To be terrified of birth?

[topazdiamondsandemeralds]

I made my account yesterday and, waking up in the early hours of the morning, wondered if you could all help me.
I'm a month pregnant, so no exactly obvious changes physically but I have been more emotional lately.
Something that has been on my mind is how terrified I am of giving birth - I don't know when it started, but I'm staying up until the early hours of the morning because it Is on my mind so much.
I'm scared of the possibility of a C section, of the idea of an epidural paralyzing me, baby being too big and tearing me apart etc.
Is this normal?
Am I being unreasonable to be so worried?

Elective sections are amazing

It's understandable to be fearful of the unknown. Unfortunately, a lot of the horror stories are gleefully shared but the vast majority of births are fine.

I oddly felt at peace when I saw some rock art depicting birth which was thousands of years old. I would be giving birth in a hospital with some of the best medical professionals in history, not in a cave! It kind of gave me the reassurance that you'll be well supported just take it as it comes.

If you find you're getting overwhelmed or anxious talk to your midwives, health professionals etc they'll be able to support you. You'll possiblity only do this once or twice, they see births everyday most are remarkably unremarkable

@topazdiamondsandemeralds I really relate to this. I’m nearly at the end now and it’s been a rollercoaster. So much so, I suffered appalling antenatal depression. All avoidable if I’d done what you did and talked to people. I kept it all inside and went to pieces.

I was scared of the unknown, the pain, not coping, being injured, not being listened to, my baby becoming unwell or stressed or stuck, it all being for nothing, having hugely negative associations, PTSD, losing control... as such I‘ve opted for an elective csection. Everyone has been super kind and super accommodating. I had NO judgement at all. And I too, was anxious about the spinal needle, my legs not coming back, one leg coming back, the trembles, bleeding, being sore etc. But it’s so routine for them, they’re so prepared and so calm, that I’m now quite looking forward to it!

If you wanted to talk things through, send me a private message. I can really empathise and may be able to help.

I can tell you I have had 4 vaginal births and a few months before I would get really worried about it. Then I got to the point I was so pregnant I just wanted baby out safely however that may be. When it actually happens you have so much adrenaline you tend to just get on with it so to speak. Try not to panic. Breathe! Practice this and listen to your body and have someone to advocate for you so that you really are listened to

Education is key, read up on as much as you can. Find out the different possibilities of how and where to deliver. Read about about what could go wrong and how to spot signs /symptoms but most importantly talk to your midwife and GP about your worries. It won't be easy, it will hurt but it is the most amazing thing to experience (you may not think that at the time). Lots of people have more than one so it cant be all that bad. And finally congratulations!

It’s actually a completely normal fear/phobia to have. It’s one of the most excruciating things a human being can experience so of course you’re naturally going to fear it, you’re also afraid of the unknown which is natural.

I was terrified about the same things you were talking about, and ended up doing a hypnobirthing course on my sister in law’s recommendation which changed everything for me.

Ended up having 2 children with no intervention and felt in control of the whole situation and an incredibly positive, empowering experience. A friend of mine also did hypnobirthing on my recommendation and ended up having a c-section due to complications and said that hypnobirthing had made it all totally manageable. Worth a Google and see if it might be for you ...

To the comment... They do it again it can't be that bad, actually it can and thousands live silently with hidden body issues, incontinence, both ways, prolapse, back injuries... All sorts!!

And intervention is fine.
. The way its presented as a failure or the worst thing that can happen... Is a failure of midwives.
It's a brain washing nct cult. It's a load of rubbish that candles and positive thinking will shrink a child's massive head that won't fit through the birth canal... Or turn a beech baby etc...

Few things u will get stitches if tear.
Your body tells you what to do listen to it.
Get them to pour water on your vagina when you feel the burning ring it helps massively

Sometimes your body doesn't tell you what to do. I have had 3 births and never got any urge to push.
We are not all made for it. It's called survival of the fittest. Some of us would naturally die in childbirth if it weren't for interventions.
You cannot control outcomes by thinking positively.
Many women are scarred physically and emotionally for a long time by their births. There is little support for this.
For some women it is a terrifying experience. Things go wrong. It hurts.
I strongly believe we do women a disservice by telling them 'it will be fine'.
Hopefully it will be fine. It often is.
But if it isn't, be open to getting adequate pain relief and support. It can be utterly gruesome and scary, and we should not have to pretend it isn't.

Hi OP,

It's normal to feel some anxiety but if your anxious thoughts are taking over, stopping you sleeping, causing you distress, please talk to your GP or midwife. Perinatal (ie antenatal or postnatal) anxiety is quite common and there is support available. CBT can be very helpful. I don't know what kind of perinatal mental health support is available atm but it is certainly worth asking.

As for anxiety about birth in particular, I really recommend that you look up the Positive Birth Movement - there are loads of resources on their website, including links to support groups, antenatal classes (lots still available online atm) etc. In my first pregnancy, I did a hypnobirthing class which I found very helpful - a face to face class might not be available during your pregnancy, but there are online courses eg the Positive Birth Company and others.

PS In response to the post before mine, I think it is possible to be positive but also acknowledge that birth might not go according to plan. The key is feeling that you can deal with whatever happens - which you can, with support.

To be honest you will probably be in too much pain to even know if you've teared, they will only make you aware after of cuts and tears I imagine. You can't plan or prepare that much fir the pain I found it horrendous and I wasn't even nervous for birth I was excited, I'm not saying that to sound scary or horrible but for some knowledge might help but I went to a anti nantal class and when they shown the doll being pushed through the canal and against the coxyic bone etc I just kept thinking of it during labour and if made me feel worse. You have to do it no matter what and you will get through it just demand pain relief early on if need be. Good Luck you will be fine

Gobbolinocat and thousands of us don't have any problems. I am tiny (under 5' tall) and had four large baby boys (the last one being just under 9lbs). I have no issues at all.

