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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging with my parents?

124 replies

Forgetcourgettes · 04/05/2020 13:58

And so disappointed ☹️

My dad has cancer and has been told that he needs surgery in 2 weeks. Hospital has said it’s a ‘very, very serious’ operation.

Parents are both 70 and yet they say that lockdown is going to be eased this week so they are trying to get back to normal.

The had my mums sisters over, apparently it was ok as they sat on opposite sides of the room.
Will be looking after my sister’s kids as my sister is working from home but my nephews are too loud to give her peace.
Parents are going to the garden centre and to deliver items that they sell to customers.

Every conversation ends in me getting so cross. Why are they risking my dad getting ill when he has to face major surgery? He is supposed to be shielding and has a long list of chronic health problems as well as the cancer.

I keep trying to tell them that the rules apply to the,, they aren’t special or unique.

Also annoyed with my sister for pushing her children onto them but at the same time my mum is happy as she is ‘lonely’.

Do I keep on telling them or let them get on with it?

I’m just so annoyed that they can’t see the danger they are putting everyone else in as well as themselves.

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 04/05/2020 19:31

Where have they heard lockdown is being lifgted-theyre going to us a plan at the end of the weedk that is all

i think your siste ris being selfish persoanlly

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 19:36

I'm not in the UK but live in a country with strict lockdown guidelines, I can't get over this "live and let live" attitude in the UK, its a Pandemic ffs! Stay home, stay safe and don't place vulnerable people at risk. Some of you sound entirely thick, tbh.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 19:38

A death from Covid is awful, by the way. The lungs clog up completely, and patients basically choke to death. I would not expose myself or a loved one to the risk of that if I could avoid it.

shinynewapple2020 · 04/05/2020 19:43

Sorry OP but this is your parents decision to make. Particularly if your dad doesn't know what his long term prognosis is.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 19:43

"They are adults, you can't control them"
There's actual legislation in place in my country to "control" them, that's how serious this is. Jesus fn Christ.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:00

@shinynewapple2020 how is it his decision if he's potentially placing an entire ward or floor at risk when he is admitted as an inpatient? Despite knowing the risks and choosing to ignore them? Whatever about riskng his own health, he is deliberately risking other peoples health. What an absolute fool.

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:13

Well, just, we don't live in your country Hmm

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:15

Actually, you do, as 6 counties north of me are subject to English law, assuming you live in England.

GabriellaMontez · 04/05/2020 20:17

Interesting, because I think you sound entirely thick just

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:19

And quite a few citizens of that zone have seen fit to holiday in Donegal and other counties recently, but won't heed the warnings not to travel and are not subject to Irish law, unfortunately. Caravan parks in Donegal are packed. Fuckers.

Nanny0gg · 04/05/2020 20:20

@justforthisnow
how is it his decision if he's potentially placing an entire ward or floor at risk when he is admitted as an inpatient? Despite knowing the risks and choosing to ignore them? Whatever about riskng his own health, he is deliberately risking other peoples health. What an absolute fool.

It's pretty likely he will have to have a covid test first so if he's infectious they won't take him in.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:20

@GabrielleMontez
Boris probably agrees with you.

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:22

No, I don't live in England. But individual counties there have different rules in England, because you wrote 'country', just, not county.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:24

@tinroofrusty
Referring to the 6 counties only

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:25

What's Boris got to do with it the OP's parents? Hmm

What are all these Dementors going to do when their precious lockdown is over and they can't spend time fuming about other people or spying on their neighbours or reporting people for random stuff?

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:26

@NannyOgg yes, of course, sound clinical judgement, if he's positive, his contact list will be mortifying.

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:26

Six counties where, just? WTF, you said you were not in the UK, but a different 'country' now you come up with all this stuff about counties?! Confused.

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:28

His contact list will be 'mortifying'? He's seen his daughter and grandchildren, not gone to an illegal rave.

Fucking hell, I really do wonder how all the permanently angry are going to cope when they can't point fingers and go ballistic over other people.

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:31

Which part do you not understand?
I live in the Republic of Ireland. A country.
There are 6 counties in the north of Ireland which are under the rule of the UK.
We are subject to different law, which has impacted on how the corona virus has been dealt with.

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 20:36

That's nice, just. I can't say I give much of a toss what other places are doing, don't know FA about the lockdown in NI (and don't care) and don't live in England. But go ahead and be angry at random strangers on the net who have nothing to do with you Hmm.

shinynewapple2020 · 04/05/2020 20:42

@justfortjisnow good point

justforthisnow · 04/05/2020 20:43

I am not angry, not a bit! Truly.
I have someone close also with cancer in a similar situation and we can't go near them. I am just amazed at a situation where an individual would place themselves at increased risk of catching an awful virus. And I feel for the OP, hugely, what a dilemma.

AmelieTaylor · 04/05/2020 21:00

All the people saying 'it's their decision'

Really

Then surely they won't mind telling all the NHS staff having to deal with him that he's chosen not to isolate so might be passing it on to them or other other patients.

Selfish idiot

@Forgetcourgettes. I'd be giving ALL of them
a piece of my mind, fine if he wants to risk getting it, but he should NOT put other peoples lives at risk by going into the hospital & risking infecting others

How fucking stupid is your sister?!

I'm sorry they're all putting you through this 🌷

TinRoofRusty · 04/05/2020 21:04

They'll test him before they operate, Amelie, to avoid a Typhoid Mary scenario.

Alsohuman · 04/05/2020 21:07

Yes, it really is their decision. They’re adults, one of whom is seriously ill with a “very, very serious operation” in front of them. Perhaps that person thinks there’s a strong possibility he won’t survive that operation and wants to spend some time with the people he loves. Would I make the same choice? Hell yes.