To expect people to leave a message if they want you to call them back

[Pineapplesareforever]

On Saturday morning i missed a phone call from a friend who never normally calls me. By the time I saw the missed call on my phone, a good hour or so had passed and there was no voice message or text asking me to call her. So I thought nothing more of it, and carried on with my day, assuming that if it was something important she would have either called again or left a message for me to get back to her. Turns out that it was important, she had had a row with her DP and wanted someone to talk to, and friend is now in a huff that I didn't call her back when I saw the missed call. I've obviously apologised for not getting back to her but am curious about whether other people would automatically call someone back after seeing a missed call.

I would always call a friend back if I had a missed call. Or would at least send them a text saying sorry I missed your call are you ok / are you free for me to give you a ring now.

I cant abide people who leave a voicemail that says "can you ring me back" sorry but you made me dial into my voicemail, listen to the auto respondent thing, press 1, listen to the voicemail, then press 3 to delete it or I'll forever have the notification just for you to say ring me when I saw I had a missed call? Get in room 101

What's arrogant about understanding that sometimes calls are 'moment specific' and not relevant later? That sometimes they're misdials? That sometimes they were made on a whim at a convenient moment, that doesn't last all day?

I see not calling back and bothering the misdialer / in the moment person, as me being considerate; of their time, moods and busyness.

I'm recognising that, just because they had something to say to me at 10am, doesn't mean the rest of their day is available to me. That would be thinking that my time and convenience was more important than theirs.

If there's something they need to talk to me about, they'll have texted or messaged and said so.

No-one needs to use voicemails (which I agree are weird and often indistinct).

I’d only ever call someone once I wouldn’t repeatedly call as they were obviously busy the first time. I’d send a message saying it’s urgent if so.
If I see a missed call I always ring back when I can. If it wasn’t one I was expecting I’d send a message asking what was up and to call me back.

If someone rings and doesn’t leave a message then I won’t call back.
If that person really needs to speak to me, they’ll either leave a message or text me.
I don’t use the answering service on my landline either.
Have coped.

OMG. According to mumsnet, she should have emailed and written to you to let you know she was going to call. Preferably six months in advance. How dare she expect any sort or response without first establishing it was OK to contact you. Feel free to ignore her for ever, or maybe even shoot her if you see her in the street.

Wow...with this kind of attitude, would you have anyone who rang you for a chat anyway

Yes, thanks. But it doesn't tend to be the 'friends' who assumed that as I was at home all day caring for DM, I was spending all day sitting about doing nothing and was free to talk whenever they felt like it. And saying that I couldn't talk because I was doing something for DM usually resulted in a bigger tantrum than not answering the phone.

The majority of my friends know my circumstances and if I don't answer, would leave a message. It's just simple good manners.

Voicemails are so 1990's. I rarely listen to them. I'd much prefer a text.

I do usually return missed calls though I think if it's urgent the other person will text or call again.

Tbh how I react to a missed call entirely depends on who is calling. Generally speaking though my friends and family tend to use WhatsApp to communicate so whenever I see a missed call it is unusual (unless prearranged).

I will usually try and get in contact as soon as I see a missed call just to acknowledge that I've seen the call. If I can call then I will call straight away but if not - eg I'm on a break at work and literally have 10 minutes before I have to be back at work - then I will always message something like "At work so just seen your missed call. Everything OK? Am at work till 5pm but will give you a call back when I get home".

If I am ever the one to call (or I call back and it doesnt get answered) then if they dont answer then I'll usually follow up with a quick text to let the person know why I called and if ai need them to call back eg "Hey, was just calling because I was in your neighbourhood to see if you were in, but no worries I'll text you later"; "Hey can you call me back asap, I need to talk to you about X"; "Saw you called me earlier, was just returning the call and must have missed you. Everything OK? I'm free all evening if you need to talk"