People should give young kids a break?

[Hottoddy1]

So I work as a healthcare professional 3 days per week, husband has an office job he is now having to WFH 4 days per week. We have 3 kids age 6, 3 and 1. We’re now trying to work around having no childcare or grandparent help so I’ve switched to working 1 day in the weekend and husband does other day + working early mornings and late evenings. We have little family time due to this. It’s been tough and I had (swab confirmed because of my job) covid early April, quarantine period and straight back and am only just starting to feel energy levels return.
Anyway we live in a city but luckily near a big wood/nature reserve where one of us takes the kids every day. Although many people are nice and smile some people are really difficult and it’s getting me down. Minor examples are tutting at 6 year old sitting on the grass looking at ladybirds and asking my husband to “get your child away” Most of the people tutting are older and presumably in the vulnerable category.
Yesterday Dh was at an area where the path is relatively narrow and the 3 year old was lagging behind so he was waiting. A woman came past the 3 year old and he pulled the buggy into the side as much as he could but she asked him in an angry way to move on because her husband had cancer. She wouldn’t have had to walk right next to him but it would have been about 1.2 m distance I guess, not the full 2m. He politely pointed out he couldn’t leave the 3 year old and she huffed and puffed and then walked by.
I get that the women and other people are terribly stressed by this and it’s a horrible feeling. We have explained to the children and they try and the 6 year old is really very good. But you cannot expect kids to remember and follow all the rules all the time. If you really feel you are in terrible danger if a child comes within 2m of you why come to a nature reserve in the city in the middle of the afternoon? It’s light until 9.30pm around here; if I’ve been working I often pop out for some air at 8pm and it’s quiet, just one or two dog walkers who as adults are fully able to social distance. It’s shit for little kids this, my 3 year old was in tears when I left for work as he’s worried I’ll get “the virus” he picks up on a lot but doesn’t really understand it so it’s tricky to explain stuff, people ostensibly dashing away from him doesn’t help. So if you’re vulnerable, you have my sympathy but AIBU to say in the middle of the day, give the kids some space and cut us a bit of slack.

In case it helps anyone, we get our kids to socially distance on walks by playing the spy game. Everyone is a spy. We have a mission to get to the church, particular tree, funny house etc but can't be spotted by the other spies or our mission will fail. If we see anyone coming we have to hide/run away/go down a different street. Helps them to socially distance in a fun, non-scary way. They now ask for spy walks. They're all infants/ pre-school.

@Elephant10 “
I haven’t had much of this when out walking with my 4yo - nothing verbal but people moving off or crossing to the other side of the street which thankfully my son didn’t notice”

Thankfully your son didnt notice? What are you on about? This has nothing to do with your son. It’s polite and proper social distancing. When myself & DH are our walking we automatically cross the road if anyone is coming near us. Doesn’t matter who it is. You’re taking it a bit to personally to assume that really they’re trying to avoid your little darling.

@hottoddy I find it odd you say why should your kids have to do something that is ‘of no benefit to them’ ie be considerate of others - while the whole point of your post is that others should be considerate and nicer to your children - which is of no benefit to them....

I think the woman shouldn’t have caused a scene but equally your husband shouldn’t have let your child lag behind. These are not normal times and we all need to compromise.

I went for a walk yesterday afternoon and had to turn back as the road was literally full of other people. As I got to a housing estate it was like a mass exodus, young mothers walking side by side with huge prams having a catch up. Children running around in a main road, dog walkers everywhere.

I'm not particularly anxious but god it really concerned me. I couldn't go anywhere

Imagine being such an embittered sod that you resent a small child learning how to walk.

justanotherneighinparadise They can “learn to walk” where it doesn’t inconvenience people.

I suppose the point I’m making is that children are sacrificing a lot - their education, their friends. This will affect them more than adults - 6 weeks is a much longer time for a 3 year old than a adult. My 3 year old had really just started making friends. They can’t understand and they can’t compensate in the same way as adults - even the 6 year old isn’t great on video calls and the 3 year old definitely can’t do. The sacrifice will be ongoing - my husband and I as tax payers in our thirties will also bear the burden of the years of austerity to come, I have a safe public sector job but pretty sure there will be pay cuts. He could lose his job in a downturn. All the people who have commented appear late sixties/early seventies therefore probably retired/mortgage paid off so likely to be much less affected. I support the lockdown and am glad we averted the scenes from Italy and Spain and I also have vulnerable friends and relatives who I would not want to get sick. But the kids and young people are being badly hurt through this so deserve tolerance and understanding of normal age appropriate behaviours.

The same people being rude to you are the same people out clapping for you on a Thursday night, the ignorance is appalling! I don’t understand when it’s became people’s duties to tell others how to live their life. Ignore rude people & continue to do the best you can with the circumstances dealt to you. The chances of someone actually catching covid from a 3 year old slightly less than 2m away is ridiculous 😂

All the people who have commented appear late sixties/early seventies therefore probably retired/mortgage paid off so likely to be much less affected.

Yes I'm sure they are all having a whale of a time throughout this and haven't sacrificed anything at all, not like our dear children. Why can't everyone just be considerate of everyone?

understand that kids are not able to perfectly social distance all the time

They may not so as a parent you either ensure they do or change where you take them or the time etc. They are your responsibility. The rules are there to ensure people can still exercise safely. We are lucky we can still go out, lots of places can’t.

Yes people shouldn’t be shouting but it’s not to much to ask that parents ensure their children follow the rules.

For the time being, you have to adapt and avoid paths without a clear 2m leeway. I’m hardly going out but have to take the dog out twice a week to stretch her legs a bit more than the garden does. So I’m doing it at odd times (which you could probably do too, if my 3 year olds were anything to go by 😁) and have reworked the route to avoid such difficulties.
Timing it right, hardly see anybody (in a medium sized town).

We all have to consider everyone else too atm.

People are scared , that's why they're hostile. It's nothing personal. I'd rather risk it than live in fear like that though. No quality of life.

OP, UADNBU. I am a 62 year woman with several severe chronic illnesses. I have been told to self-isolate, but that it is not necessary for me to actually shield, so I can go out for a walk. However, I will not do that, I have not been outside the house since 14th March, one of the reasons for staying at home is that I do not want to add to the chances of children, and their parents getting Covid 19. Young children more than any other groups of people must be allowed to run around outside to let off steam, for both their physical and mental good health. That woman and her husband with cancer can stay at home, there is no need for them to risk their health in this way. Young children and their parents should definitely have priority (along with all key workers), over exercise space, and time.

I understand they are missing out, Long term effects on a 3 year old is a stretch tho because they will forget this in a year or so. My older kids are sacrificing alot, the difference is they will remember this which is why I'm supporting them either this. They also deserve tolerance but I don't let do what they normally do which is good on bike rides with friends and play footie in tne park ( you OP would complain if there was groups of older kids and teens congregating) they are also missing out on whathe is natural to them and are upset but that does not give me free reign to allow them to do these things. The same applies to toddlers and social distancing.

All the people who have commented appear late sixties/early seventies therefore probably retired/mortgage paid off so likely to be much less affected.

Apart from all of the people talking about their own toddlers? This is incredibly patronising. Oh woe, it may affect me more than other people so I can ignore their replies.

But the kids and young people are being badly hurt through this so deserve tolerance and understanding of normal age appropriate behaviours.

Everyone is being badly hurt. Everyone. I live alone and have not had an in-person conversation other than "Thank you" to the cashier in Tesco's for 7 weeks. I can tolerate and understand the kids, I cannot tolerate the parents doing nothing and "they're just kids".

Toddlers are missing out on very important parts of social development, they may not remember it but that doesnt mean it wont impact them, in the same way that none of us remember learning to talk, that doesnt mean that teaching babies sounds and words isn't important. Of course everybody is sacrificing things and nobody is having a good time of it but we can't be dismissive of young children because they wont remember this time.

Sympathise. And no you shouldn't keep your DC in at peak times. Everyone is responsible to risk assess what time of day they feel is safe to go out.

I've started avoiding the nature walks round here and going on streets instead because I was sick of the judgemental looks. The paths are maybe 60cm wide and fenced or forested so not able to distance much.

My thought is, if people are that bothered about 2m distance why don't THEY stick to the streets for their exercise. We're on the edge of town with some lovely views from the streets so no great need to go into the narrow forest areas.

Not the child's fault of course. Maybe change the title to "People should give DPs who can't look after the kids properly a break"

Toddlers may well be missing out on parts of social development. So are older kids, so are teens. Older kids and teens still have to abide by social distancing and so should toddlers. They don't get a free pass to infect others just because of their age.

YANBU This is like a parody thread. I’m glad I live abroad where people don’t seem to have absolutely lost their minds.

I never said that toddlers should get a free pass (they are no more likely to 'infect' people than anybody else, in fact there is evidence to indicate that those under the age of 10 are less likely to pass the virus on) I said that we shouldn't be dismissive of them because they wont remember. Older children and teenagers have gone through that crucial stage of social development, so again, whilst it is by no means easy for them, very young children are the ones who are most likely to impacted long term.

Just to clarify i really do not mean that toddlers shouldn't have to abide by social distancing - of course they should.

Wow - the lack of tolerance here is breathtaking! It isn't for one particularly group or other to be 'more tolerant' or to 'step aside'. It's everyone's responsibility to do the best they can to social distance. If you can't, or won't, then don't go to places where it's a challenge e.g. places with narrow paths.

I do my best to stick to social distancing rules (and encourage my child to do likewise) - largely for the peace of mind of other people. In reality, it's more than likely to be a crock of horseshit, and from the noises currently being made by politicians, they know it's horseshit. I.e. why the arbitrary 2me? If you step within 1.8m is this putting your fellow-citizen at immediate risk? Is passing by someone in close quarters for half a nanosecond likely to pose an immediate risk of catching the virus? (Obvs. not). We are an unbelievably densely populated country, is remaining 2m away from people going to be at all easy in practice? What happens when the staying at home situation changes? When more people are out and about is it going to become nigh-on impossible to maintain distance? If you're standing 2m away from the nearest people in a queue, and the wind's blowing towards them from you, are they more likely to catch CV19 if you're carrying the virus? (Probably, which makes this an exercise in futile randomness to start with). Screens and no hot-desking in the workplace - will we be expected to spray our colleagues with bleach?

These distancing measures are paying lip-service to people's understandable fears, but as to how effective they are the jury's still out. The likelihood is, not very. As for the comment to the tune of 'vulnerable people should just stay inside because children might encroach into their 2m exclusion zone': surely that was the advice given to vulnerable people from the outset?

It seems seems people are still reluctant to process what the lockdown is actually for. First clue is that HM Government and the powers that be don't give one single shit whether you, I, Grandma Mabel or no. 42's dog go down with the virus. The issue of numbers isn't a concern - we are past containinment. Their only concern is centred on large numbers catching the virus and becoming seriously ill all at once. Not least the resulting bad publicity should the NHS find itself unable to cope.

YANBU This is like a parody thread. I’m glad I live abroad where people don’t seem to have absolutely lost their minds.

@ArfArfBarf, innit just? Could I please move in with you? Jeezum crow.

I genuinely think some people are now so anxious that they are completely irrational. The trouble is you can’t argue with an irrational person because logic has no effect, the anxiety is all knowing and all consuming.