Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to leave a message if they want you to call them back

83 replies

Pineapplesareforever · 04/05/2020 00:16

On Saturday morning i missed a phone call from a friend who never normally calls me. By the time I saw the missed call on my phone, a good hour or so had passed and there was no voice message or text asking me to call her. So I thought nothing more of it, and carried on with my day, assuming that if it was something important she would have either called again or left a message for me to get back to her. Turns out that it was important, she had had a row with her DP and wanted someone to talk to, and friend is now in a huff that I didn't call her back when I saw the missed call. I've obviously apologised for not getting back to her but am curious about whether other people would automatically call someone back after seeing a missed call.

OP posts:
Frankencream · 04/05/2020 00:18

I would probably send a text saying ‘hi, sorry I missed your call, did you want to call me back or I can call you?’
I personally wouldn’t ignore it completely especially if it’s someone who rarely rings!

Lightofthephoenix · 04/05/2020 00:19

I always text or return a miss call.
Even more so if they don't normally call you.

Frankencream · 04/05/2020 00:19

But she sounds high maintenance to be in a huff with you over it!

Headbangersandmash · 04/05/2020 00:27

I would have sent a text asking if it was a pocket dial or if she wanted to talk because I was free now.

Fleetheart · 04/05/2020 00:30

I wouldn’t necessarily call back if there was no message, I don’t think you’re in the wrong. Anyway huffs are always unreasonable!

DelphicOracle · 04/05/2020 00:52

I certainly wouldn’t call back ! She is a grown up - a text or a voicemail should suffice .... what a total snowflake she’s been

SandyY2K · 04/05/2020 00:59

If I see a missed call, I would call back. That's the benefit of a mobile phone, thst the person knows you called without leaving a message.

If I called someone in error I would send a text and say so, so that they wouldn't call me back.

greenlynx · 04/05/2020 01:14

Yes, I would call back, I wouldn’t text. Friends usually do the same.
But I would leave a message or text if it’s urgent and it certainly was for your friend.

Pipandmum · 04/05/2020 01:17

Can't stand it when people don't leave a message! I would generally call back a missed call - but depends who it is.

DontStandSoCloseToMe · 04/05/2020 02:06

People under a certain age rarely leave or listen to voicemails (outside of a professional context where it might be necessary), if I had a missed call from someone I knew, I'd return the call as would pretty much everyone I know other than my gran or my father who tried a smartphone for a month and went back to 'a proper phone with buttons'.

Dingdongthewitchisbread · 04/05/2020 02:16

I wouldn’t leave a message, I’ll see your missed call, know you wanted to talk to me and will call you back. Everyone I know does this, it’s such a faff to have to listen to a voicemail that says “it’s your mum, give us a call” when the missed call tells me the same thing.

I actually spent years telling my mum to stop leaving me voice messages when I was younger, maybe it is a generational thing.

Her having the hump though is a bit much but she’s clearly got other things going on so is probably not reacting as she normally would.

CrystalAlligator · 04/05/2020 02:30

I wouldn’t call back if I had a missed call from someone as I’m someone who only has phone calls that you’ve both agreed to have (as in we’ve messaged to check it’s a convenient time). By the time I see the missed call they might not be free so I’d message. I’d send a message asking if they were okay. I wouldn’t just ignore it.

But you did nothing wrong. I’d assume the same, that without an accompanying WhatsApp or voicemail the reason for the attempted call had passed.

She’s obviously in a huge huff anyway with the argument and has transferred some of her immediate anger to you, very childish but I’d let it go for now if she’s generally a decent friend who doesn’t have form for this stuff and wait for her to next get in touch.

whywhywhy6 · 04/05/2020 03:13

I don’t call back missed calls during work hours unless there’s a voicemail, text or email. Maybe a friend I hadn’t heard from for ages on a weekend I would at least text a “sorry I missed you, all ok?” message but only if I really thought about it. Maybe that makes me a horrible person.

k1233 · 04/05/2020 05:28

I don't call back missed calls - neither personal nor work related. If you want me to call, leave a message, otherwise I assume you sorted it out yourself.

RoosterPie · 04/05/2020 05:32

I agree OP. I assume it’s nothing urgent unless there’s a message, and if someone is just calling for a general catch up and chat then there’s no rush to call back.

If it is someone who rarely rings I might send a message to say, sorry manic day, everything ok etc but if I don’t leave someone a message making it clear I want to speak to them I don’t expect a call back.

1066vegan · 04/05/2020 06:03

I wouldn't call back. I assume that if it's important, someone will leave a message or call again later. If they do neither, the call can't be that important. Dp does the same.

8by8 · 04/05/2020 07:34

I’d either call or text them back, yes.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/05/2020 07:38

Nope. If someone calls me and I miss them I expect them to let me know if they want a call back. They too can leave a message, send a text etc. No message? I assume it wasn't imortant or that the issue was resolved without me.

If it is DSis or DH I will call back when I am in a place to do so. They both know how I work, they'd text if it were urgent!

bluestarsatnightfall · 04/05/2020 07:47

It's obvious that someone who calls you wants to get in touch so you call them back. No follow up text is required. Your thinking is strange OP.

EggysMom · 04/05/2020 07:50

Is this the new etiquette then? I'd only call back if they left a message or sent a text asking me to call; I wouldn't return a call from a 'missed call', I would presume that it wasn't that important after all.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 04/05/2020 07:51

I would always ring or text back if I see a missed call.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 04/05/2020 07:57

It's obvious that someone who calls you wants to get in touch so you call them back. Yes they want to tak to you

You are not obliged to talk to them. Your phone ringing is not a command performance.

It'll be a generational thing, I suspect, but I don't feel the need to make sure I fulfil someone elses need. They can do that themselves. Then again I also don't understand the sense of hurt/embarrassment if my social media doesn't attract squillions of love heats and likes. Again, probably a generational thing.

SnugglySnerd · 04/05/2020 08:02

I hate that a photo call now has to be arranged in advance, until about 5 years ago we just called someone if we fancied a chat and if they weren't available it didn't matter. Now even my mum won't call me in case I'm busy no matter how many times I say it doesn't matter and if I am really busy or eating my tea or something I just won't answer!
I agree though, itsnot up to you to call her back she could have called you again.

CloudsCanLookLikeSheep · 04/05/2020 08:03

I'd probably text back but wouldn't feel obliged to.

Generally it makes me feel shit when attempts to get in touch with others are ignored, so I try not to do it myself.

It were different in the olden days before mobiles!

TheRoyallingStones · 04/05/2020 08:05

I wouldn’t call back a number i didn’t know if they didn’t leave a message. But a friend, especially one who rarely called me I would either call back or text them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread