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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children of essential workers in school

104 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 04/05/2020 23:02

need an AIBU reality check

My DH is an essential worker and when the lockdown started we were offered a place at DS2's primary school. We declined as I was at home and didn't need or want to send my 10 yo boy to school unless absolutely necessary. I have been WFH for the whole time.

I have a friend in the exact same position and had something of an argument with her as she decided to send her 10 yo son (and secondary daughters) to school as she found WFH difficult with her children there.

She is still sending her children to school and I find it almost irresponsible. She is putting her children and the teachers at risk because she wants some peace and quiet.

However please tell me if I am way off the mark with this? Maybe I am being over cautious

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 04/05/2020 23:32

I am a key worker dh is not and is working from home. The school authority in our area have been very clear that if only one parent is a key worker then the children should remain at home with the other parent. It is very difficult to work from home with young toddlers who cannot entertain themselves for longer than 30 minutes however Dh didn't even consider putting either child in nursery and has managed his workload. It works for us and also helps that dh's work are a very big employer and very family friendly. He has an approachable boss too which your friend might not have.

If this is true then your friend is being unreasonable but she may have other reasons. I don't see why this bothers you though?

Koddii · 04/05/2020 23:33

Is your friendship over because you disagree with what she is doing or will you stay friends?

B0bbin · 04/05/2020 23:34

You keep kids at home with you unless it would be unsafe to do so- i understand if people are keyworkers and some of their work is from home, e.g social worker, theyy are constantly on confidential calls and it might not be safe. However, just sending them in to avoid the inconvenience would not be ok with me. Me and DP are both keyworkers and I do my work from home bit at night times. I could probably be cheeky and put DS in nursery but i only do that when I'm physically in work.

sotiredwe · 04/05/2020 23:37

My friend is wfh & has sent 2 of her kids in. I'm wfh but haven't. The difference is she has a 6 & 5 yo & a 2 yo plus she's works in pharmaceuticals and doing 12 hour days sometimes. Im p/t & can do my work in the evening/early morning if necessary.

Quartz2208 · 04/05/2020 23:38

do you do the exact same job with exactly the same children because otherwise no you are not in the same decision.

You have made the decision you feel is right she made hers.

And I wish people would stop with the guinea pig comments - it offensive. This isnt an experiment to collect data its a real pandemic where people are doing the best they can to get through it

ghislaine · 04/05/2020 23:42

Have you considered it might be in the children’s best interests to be in school? Neither DH nor I are key workers but DS’s psychiatrist strongly recommended that he return to school for the sake of his mental health. Schools have a discretion to take children outside key workers’ kids. I am very grateful that the school agreed.

Greysparkles · 04/05/2020 23:47

My eyes could not roll harder if they tried.

Stop bitching about your friends on mumsnet

INeedNewShoes · 05/05/2020 00:03

You could be typing this about a friend of mine. Both parents are key workers, but only one has needed to travel for work.

The thing is, I know WHY they’ve taken the decision to put their DC in school/nursery even though some might view it as unnecessary. I’m not going to disclose their circumstances here but suffice to say that they have good reason even if it might not be immediately obvious to some of their ‘friends’.

Hollyhobbi · 05/05/2020 00:22

I'm not sure how ye would manage over here in Ireland! All schools and creches have been shut since 6pm on the 12th of March! And the schools won't be back open until September at the earliest.

Happymum12345 · 05/05/2020 00:22

I think it’s wrong to send your children into school if you’re wfh, especially if they’re older as op said. It is hard, I know, to work and be a parent at the same time but it is what it is.

FlapAttack23 · 05/05/2020 00:26

Beak out, beaky

workercovid · 05/05/2020 00:41

Mine are going to school. I am a key worker working from home as is my husband but I suppose you would be happy for your doctor or nurse to be interrupted or not send off reports or book tests because they are distracted. It is not possible to work from home and do a job, any job, let alone one where we are now doing double our workload plus admin as the admins are not available to do it any more as not at the same site. I am personal sick to death of people who think just because they don't have an issue the other person is in the wrong. You are like the 100's of people on social media everyday claiming they had to go to a supermarket for bread and milk and moaning about all the people there who don't need to be. I marvel at your ability to know exactly what people are up to and what they need. worry about what you are doing, find a hobby which occupies your mind and stops you twisting the curtain.
In cases of blatant stupidity such as a party report to the police non emergency number not face book or mums net.

