Children of essential workers in school

[FunnysInLaJardin]

need an AIBU reality check

My DH is an essential worker and when the lockdown started we were offered a place at DS2's primary school. We declined as I was at home and didn't need or want to send my 10 yo boy to school unless absolutely necessary. I have been WFH for the whole time.

I have a friend in the exact same position and had something of an argument with her as she decided to send her 10 yo son (and secondary daughters) to school as she found WFH difficult with her children there.

She is still sending her children to school and I find it almost irresponsible. She is putting her children and the teachers at risk because she wants some peace and quiet.

However please tell me if I am way off the mark with this? Maybe I am being over cautious

My DC’s school said both parents had to be keyworkers in a two parent family and they wanted to see evidence too.

I think you'd be better off focusing on your own family.

Sounds like she is trying to continue her job by WFH, not necessarily seeking "peace & quiet"...do you know what her job involves?

It may be that she requires 100% focus & is being distracted by her children

In any case, they've been offered a place to attend school

Focus on your own family & life

In our LA school staff with children are not given school places. You need to work from home with them.

The children I had yesterday in the hub all have been in since day one. They know the drill and get on fine. If there are in the least bit ill there are procedures in the place to send them home.

I actually think I am more likely to catch something at the supermarket than work.

"I'm afraid that my view still is that the person in question is being entirely selfish and putting her DC and the teachers at risk."

We aren't seeing transmission happening in schools. In the case of a high School Teacher who died, she'd been in contact with a family member who had it before her. None of the pupils or her colleagues went on to have symptoms.

We know the 10 year old won't trasmit it, we don't know about the teens, but we aren't seeing it happen. In other situations like refugee camps, or religious boarding schools in other countries, we aren't seeing a pattern of infection.

These things are shaping how the world comes out of lock down.

You can't just declare 'everyone's a risk', you've got to follow the findings. We will have to live and work around the virus. It's important to keep up to date, to minimise transmission and stop all the judgement.

As said OP, you have one child, she has three, all getting to volatile ages. But people should be calming down. It reminds me of the Aids crisis and people not believing that you couldn't just catch it and wanting those with HIV shipping off somewhere. Look at the infection route and properly calculate risk.

@Hollyhobbi what do the children of doctors & nurses do? Do the parents not go to work?

Fundamentally, people need to work to get paid to pay their bills. It's perfectly simple. Mind your own business and be thankful you are not in her position. I managed 2 weeks of WFH with my 1 year old before I cracked - luckily I was furloughed. I genuinely can't understand how a group of mums on a social media platform have to be so incredibly vile to working women in 2020. Wind your neck in and crack on with your life.

It’s not true that all children of keyworkers are being offered a place. DH is a keyworker and we were turned down (quite rightly) because DS can be looked after at home - I should be a keyworker too but the school didn’t recognise it. It’s fine though, we understand and got on with it. My general bugbear is that it’s isn’t being applied consistantly - our neighbour is a nurse but her DP works for an IT company and can work at home - they were turned down a place as their DD can be looked after at home by her DF - but 2 miles up the road, different school, my other friend is a physio in a hospital and her DH works from home and their DCs school offered their kids a place no problem. It’s really not being applied consistently! These kids are all 5 so do need supervision.

• It has been very clear in literature sent home that children of key workers should only be sent in if there is no one else to look after them at home. Your friend is taking the piss.*

^this

She's being selfish & stupid. Not much you can do though and it's the schools fault for letting her. Unfortunately the decision is often made by someone not actually looking after the children.

Nothing has been proven about transmission by children yet. The official line is that even healthy fit grandparents shouldn't be looking after grandchildren, so why is it acceptable to have teachers looking after them -they don't have any special bloody immunity to this & many may be more vulnerable than the grandparents

It's one thing when two keywords or key worker single parent NEED childcare, ir very vulnerable kids need it, but they have been very clear unless your child is vulnerable if there's an adult at home the children should be kept at home.

Our school have been crystal clear that both parents must be keyworkers (which we are) and both parents must be working away from home to qualify (which we're not as often one parent or both ends up WFH). Our jobs are of a very non child friendly manner but we have had to adapt how we manage our day so that we take calls out of earshot and our children have watched way too much TV or done too much gaming for our liking but needs must.

Dh and I are both keyworkers. Usually we work opposite shifts but for the last four weeks we've been on almost the same shift. We discussed it with dd who is 13 and shes happy to be home alone from very early morning to just after dinner.
I'd rather someone who absolutely needed the place had it.

Everyone's circumstances are different.