OP, read up and don't worry. My first was a bit horrid, as it was long and he was a bit in distress, but the other three were all lovely deliveries. My DH had some lovely oils made up specially for pregnant women in labour and he massaged my back which really kept me calm throughout.

Honestly, your body takes over and you'll be fine. Just keep moving around as much as you can. Best wishes.

YANBU to be worried.
People do tend to be all too keen to spread horror stories about birth.

I was pretty worried about it but I didn't look into hypnobirthing or anything like that.
However, my birth experience was actually really good. I'm not bragging but I want to share a little bit of positive experience because I went into it thinking that it was going to be the worst thing ever so I should just get it over with.

I was induced (which is not fun because I couldn't get the good painkillers on the induction ward), but as soon as things got going and I got on the gas and air I was feeling alright. I chose an epidural because I didn't have strong feelings about not having one and I wanted to reduce my pain as much as possible.
The guy who put my epidural in was amazing. I had to have the spinal as well and I kept contracting when he went to put the needle in but he did it quickly and efficiently and then I had no pain but just sensations. The moment just before the epidural went in was probably the worst for me.

I had a hard time after because I didn't expect how worn out I would feel after but I can honestly say it only took me about 3 weeks to heal until I felt fine.

This isn't to rub it in - I actually felt awful moaning about my 3 stitches when it turned out my sister in law had a LOT more- but we dont talk about how sometimes its just alright.

I would say hypnobirthing, exploring your pain relief options and educating yourself on the process are the best things.
I hope you have the best birth experience you can.

Please do look into hypnobirthing. I did the positive birth company digital pack and also read Ina May Gaskins book - Ina Mays Guide to Childbirth. It really helped me approach the event without fear.

It hurts but it’s for an amazing reward at the end and the gas and air makes it all feel bearable!
I would take giving birth over being pregnant and constantly nauseous if I had the choice.
It’s not THAT bad. Please don’t spent the whole time worrying.
You’ve just got to get it into your head that the pain is like no other in that it’s not indicating something untoward is happening. Your body is just doing it’s thing involuntarily.

I had an emergency caesarean with my second and I still remember that as a lovely day: didn't hurt, delivery team were absolutely sweet, didn't take long to recover and wasn't very painful- oh, and I had rather a nice little baby boy at the end.

Op I put off having a child for years be6i was so frightened.
I'm not going to lie I got pregnant one night after a heavy drinking session. I had a ' it's now or never ' attitude.
My pregnancy was ok but I was terrified so much so I made a will.
The night I went into labour with Ds1 I didnt have time to be scared. I'd spent lunchtime having mocktails and a bbq and I was nearly giving birth by 8.00pm. Adrenaline does kick in and you deal with what's happening there and then. If everything is going ok my labour had moments of excitement and moments where nothing much happened until the grand final!
Once da was born and I had time to reflect, in my case I can say I wound myself up thinking it was going to be a lot worse than it was!
The second time round, I let myself think of it as a journey and relaxed into and my pregnancy was much more enjoyable.

It's very normal but many people do it more than once . It's very frightening but you soon forget. Dont dwell in it as it will happen anyhow!

I had an epidural. Putting it in stung for 0.02 second and after that the pain lessened quite quickly and dissappeared completely after 30 minutes. The rest of my birth was just being bored and waiting. No drama, not felt uncomfortable, no sickness. If I'd known beforehand how absolutely fine I would feel (and how quickly I recovered after birth) I wouldn't have been scared one bit. I recommend that you read up on all your options and take control of the situation. There are things you can choose to do.

I had food poisoning about 7 months after giving birth, and a sickness bug about 8 months ago - I found childbirth much easier than going through them!

I had gas and air and found that really helped. I was uncomfortable rather than in real pain most of the time and the actual pushing was quite quick. I did have to have stitches afterwards but didn’t even feel them going in (thanks to more marvellous gas and air!), they never bothered me, I never had pain going to the loo or anything and I honestly felt pretty much back to normal (other than the bleeding) as soon as the baby and placenta were out.

You sort of forget about the impending thought of birth for a while. I know I did. I was terrified and I always said I didn't want kids because of the pain. It honestly wasn't that bad. I had gas and air and diamorphine. I said to the midwife I didn't find the pushing sore at all.

I have given birth 4 times , I won't go in to my first as it was a late miscarriage so it wasn't normal circumstances however even though my second birth I was terrified and pretty traumatised after what happened the first time , it was actually very special and although painful it wasn't more than I could handle I only had gas and air and when your baby gets out in your arms it's so magical you won't remember the pain .. It was much the same for my 3rd and my 4th was a complicated early birth were I was induced via a drip however I still just had had and air , my husband and my cousin were with me and we were laughing and having a pretty good time right up until he was born and I had to give him over to nicu after 20 minutes to be checked over 23rd and we had to stay in the special care baby unit but the midwives and doctors were all amazing and supportive it was actually nice staying in for a week ... Honestly your body knows what it's doing your be fine please don't be frightened educate yourself focus on meeting your baby , pack your hospital bag , look on YouTube for ideas , look up positive birth stories and don't forget lipbalm as your lips get so dry from had and air ! Also no-one will make you do anything you don't want to do , make a loose birth plan of things you agree to and things you don't want such as only an epidural as a last resort etc midwives are bloody wonderful people and they will do everything in there power to make sure you get the birth you want , also make your birth partner aware of your birth plan and try and talk though your worries with them x you be ok I promise x