Glitteryone · 05/05/2020 00:44

YABU

She wouldn’t have been offered space for her kids if not entitled.

With a friend like you, who needs enemies?

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 05/05/2020 00:54

Some discussions can not be had around others they are strictly confidential and not only that some discussions are not for children to overhear (not everyone has an office at home at the end of the garden)

So some keyworkers even if they are working from home have to send their children into school

Ds goes in when I am at work I can split my time so the work I do at home doesn’t involve phone calls/video calls

cabbageking · 05/05/2020 01:05

They are key workers and school have offered her a place.

It is up to her to accept or refuse same as for every other key worker.

HereTodayHereTomorrow · 05/05/2020 01:09

YANBU
the guidance is clear. If children are safe at home, they should stay at home. It’s a pandemic, she’s being irresponsible.

greenlynx · 05/05/2020 01:11

I’m all for keeping children at home but can’t tell in this situation if she’s right ( or wrong) as I don’t know her circumstances, eg. GPs are doing telephone consultations so probably from home, they won’t be able to manage this with their DC around.

Ilovecats14 · 05/05/2020 01:34

YANBU my son could have gone to school. But why would I send him if I'm WFH.

Ilovecats14 · 05/05/2020 01:45

I've been doing telephone appointments from home and was told to make sure my phone is not on loud speaker or to wear headphones so my son can't hear the other person for client confidentiality reasons. Doesnt help that I start every call with 'is this Mr so and so'. Mines older though I understand it's probably not possible with younger ones. OPs friends children are older though.

Sweetheart1313 · 05/05/2020 01:48

It’s

none

of

your

business

TheFuckingDogs · 05/05/2020 06:09

None of your business. Also not that clear cut. We know people where wife is a nurse. Husband not a key worker but works away from the home in a non-essential role. This is permissible. If he wasn’t also working they wouldn’t have enough money. Therefore despite only one parent being a key worker children need to be in school.
Also some people’s jobs even when working from home mean kids being there isn’t ideal - social workers dealing with complex child protection. . . 4 year old playing barbies or helicopters or whatever in the background - completely inappropriate

Sparklehead · 05/05/2020 07:01

I am an NHS key worker, working full-time in a hospital. My DH is a university lecturer, also full-time and expected to give his lectures online, have zoom meetings with students, continue with research etc. We have three primary-aged DC. We’ve just started sending our DC in one day a week, so DH can get at least a bit of work done, as he’s unable to do any work when the DC are with him. I agonised over whether this was the right thing to do, but, in the end, decided that, on balance, the benefits from a day in school outweighed the risks, and allow us to spend one day of the weekend together as a family.
This situation is difficult enough as it is without judgemental people like OP and some other posters. Comments such as using the children as ‘guinea-pigs’, being ‘selfish’, or putting our DC at risk are just horrible and unkind. We are all in different personal circumstances, making hard decisions, trying to do what’s best for our families. If I had a choice, would I be working on the frontline every day? Absolutely not. I’d be home, in my safe bubble, home schooling my children. But I do what I have to do, and our DC have their one day at school. Please don’t judge your friend. Instead show some kindness in these difficult times.

justdontatme · 05/05/2020 07:08

hollyhobbi is there no childcare for any key workers or anything? How does a nurse married to a doctor manage to get to work?

Spikeyball · 05/05/2020 07:11

People like you OP have caused a lot of abuse to be directed at people living in very difficult situations with children with very complex needs. People like you questioning why others are in school will have also led to some vulnerable children who would be better off in school, being kept at home.

IHateCoronavirus · 05/05/2020 07:17

She is taking the piss, if she is home the children should’ve too. It is impossible to socially distance in school even amongst the few key worker children. She is risking the lives of her family and others.