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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children of essential workers in school

104 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 04/05/2020 23:02

need an AIBU reality check

My DH is an essential worker and when the lockdown started we were offered a place at DS2's primary school. We declined as I was at home and didn't need or want to send my 10 yo boy to school unless absolutely necessary. I have been WFH for the whole time.

I have a friend in the exact same position and had something of an argument with her as she decided to send her 10 yo son (and secondary daughters) to school as she found WFH difficult with her children there.

She is still sending her children to school and I find it almost irresponsible. She is putting her children and the teachers at risk because she wants some peace and quiet.

However please tell me if I am way off the mark with this? Maybe I am being over cautious

OP posts:
Firstawake · 05/05/2020 09:25

Sounds like the school has made a mistake in offering her the place and she's made the most of it.

CodenameVillanelle · 05/05/2020 09:30

@firstawake why do you think they made a mistake? The places are available (or should be) for keyworkers who have no alternative childcare. There is no stipulation that you have to go out to work - keyworkers also need to work from home without also looking after/homeschooling their children.

Chiyo666 · 05/05/2020 09:40

I couldn’t do my job with a 5 year old, 3 year old and 6 month old as a lone parent mine went to school and nursery while I worked. Luckily I’m on leave now so I don’t have to buy you don’t know what each persons job entails unless you’ve actually done it yourself.

Firstawake · 05/05/2020 09:41

The post says the husband is the essential worker and the wife does not need childcare even though she is working from home.... She has a friend in the exact same position.
I'm just commenting on what is written.

LadyPenelope68 · 05/05/2020 09:42

Even if you're offered a lace, the guidance is clear - you should only send them in unless there is nobody at home to care for them. In this case, there is someone. As a teacher, I think she is behaving appallingly, as she's putting her children, other children and the teachers at risk just so she can work in peace. Absolutely selfish.

namechangenumber2 · 05/05/2020 09:46

One of my friends works in the school her youngest attends, She is a TA currently on a rota. She posts photos of her daughter in her uniform at school - about how amazing it is her daughter loves being at school goes to work with her - even though her Dad is at home. I can't help but feel that's irresponsible, but what can you say?!

Firstawake · 05/05/2020 09:47

@LadyPenelope68 totally agree.

TinnedPearsForPudding · 05/05/2020 09:53

It's interesting how LAs & schools differ on this. We had to provide evidence that both DH & I are key workers before we could access the childcare provided at our son's school. I know friends who applied on the basis of one parent being a key worker (in a 2 parent family) and were told they could not have a place

Jeezoh · 05/05/2020 09:57

You’re not her friend! Your OP says she’s finding it difficult to WFH with her children around so presumably that’s why she’s using the school as she’s entitled to do so?

Jeezoh · 05/05/2020 09:58

Is it conceivable that she needs peace to do her work? She’s been designated as a keyworker so presumably she’s doing something necessary.

Mia1415 · 05/05/2020 10:01

YABVU don't judge. I'm WFH and could send my DS to school as I'm a key worker. I have been very close to doing it on a number of occasions. And if he wasn't vulnerable (not in the shielding category but close to it) I would have done.

Tigertrees · 05/05/2020 10:01

At no point has the OP confirmed that her friend is a key worker - am I wrong?
I would not want my dc mixing (and they will be mixing at close quarters) with the dc of frontline workers unless I had to
Very few secondary age children should need to go in at all.

Fedup21 · 05/05/2020 10:03

My child is not a significant risk of transmission when he goes to school 2 days a week

They are at an increased risk, as they are mixing with more people. Those people (KW children and school staff or anyone they live with or come into contact with) may well not have been taking all advised precautions.

But we’ll all be back soon, so it probably doesn’t matter anyway now.

Thehop · 05/05/2020 10:03

I think she’s being selfish.

saraclara · 05/05/2020 10:04

It's interesting how LAs & schools differ on this.

Yep. And also interesting that people just aren't acknowledging this.

The schools around me differ considerably. Which is unsrurprising when you think about it. They have different catchment areas - some where there are more vulnerable children than average, for instance. Some have more staff available than others, depending on various health vulnerablilities.
If, based on those and other factors, they're able to offer a higher or lower percentage of their pupils a place, they're going to have different criteria.
You just can't make assumptions about other parents or schools. There is no one rule or set of criteria for schools at the moment.

imsooverthisdrama · 05/05/2020 10:07

Why do people feel the need to pass comments on something that has nothing to do with them .
She has sent them to school big deal she feels the risk is low . You think otherwise fine you keep your dc home but don't tell others what they should and shouldn't do .
It's been said before but people have behaved extremely appalling during this pandemic the judging is disgusting.

imsooverthisdrama · 05/05/2020 10:10

At no point has the OP confirmed that her friend is a key worker - am I wrong?
No she said and I quote I have a friend in the exact same position this was the first post .
Children can only go to school if key workers, or vulnerable.

Tigertrees · 05/05/2020 10:14

But the OP is not a key worker and has a place based on her dh being one. In many areas that would not be enough for a place, in some it would.

Beautiful3 · 05/05/2020 10:15

I think that it's none of your business. Stop judging.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 05/05/2020 10:20

because she wants some peace and quiet

No, because she wants to do her job. That you find it perfectly easy to wfh with your child there is irrelevant. You aren't her. Your dc isn't her dc. Her experience is not yours.

ArtieFufkinPolymerRecords · 05/05/2020 10:21

Our school made it very clear to parents that it was only expecting parents who could not look after their children at home to send them in, so if someone is WFH they should not be sending them in to school.

NerdImmunity · 05/05/2020 10:32

We were offered a place at school/nursery for our DCs - DH is a keyworker and I'm WFH 4 days/week during this pandemic. DCs aged between 10 and 3.5. The school and nursery were quite explicit in saying that whilst spaces are being offered it is to be accepted by parents only where there is a genuine need (i.e. both parents are out of the house or other conditions). We declined all spaces, and I feel more comfortable with this anyway as I didn't like thought of DCs possibly picking up Covid from their school/nursery settings along with DH bringing it back from work. Also, the school and nursery are not providing education at the moment and DCs friends will not be there with them so they weren't keen to attend either.

Don't get me wrong - life is tough at the moment. Working, schooling and taking care of the kids alone whilst DH is at work is hard. I've started to shift my day so I do a few hours in the morning then 1:1 with DCs until 4:30pm when DH comes home, then I work until about 8pm (or later if I have lots of deadlines). It's tiring but I feel we're capable of muddling through at home like this so we are not truly in need of the school space.

TabbyMumz · 05/05/2020 10:42

Not everyone has taken up the places. I know someone who is going to work and leaving her children at home rather than take up the place. They about 14 and 8. Shes out from 7.30am to 8.30pm, so presume cant get them there or do pick up.

Yellowbutterfly1 · 05/05/2020 10:43

I have a child with an ECHP, they we’re initially offered a place to continue attending their special needs college the. After 2 days I was called to say it will be for Key worker children only.
My husband is on the GOV list of key workers and not always able to work from home, however I was never asked if he was or not.

I decided not to sent them as I am at home but at this point I wish I was able to, for my child mental heath.

Maybe your friend has decided that it is best for her children’s well-being for them to go in.

Shopkinsdoll · 05/05/2020 10:46

No if she’s working from home, the kids should be home as well. You’ll get flamed at this on mumsnet for this though!