then NHS websites back to front!).

I went to my nhs antenatal classes

I also went to hypnobirthing classes. 90% of the course is learning how your body works, what medical interferences might be needed and why. 10% is deep breathing and listening to relaxing guided meditations (which you then do at home) It gives you a lot of information and you feel far more in control.

Mine was an nhs Hynobirthing class so wasn't too woo-woo. Ask your midwife, she should be able to put you in touch with somebody.

I also decided not to worry about things until I NEEDED to worry about them. It's a technique that works for me. So if I found myself worried about my 12 week scan, I told myself I'd only let myself be anxious about it on the day itself. It kind of works, it let me switch off a bit and stop myself spiralling.

I also sat and thought about it... if I'm anxious all throughout this pregnancy, when will this stop? The day she's born? I doubt it. When she's at school? A teenager? Leaving home?

Figured that I'd always worry and be paranoid now I'm a mother, so I might as well not let it control my life.

Avoid watching "Bodies" at all costs then
Births were shown with a horrific gory detail

YANBU to be scared but I can tell you my experience. I have an elective C section. I explained my concerns to the anaesthetist before hand. I told him I was anxious, and felt sick and he made sure I got something for anxiety and nausea.
Didn't even feel the epidural going in. I was walking 6 hours later and discharged 24 hours after that. Pain was bearable. I've definitely felt worse pain. Recovery was very smooth and actually left me wondering if I'd have felt worse with a vaginal delivery though I guess I've nothing to compare it to.
Overall I had a really positive experience even though I was terrified, and I even found the surgery funny whilst they were operating.
Definitely read positive stories OP, because the internet is full of negative stories but they're just the minority. No one posts about the good stuff regularly.

Hi Op
Just gone through the thread quite quickly and i can't see that anyone has addressed your specific concerns yet apart from giving some great general advice :-)

Firstly, the epidural is bloody amazing. The anaesthetist does it between contractions so the procedure itself doesn't hurt.

The epidural doesn't paralyse you so put that out of your mind. It turns the volume down on the pain so you feel the pressure to push at the right time.

The scans and so on keep an eye on baby's size during pregnancy. Vaguely speaking, the more weight you gain during pregnancy, the bigger the baby might be, but that's an extremely rough measure as i piled on loads and my baby was 7lb.

In terms of tears, i personally recommend ze fantastisch german vag-machine the 'epi-no'. It looks like a sex toy but essentially preps your vag for birth in the weeks leading up to it. The germans invented it to avoid episiotomies and tears.

It isn't cheap and all my friends laughed at me but worth every penny as i didnt have any tearing and they all did. Just saying ;-)

Ask your midwife if you can have a birthing pool room. They're supposed to be relaxing x

Im 18 weeks pregnant with my first, and it’s not unreasonable for you to be scared. All my life I was convinced I would opt to have a c section because the thought of going through pain of labour terrified me.

After doing plenty of research and reading ‘the Positive birth book’ I feel a lot calmer. It is worth a read and has a few positive birth stories which I think is important to read as well as the bad ones, we always hear more about the bad ones, which increases anxiety around birth. As long as there are no complications in pregnancy I now have completely changed my mind and want a water birth.

I think getting as much info as possible really helps and you can prepare yourself.

I have three children. First was induced labour when I was 22 and my other babies were born when pfb was 12 and then 16 years old. PFB was eventually born by emergency c section after three days of hellish induced labour. My two elective sections were great. Calm and wonderful. Personally, I would terminate rather than go through labour again. I couldn’t bear it by the time it got to rushed c section with PFB and it took 11 years and counselling before I was ready to face pregnancy again. There is a reason my first and second hand a twelve year gap. The pain was horrific and not endurable again.

I was terrified of tearing beforehand and I did have second degree tears in my first two births but actually for me it was no big deal. I didn’t feel them happening, I didn’t have any pain during stitching and they never caused me any pain afterwards. I can’t even remember if it happened or not with my third birth!