I think it's all too easy to judge without knowing someone else's situation. I had a strip torn off me at the start of lockdown by someone for sending DS (2)to nursery when we were both WFH. DD (5) we have kept at home rather than sending to school as she is easier to occupy. She knew nothing about our context, we are both key workers and our workload doubled pretty much overnight, it was impossible to have DS at home as he just wanted to play or climb on my lap as he doesn't understand. I would have had to have taken unpaid time off if we kept him home as working and looking after him for a prolonged period just isn't possible. I've seen the same person post just yesterday that people who wfh full time and have children at home are amazing and she doesn't know how they do it. Funny how her tune has changed over the course of a few weeks!

YANBU

I don’t understand why anyone would put their children at unnecessary risk.

Our school have been crystal clear that both parents must be keyworkers (which we are) and both parents must be working away from home to qualify

Your school is not applying the law properly, then.

A friend and her husband are both key workers but when they were offered a place they declined it as one of the jobs could be done at home and with their little one in tow (charity sector, organising food banks etc). But the demands on both their jobs has changed and it's becoming impossible with a toddler. They can't get their daughters place back for love nor money! Anyway, my point is that just because your friend is WFH doesn't mean her job isn't essential, it doesn't just include the NHS. It also includes the people that make things like udder sanitizer for the agricultural industry (yep, that's a job). But also that she is entitled to it and so so many people either weren't or declined it because they thought they were doing a good thing.

It is depressing what a judgemental society we have become.

The government actually intended and wanted more parents to send their children in. Schools didn't like it - but have we had outbreaks at schools? I Haven't read of any.

The evidence is beginning to show that children are not vectors of transmission - in Switserland under 10s have been classed as such a low risk they can hug their grandparents.

IN order to move back to normality we will all need to stop judging each other.

Maybe being at home all day alone with her children would make her feel mentally unwell - I can't imagine getting my job done if my partner was out of the house all day - so keep your beak out.

I work in a nursery open for key children. I don’t feel particularly at risk as the children are the same ones each week and parents don’t come into the building. The children have been healthier than usual!

If parents need to use nursery/school then they can so long as at least one parent is a key worker and can evidence this. Whether or not it’s right when the other parent is home probably depends on their wfh commitment. This family have obviously weighed up the risks and decided to send them in. We have wfh keyworkers but who can’t be disturbed by their toddlers during the calls they need to make.

Everyone is doing what works for their families during this time.

I think working from home and educating children at the same time is difficult really .I think they are still at risk if her DH is an essential worker anyway .Surely it is her decision at the end of the day? She is not doing anything wrong just taking up places offered to her.

As we come forward out of this lockdown I"m worried that the judgement and fear I read here is goign to stop normal life returning.

The majority of people who even catch Covid won't get seriously ill with it - I think people have lost sight of this. It's not a risk to most of us - we went into lockdown to prevent the NHS being overwhelmed. We won't have a vaccine for years and we need to live our lives again.

They are doing untold damage to child health across the UK by shutting society down like this - particularly painful to see when children don't suffer at all from Covid (apart from a few rare outlier cases)

Stay out of your ‘friends’ damned business. You have no idea if her situation and shouldn’t be slagging off and inviting strangers to slag off your ‘friends’ when you don’t have all of the facts. I say this as someone with 2 young kids at home.

Can’t stand this behaviour and I hope people remember how some people behaved during this crisis when it’s all over.

she found WFH difficult with her children there

she found WFH difficult with her children there

she found WFH difficult with her children there

What about this don't you understand? She's being paid to do her job, which as she's a keyworker is clearly an important one. She can't do it properly with her children around so she availed herself of the school place she's entitled to, in order to do her job. Fuck sake.

Our school have been crystal clear that both parents must be keyworkers (which we are) and both parents must be working away from home to qualify

Your school has no right to make such a stipulation

“A friend” in the loosest sense of the word

This pandemic has caused half the population to lose their damn minds.

My child is not a significant risk of transmission when he goes to school 2 days a week, because the entire rest of the time he's at home, and I am taking all advised precautions when I go out, which means I am at very low risk of bringing the virus back home to him.

I despair of people, I really do

She is risking the lives of her family and others

How though? Please explain, with logical reasoning.

If she's been offered a place it's because she's allowed one. Just because you choose not to send your children doesn't mean you get to decide for other people's children.

Are her children at the same school as yours? in my experience, not all schools are using the same criteria, depending on demand. So though the person who spoke to your DH made a place dependent on some very strict criteria, her kid's schools might not have.

Anyway, one of the worst things about this crisis is the sticky beaked judgmentalism going around. Just stop it and focus on your own life.